This SUCKS!!!!

Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.

Have I mentioned this SUCKS!!!

Why is it so hard to keep my head above water nevermind actually get ahead. I just don't know how much energy I have to keep treading water before I completely give up.

How ironic that the first phone call of the day was from some charity. I didn't answer the phone....it's on my caller id because they call often and don't like to hear the word NO. Quite frankly I didn't want to listen to their big old speech because a) I don't give to charities that call me randomly when I don't know who the heck they are or if they are even legit and b) I lack the cash to make donations - even the causes I would love to make donations to. There is nothing worse than listening to people who can't take a polite no for an answer and try to guilt me into making a donation.......but it only takes a few dollars and think about the poor children or whatever their charity supposts..... blah blah blah.

That ignored phone call should have been a clue as to how this day would go because every time I turn around today someone else is asking for money....only with them, I can't decline to give them anything cuz well that's just the way the people who provide the electricity that powers my world works. Unfortunately they weren't even happy with my somewhat generous offer and counter offered a couple hundred higher.....complete with an ultimatum. Wasn't that nice of them? Ya - real sweet. I'm thrilled to bits. I honestly know I owe them a crapload of money - heating this drafty old house is killing me slowly and I know it, but I could have used at least a little break on this one for another few weeks. I'd caught up on most everything else and this one bill is the last on the list of biggies to fix. I was feeling pretty good about the waters I was treading up to this point but someone left the water running and it's getting a little deep in here.

Then I figured I should open the mail and see what other surprises await....because surprises you are forewarned about are a little less traumatic than say....a sudden lack internet connection because you forgot to pay the bill. It's like playing the lottery......or a game show. Lets see what's behind door number 2 shall we. Actually, opening the mail wasn't too bad. Most of the 'reminder notices' were for things I'd already taken care of on my own in the last week or so, phew! Yeah me.

Then I got to the 'business mail'. Too bad Regis isn't here to offer me a lifeline cuz what was in envelope 2 was totally NOT what I was expecting. I mean really...I get mail from Canada Revenue all the time - "thank you for your remittance, here's next months forms" etc etc - the joys of payroll taxes and GST remittances. No biggie. Ya. Well. This one is a biggie. It seems there is a discrepancy with some money remitted throughout 2007 and what was reported on all the T4s and they want the difference NOW....or else. You've got to be kidding me. So here I am a few days from payroll remittance, hoping I budgetted enough for it this month and worrying about how to pay the damn GST at the end of the month and now I need to figure out what got screwed up where and when and then somewhere magically come up with almost $400 to pay this 'difference' (cuz honestly....the gov't doesnt' make mistakes so I more than likely owe them the damn money right).

For the love of grocery money is there no end to this? Everyone get your hands out of my pockets!!! They are empty. Empty I tell you and I have nothing more to give.

If you need me I'll be in my office trying not to smudge printer ink with my tears, banging my head on the desk and chain smoking my way through a $12 pack of smokes that I can't afford to smoke but will loose my mind if I don't and maybe I should pick up a bottle or two of 'faux-merlot' just to make this whole experience funner than fun.

a prescription for........pain relief.....and germ warefare....and HOPE.

Okay so there are times when we can go months and months withough seeing anyone in the medical profession......and then there are times where I feel like I'm in a revolving door and pop in frequently to see the doc, pharmacist and recently therapists/resource coordinators (not medical I know but still a "professional" so it will count in this instance) The past few weeks have been one revolving door visit after another.


I've seen our family doctor twice more since I lost my mind in his office 4 weeks ago and bawled and damn near had a panic attack and begged for help. Once to get a refill of my 'blithering idiot pills' since I'd taken the remaining 6 pills that were left over from January's back spasm incident when last Tuesday I had another spasm. I spent 24hours looped out of my mind (for 20of them I was asleep) and then the next couple days in just slight pain - only taking the pills at night. Since that left me with no more pills I decided I'd go ask for a refill of them to have on hand for when - not if - but when this happens again and thankfully the doc and the student doc both agreed to my request. 15more magic beans on hand for next time. woohoo!

Yesterday I was back in his office. This time with a sick little girl, who'd been home from school for the past 2 days. "She doesn't look very sick and her throat is only slightly red and her glands are only slightly swollen but I'll take a swab and give you a prescription just in case" (since he was leaving early and wouldn't be around later). Why does he insist on playing this just-to-humor-me game everytime I drag a sick child in for a throat swab. 9 times out of 10 I'm right and it's almost always the ones that 'don't look sick' that end up with the positive swab and the resulting bottle of yellow stuff to battle the germs. I predict at least one more member of this family to test positive over the next week.....we are a sharing family that way. I appologize to anyone else we may subsequently share this with. Think of it as our way of saying we love you!

I wonder how many more visits to see him I can squeeze in before the 15th of July....which is apparently when he is no longer our doctor. To this I say "Pardon?" While reading the local newspaper last Friday.....just an hour or two after leaving his office re the blithering idiot pills, I read a notice announcing that he is leaving his practice and some new doctor will be taking over all his patients. Huh? What? Come again? I'm stunned. So now I have a new doctor that I don't even know - I'm so not comfortable with this situation....especially since things are about to get more interesting in the family medical area around here in the next little while.

Which brings me to the HOPE part of this update.

We've seen the psychologist - a result of my loosing my mind in the dr's office 4wks ago, 3 times in the last 3 weeks plus I've talked to him a couple times on the phone. Finally I feel like I have someone solidly on my side who sees the big picture and understands what's going on and can help. Help me with my state of mind and also help with dealing with some of the chaos and confussion around here. While not all strategies we brainstorm durring these sessions end up working the way we expect - every little idea helps in some way. Well almost every idea - we WILL NOT being doing any more relaxation exercises ...thankyouverymuchbutnothanks (since 4hours later I was flat on my back in pain from a spasm...relaxing - NOT!) and the girl takes things so literally and to the extreme that some suggestions just ended up snowballing - but it was a good effort and the psychologist got a good idea of how information is or is not being processed in that little ol' mind of hers.

I'm even slowly adjusting to the fact that since the funny psychologist guy rattled ThatWoman from CSS's chain, she's been more involved. She's called a couple times and is coming out to 'visit' next week (have i mentioned I don't like people in my space who may 'judge me') to do a home safety assessment as part of some Union agreement regarding respite - so even though we dont' actually have respite workers coming INTO our home we have to have this assessment done. Oh Boy.

Anyway (i got sidetracked there for a minute) back to the HOPE. Hope in the form of a prescription. The phychologist has suggested a couple times that we consider trying medication again to help with some of the issues at hand - inattention, mood swings/irritability etc. and he's mentioned trying Ritalin again. We did it once and I've often thought of trying again so I was willing to go for it. That is until yesterdays meeting. A totally different medication was brought up and to me it seems he's really put alot of thought into this because after reading about the medication and its uses it's reinforcing some ideas I've had lately --- and I think my ideas are his ideas too.

Someone mentioned to me a month or so ago that the symptoms/issues we have been experiencing seems alot along the lines of Asperger's Syndrome and the more I read the more I'm convinced that this is at least in part what we are dealing with......and although I have not mentioned this to the phychologist - the medication he is recommending is becoming known for dealing some aspects of AS - particulary irritability and aggression and impulsivity. So this really leads me to think him and I are on the same page and I'm gonna ask him straight out about it next time I talk to him.

In the mean time - he's sent a letter to our doctor....you know...the one who's leaving soon.....requesting he provide the prescription for a very low dose of Rispiradol and the subsequent monitoring of it. I'm worried about the reply. It could go either way. The doctor could agree OR he could say no. So I'm waiting and waiting to hear and trying not to get my hopes up that this will happen sooner rather than later (if he says no then we have to find another doctor willing to take this on) and I'm trying not to hope too much that this medication will actually work and more importantly work with minimal ,if any, side effects. This won't FIX things but it could potentially improve the quality of alot of lives in this house....and that is so worth HOPING for!!!

~K

and then the boy said.....

"oh mom, you always come thru for me."

and i am speechless

how do you repond to that other than to grin and feel like somebody loves you and everything you do for them...even the little things

and what brought forth this tidbit of love from my 5 (and a half) year old son's mouth

i handed him a banana sandwich

a banana sandwich he hadn't asked for

a meal he didn't whine for (unlike his sister who was hungry in mid afternoon.....possibly because she didn't bother listening to me when i said 'have breakfast' a few hours earlier like he did)

i'd made her a banana sandwich - cuz really those couple of remaining bananas were destined for the garbage sooner rather than later anyway and cuz i haven't been grocery shopping in a week and the pantry is BARE!

i made him one just because if i was making one i may as well make two.

i walked into the living room, handed him the sandwich muttering 'here - eat this' half expecting him to grumble that he didn't want it and as i walked away he floored me with his loving words

ahhhh it's good to be loved - and i so needed it this afternoon

and i'm speechless

because once again i'm thinking 'where the heck does he come up with these things he says'

he's a funny kid.

and i love him

and he loves me

and some days that's enough to get you through

especially on those days when other children, who shall remain nameless, are whining....i'm bored; i don't want to help cut the grass; or take the sheets off my bed for washing; make my own breakfast. i want to go to town; amma's; gramma's; aunty georgie's; cherie's; alex's basically anywhere but here - cuz i'm bored and don't want to help cut the grass or clean my room or put my laundry away or any of the other millions of ways that might be thought up to torture their poor pitiful souls.

We are not Hillbillies. We are sisters.

We are sisters that came together over the years, through the branching of an oddly JerrySpringer-ish family tree.

We are sisters at heart.

Both of these beautiful woman mean the world to me and I'm blessed to have them both in my life. I'm even more blessed that the men in their lives 'get' the bond the three of us (and my mom too) all share with each other.

Not many men in this world would be so understanding of the continued relationship one person has with an ex-spouses family nor for that matter an ex-spouses' ex-spouse. I know....weird circle and you are lost but that's the JerrySpringer-ishness of it all. It doesn't really matter HOW we are un-related, just that we are and are quite fine with it.

So it has come to be that the beautiful lady on the left, Liz, is getting married to an understanding fellow (Gary) and that the beautiful lady on the right, Yolie, is married to an equally understanding fellow (Donnie) and while Yolie is coming to town for Liz and Gary's upcoming annual backyard summer party turned wedding, Donnie is not able to come with her. Since Yolie will be flying solo at said party and knowing few of the others in attendance, it was thought by Liz, that I might be Yolies' guest for the festivities. The ever understanding Gary was asked his opinion on the matter and while his concern is that it appears he's marrying a hillbilly, I have been granted the thrilling opportunity to attend their wedding...... and I'm ever so excited!!!!

edited to add - what does one wear to a backyard party/wedding when you are informed that it is casual and there will be carnival games and 'don't be surprised if the justice of the peace is wearing a clown nose'. I just have no clue how to define casual after hearing that.

Emily is 8!!!!

Happy Birthday My Beautiful Priness!!!

Emily actually turned 8 two weeks ago and I realized last week that I hadn't posted her *happy birthday* and then I had to find the perfect picture of her (thanks to Aunty Heather) for it.

Emily had a wonderful year this past year as did her brother and sister. While she did not get to travel to BC for a week she did get to spend that week home with just her little brother and dad and I - a rare treat in itself, and she attended day camp at the rec center (spy week...so fun) durring that time. It was a much needed fun week spending it with many of her friends from school whom she missed over the summer. She's had a great time in Grade 2 and has in true 'emily style' progressed amazingly and her teachers make sure she's challenged enough daily to keep her love of learning alive and not get bored (something I've always been afraid of). She LOVES to read and is now confidently reading chapter books with almost the same desire as I did at her age. Finally I have my book-worm!!! Emily of course was in Ukrainain Dancing again this year and loved every minute of it - as if there was ever any doubt. She started bowling with the YBC this year and has made great strides since September....if we could only get rid of that nasty curve ball. It's one of the few times I've seen her actually struggle to master something and while there were some ups and downs she never once gave up. While she is our girlie-girl princess - dressing up and wearing pretty shoes, she's also willing to get in the mess of things and be rough and tumble with her brothers (or the boys at school....that girl does not own a pair of pants that do not have holes in the knees from playing soccer with the boys) or get dirty working with dad out in the garage. Her and dad have this special bond and she will tag along with him any time he asks. Together they go out and check the oil in the trucks and make sure they are ready for work the next day. Our smart, funny (sarcastic...oh how i love that) beautiful little princess is 8 years old already. Wow how time flys, but how fun it is to watch her soar!

I didn't see that coming

Ever been blindsided? Not literally. I'm talking figuratively here....I don't want to talk about literally being blindsided - that concrete table had it coming and shouldn't have been in the way while I was distracted by my own thoughts.

In my disorganized state of utter confusion I find myself struck by information that I knew about, processed, stored in my memory and then, because, much like this poor old computer, I'm so jam packed with *stuff* my memory recall is a little slow some days and then wham - I'm blindsided.

Take Friday morning for instance. I'm running late for work. The boy - NOT a morning person - was being particularly sleepy and an unwilling participant in the whole morning thing. I dressed him and he went back to sleep. I washed his face & brushed his hair...while he was still asleep. I put his shoes on him...while he was still asleep. Ugh So finally we are in the van and heading to daycare and then he says to me. "You know. I was talking to Dane last night and he said there was no daycare today" BAMM!- I'm blindsided with this information and it starts the information retrieval process and I vaguely remember reading in at least 3 or 4 newsletters in the last couple months that the daycare would be closed one day so the staff can attend a childcare conference. I back the van up and rush into the house to find any one of the newsletters saying what date that was. It only took me shuffling through 2 piles of papers to find one and sure enough - daycare's closed. I read it. I processed it. I stored it for future reference but alas I forgot to retrieve the info when needed. Geesh! My information system is glitchier than Vista (which i've heard horrible things about).


I love lists and calendars. Love them. My only problem with them....I forget to look at them or I loose them. In fact, even if I do find and look at them, it's not uncommon to then process the info that is on them and promptly forget. I can make note of a meeting, think about that meeting daily for a week, even think about said meeting on the morning of but then miss the meeting and remember about it an hour or two after I've already missed it. The same goes for paying bills. I'm not even talking about paying them 'on time' either. I mean just paying them in general. I think about it. Mean to do it. Even go to do it and then get sidetracked and poof - the thought is lost and I don't do it. Then BAMM! - blindsided by a disconnected cellphone or lack of internet connection. Information retrieval is NOT what I do best. I am getting better about not missing appointments or meetings since I started using my cellphone calendar where I put the info in and set it for a reminder alarm but still, not everything fits on that calendar. It's not like I can put in remember to pick up toilet paper then next time you go to the store on it and I only remember it when BAMM I'm blindsided with a lack of toilet paper. Not the end of the world but still just as painful as a missed appointment or lost phone service. Although lost phone service has to be the suckiest of all faux-pas because seriously - running to town for TP is easily corrected, getting stuck in answering system gridlock trying to find a human to help me with my lack of telephone service and remove the recording on it informing callers that our number had been changed to another number - that of the people who had our phone number 5yrs ago and for whom we still receive numerous calls for each month. Honestly MTS never could explain the number re-direct to me, but the whole lost service thing was totally my fault. I processed the "pink" reminder/disconnection notice and then it got lost among the clutter of my mind.

Okay so that said. I have a note stuck to my computer that says........"PAY THE DAMN BILLS TODAY BEFORE THE S*** HITS THE FAN!!!!! I wrote it last night...because I thought about it on my way to bed and knew I wouldn't think about it this morning on my own and now that I've sufficiently sidetracked myself with blogging this morning I should actually pay the noted bills before I forget - again. I guess that means before I can do that I have to actualy go track down the bills so I know who and how much I have to pay them. My "paper" files are, sadly, in worse condition that my "mental" files. I need HELP!!!!

Six Degrees of Seperation - Blog Style

Oh how fun this blogging stuff is. I'm truely loving it. Not just the random ramblings of my own posts but reading blogs of other people....my blog is just plain boring and only two people actually read it (hi carrie & kat). Some of the blogs I visit often are listed on the side and since I'm on the low end of the learning curve of blogging, I haven't added many. A few of them are my friends blogs, there are a couple scrapping/CTMH related blogs, one by a mom with a handful of kids where I go to hear about the truely insane things she goes through in a day so my life doesn't seem so oddly bizzare and a couple are blogs I've come across while doing some research on advocating effectively for my kid(s). In my favorites folder though are a dozen or so more blogs that I've come across in different ways. Most are from links on other blog sidebars but a week or so ago I clicked the "Next Blog" button at the top of my page and just randomly came across a few really interesting blogs - like one by a young girl, out of college for the summer who is now in Europe on a summer school course focussing on Art History and Photography. She's having a great time and I'm getting to live vicariously through her and see some beautiful pictures of old world archetecture in the form of castles and churches that I know I will never see in person. Another one I came across was a blog created by family and friends of a young fellow in NewYork. He was in an accident in early May and has been in ICU for weeks. The blog is basically a way for all his friends around the world to pop in and post messages to him. This guy has touched a whole lot of peoples lives in such a postitive way I wanted to learn more about him so I clicked over to his own personal blog, Hello Human and then to his website. In doing so I have discovered a wonderfully talented artist and very interesting person who has quite a reputation and has had a few of his paintings used on sets of TV shows and even in the homes on Extreme Home Makeover. HOW COOL! I googled his name in the hunt for his calendar that was published and is available through barnes and noble and came across prints of his work for sale at prints.com. If I'm really frugal and save my pennies I might even purchase a print or two. Check out his work.


Here's where I get to the 'six degrees' part. While over at Dawn Meehan's blog Because I Said So yesterday, I clicked on a few of links on her sidebar to check them out (because it's what I do). I've gotten some really good links from that site including another personal fav by a homeschooling mom of 6....the SuburbanCorrespondant regularly thrills me with anecdotes of parenting not only a large number of children but one rather snarly teenage daughter. oh how i can relate!. Many of the links from Dawn's though are blogs or care pages of terminally ill or extremely disabled children. One inparticular, that I spent a good part of the afternoon reading through is that of a little girl named Rylee who has a very debillitating disease and her parents work way harder at providing care for her in their home than they need to (fighting for gov't services etc) and at one point in a recent post there is a picture of their living room and on the wall behind their sofa is this gorgeous picture that I was immediately drawn to and recognized as being by the artist I mentioned above. I don't think I would have noticed it had I not spent time browsing his art work a few days earlier. Ironically this family has put together an application tape to send to Extreme Home Make Over in the hopes that Ty and his crew will help them transform their lovely home into one that is more accessible for their young daughter who is getting big enough now that she will soon be requiring a wheelchair rather than the specially designed strollers and such that they currently have. I'm hoping it's a sign - that sign painting on their wall, that good things will come to them and Extreme Home Make Over will come knocking on their door one day soon. I know it's a dream of mine that they will help me with my house....but that's just a dream (who doesn't dream of Ty Pennington waking them up in the early morning hours....bullhorn or not). Some people just really do need their help more than I do and for way more important reasons.

Try clicking on the "next blog" button and seeing where it takes you today. You never know what interesting things lay just beyond the page you are currently reading.

~K

and so we begin

our adventure into the world of adolescent psychology and beyond.

We had our first meeting with the psychologist today. Nice guy. I like him and I was very comfortable talking to him - for the most part, no - i think completely, even if I did get a little stressed and anxious but that was only briefly and he put me at ease quickly. I do like him.

The meeting itself took less than an hour. We signed some papers giving the department (ie him) permission to a) talk to Aarica, b) access her records and I'm sure there was a c) but I can't remember what it was. I don't really remember all that we talked about but since I'd given him a good history lesson the day before over the phone we didn't need to get into details of whats what in our life. One interesting discussion though involved the fact that ThatWoman from CSS had called me this morning on the premise of checking on how things were going with the new respite worker and that TW hadn't be able to contact her for a few days. The respite worker said she was going to call ThatWoman with regards to having missed our respite night last week so I didn't think anything of the fact that TW had called this morning.

On a side note I discussed my concerns about this new worker with ThatWoman and
mentioned that I had someone else that is willing to provide the sort of respite
we are looking for. She said she would call me next week when she's back from
holidays to let me know how much I have in my respite budget...and again
mentioned camp (ugh...she just doesn't get that Aarica doesn't want to go to
camp) so in the mean time I'm going to talk to Cherie-Lyne about doing respite
for us privately. Sweet stuff!

Anyway back to the conversation with the psychologist................ I had mentioned to him yesterday, our frusteration with CSS and he did not seem surprised that I got a call from ThatWoman this morning and said something to the effect of ' look what happens when you rattle a few chains' . Bwaaahhhhh. I do believe he called her and gave her a pieceof his mind and I sure would have loved to have been listeninging in on that conversation. Score 1 for Us on the CSS front. Thank you funny phychologist guy.
He's very insistant that a main priority be that we receive more help ..... in the home. *gasp*.......that's where i got a little anxious. I don't like people in my space and being the funny psychologist guy that he is...he picked up on my anxiety and called me on it - read me like a book, he did and then suggested he introduce me to the adult phychologist. gessh I hope I'm as comfortable with whoever that is. (side not to funny phychologist guy.....too many new people in my circle and i'll bolt like a spooked horse buddy)
So moving right along, on also known as changing the subject, we then discussed what happens next and that will be him meeting Aarica. Her and I have an appointment next Tuesday and by then he figures he will have an appointment time set up for her to meet with a psychiatrist (probably in a couple weeks) and then we will get some updated assessments etc done. He's not too impressed with the lack of assessments and such that have been done over the years. I'm sure the last time we saw anyone in a professional manner was at least 6yrs ago - if not more. Not that he blames us for that. Someone dropped the ball and follow-ups weren't done along the way. Uh....ya. Tell me something I don't know. Anyway, he says he's impressed with how we've handled things thus far considering the lack of support we've received. Have I mentioned I like this guy.....and that I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when he called ThatWoman. Okay. I'll stop gloating now. I'm just very happy and I guess I'll forgive him for making me anxious with that whole need to bring more peopleinto our home to help stuff. It's a touchy spot with me. I've spent the last 10+ years building walls to keep those that judge out after some really horrible experiences. But I'll trust this guy that he knows what he's talking about....for now.

After the meeting with the funny psychologist guy, Al and I went out for lunch then to his parents for coffee and a visit. Nice stuff. Quality time spent together. After that I had a couple hours of me-time and I went browsing at the thrift store & did a little shopping on the cheap, visited with Carrie, Garrett and the baby for a little bit, picked up a few groceries and came home........to a 'fixed' backdoor - well sort of fixed backdoor, which was broken by the two oldest kids goofing around. Dad had given them both extra chores as punishment for their irresponsible actions leading to the breaking of the door (take into account this is NOT the first broken door in our lives) and all was calm and peaceful in my world. Shortly after that, the two youngest kids came home from their afterschool playdate and we spent the evening with a house full of company - Sue, Luke & Carrie. I broke open another bottle of Merlot (which i'm told is not really wine but wine-beverage...so we will now call it Faux-Merlot) and this time it was because it was a GOOD DAY and not because it was a very very long day. BTW - The psychologist keeps asking me how I sleep...if I get enough sleep....hmmmm wonder what he'd say if I said yes I do with the help of Faux-Merlot. LOL I'm just kidding. Usually it's Dark Rum & Sprite. ;0)

~K

Trucks, Phychologists & other random thoughts

My body aches and I'm oh so tired but I feel the need to blog tonight. My thoughts are scattered (stop snickering and thinking - what else is new) and I'm sure the Merlot won't help them un-scatter but I'll give it a go anyway.

It's been an ever so interesting day...ummm week. Lets work backwards shall we.

Today was a very long day (hense the Merlot) and I'm so hoping the children will cease their unwillingness to sleep - soon! Al & Aarica, Shelley & I finally pulled back into the yard after a very long day in 'the beach' around 7:30 tonight. After a long frusterating day, Shelley finally got the parts needed to somewhat fix the big truck and she brought Aarica with her to the beach at 6pm tonight to help us finish up the last of the route. At one point Shelley threatened to pull start the truck, drive it into the city and through the display window of the dealership where we bought it (it's not the first time she's threatened to bring the truck back to them in a dramatic way...one of these days they are gonna call the cops on 'that crazy red-head' LOL) Anyway, as you can figure by now, the 'big truck' pitched a hissy...much like it's driver, and took most of the day off. I went in at 1:00 to take over for Garrett who worked the morning with Al. I was so impressed that they had finished all of Al's route by then. I spent the morning at home unexpectedly and for much of it I wasn't sure if I'd be heading into work at any moment so I really didn't accompish much around here while I was waiting for the big truck to be fixed. While I waited though, I did spend a half an hour on the phone with a psychologist. The title of my post was going to be " And the Pshychologist said......" Actually, it was going to be " Is it bad when a Psychologist says I think you are long overdue for some help?" but that was too long. Seriously though, that's what he said at one point. LOL It was a nice conversation and I'm actually looking forward to meeting him tomorrow afternoon. I hope I can talk as easily to him in person as I did over the phone today. Why the phychologist's phone call and subsequent appointment? Because I fell to pieces in the dr's office on Thursday and begged for help dealing with the teen mood-swing queen.... and our dr sent a consult over to the adolescent psychologist across the hall from him and boom there it is - the phone call of hope. One thing he said to me on the phone -" I don't think I can fix everything but I can help you deal with things alot better." Sounds good to me! For the first time in a long time I feel like there is someone in a professional capacity that 'gets where I'm coming from' and understands me and is willing to help in any way he can. Yipeeee. I'm kinda glad I was at home when he called and was able to take the time to actually talk to him, which wouldn't have been the case had the truck not broken down first thing this morning. Do things happen for a reason? Let's not push it that far. I'm not exactly willing to say that the words Truck Fire will ever ever ever be a good thing. They put it out with the fire extinguisher before I knew anything about it but still - not a good way to start out a Monday morning.....especially at 7 in the morning. At least I'd had a swallow or two of coffee before Garrett tossed that bit of news my way. Maybe if I'd gotten to sleep before 1am (darn girl and her fear of thunder storms) it might not have taken 2-3 attempts to explain what was going on outside for me to actually clue in. LOL

Well, Merlot and I did a pretty fine job of this post I think, but it's definately time to call it a night. I'll elaborate on the Dr's appointment and events leading up to that tomorrow when I have more time on my almost-day-off. I also have a post from mid last week - quite a rambling bit of nothing actually. I may edit it and publish it - or I may not. We will see how that goes. For now. G'night

~ K

A man's home may be his castle but....

to my son, a dog kennel is his castle.

I spotted him as I passed by an upstairs window yesterday afternoon. I raced downstairs to get my camera and back upstairs to catch some pics on the sly. Honestly I was laughing so hard I'm surprised the pictures turned out so clear. He was just sitting in that kennel talking to himself but I was too high up and couldn't hear what he was saying. Then Aarica came out the back door and he turned to look at her, reached over and closed the kennel door as if to keep her out. It was so funny I couldnt' stop laughing. Eventually he got out of the kennel and ran across the yard - a boy on a mission, but by the time I got downstairs and outside he was back in there and quite happily posed for some closeups of him inside. He even answered a few quick interview questions (i like to get a glimps inside that mind of his every once in awhile. it's quite entertaining)

mom: Owen sweetie, what are you doing in the kennel?

owen: playing (duh!)

mom: Cool. Who are you today? a tiger, a bear - an armoured bear? (he's big on The Golden Compass right now and he wants to be an armoured bear)

owen: No. I'm Bowser and this is my castle. (I dont' think he get's it that Bowser - from MarioBros for those not Nintendo savy, is a badguy)

Whoever said tv and video games squash a childs creativity has never had a conversation with my son. He can play for hours like this. (Honestly, this was the longest I'd seen him since he got home from school 3hours earlier) He doesnt' necessarily have an imaginary friend like his brother did at his age but he makes up games and stories with all the characters from his favorite movies and tv shows and games. He's got quite the collection of 'friends' and they play some pretty interesting things together. Some days he's a tiger or a dog, some days he's an armoured bear or a MarioBros character or Ron Stopable or any number of characters.

Often times I find myself asking 'where does this kid get this stuff from' and i'll admit sometimes it's a spinoff of something he's seen on tv or a video game but other times it's straight out of that head of his. Last week he told me that he wouldn't be home on Friday because he was performing his Sword Dance in Montreal. He said it matter of factly, like it was no big deal. To him, Montreal is just a name he's heard (probably from hockey) so he know's it's an actual place he could go to and well the sword dance thing - that's just wishful thinking because the older dancers do one and he wants to be just like them. He's one funny little kid.

Cleanliness is next to........IMPOSSIBLE!

There is a whole list of rants I could make on this point.....the house, the yard (which is looking better thanks to the efforts of my sweet hubby, who's working his butt off hauling scrap to the processor every chance he gets), the kids rooms - we wont' even go there - Aarica's got a science experiment cultivating in one corner of her room that I refuse to attend to! This week though it's personal hygiene that's got me most frusterated.

Let's break it down shall we in order of annoyance starting with the most minor offenders first.

Exibit A:
Subject - Emily
Age - a few days shy of 8
Offence - her hair
Evidence - it's a tangled mess and she's not managing it with the care it needs on an ongoing basis. Even after washing she does not take the time or ask for the help she needs in dealing with it's unique-ness
Defence - (and she's the only one with a legitimate one) Those darn ringlet curls are a bugger to comb through and unless I'm around with an hour to spare inorder to de-tangle the mess, it doesn't get done after a shower resulting in a dry mess with a semi-dreadlock appearance. Poor girl!

Exibit A:
Subject - Owen
Age - 5 and a half (the half is important at that age don't you know)
Offence i.i - dirt removal
Evidence - he wipes his face with the back of his hand so there is this perpetual smear of food along the right cheek at any given moment and freaks whenever you attempt to wash his face & hands.
Offence i.ii - bath time
Evidence - he protests profusely but fortunately is small enough that he can be physically put into the bath or shower. Unfortunately he screams like a banshee durring the entire process and the wailing gets increasing louder when having his hair washed. I'm positive the neighbours a half mile away can hear him (and us) and one day the RCMP will come banging on our back door to investigate the noise complaint.
Defence - he doesn't have one.

Exibit B:
Subject - Aarica
Age - 16
Offence - She refuses to brush her teeth
Evidence - I pay how much in health insurance everymonth so we can have dental coverage and this is how she repays me! Apparently she prefers needles and fillings on an ongoing basis to brushing her pearly whites a couple times a day. Go figure. Genetically she's up a creek without a paddle on this one because both her parents have horrible teeth. No matter how often we brush, they are still disintegrating at an alarming rate. I blame the kids for my dental problems - they sucked the life right out of them each time I was pregnant & my paralyzing fear of dentists doesn't help either. What can I do - hold her down and scrub the nasties off of them? Highly unlikely to happen - she's bigger than me.
Defence - it's a weak one: I don't LIKE brushing them.

Exibit C:
Subject - Tyler
Age - 14
Offence - Body Odour!!!! or as I've been refering to it.....For The Love of God Boy - Take a SHOWER!!!!
Evidence - The boy smells! Plain and simple truth there.
Day 1: Tyler, you need to shower tonight. He ignores me. 15mins later I remind him that he HAS to take a shower. He ignores me. 15mins later I yell - Tyler, GO TAKE A SHOWER. He ignores me and 2minutes later is saying goodnight and is gone to bed. ?????
Day 2: He's smelling a little 'stronger' today. I'm heading out for the evening but I tell dad....THAT boy HAS to have a shower TONIGHT. Imagine my surprise (not) that he did NOT take a shower.
Day 3: Aftershool activity - oye! I'm not happy and make no effort to be politically correct or non-judgemental and tell him point blank - You smell! At home, I unplug the Playstation and confiscate all DS systems without saying a word. He comes into my office to talk to me and I ask him to leave because he smells bad. I physically could not be in the same room with him all evening. Every time I said YOU MUST HAVE A SHOWER NOW!!!! He glared at me like I'm an idiot. After about the 5th time I yelled, he finally went to have a shower. He didn't once ask if he could hook up the PS2 or for a DS system but the answer would have been no. Passive agressive maybe but I think he got the hint when I silently unhooked and put away all game systems that he wasn't winning this one.
Defence: He's yet to plead his case. I have no clue what his deal is. Everyone says - He's a boy and 14...it will pass - hopefully before I pass out from the smell!

Fact Finding Mission...aka meeting with the resource teacher

Tuesday May 13, 2007 9:30 - 10:30am - meeting with the resource teacher at the highschool. Fun stuff!

I did some pre-work/homework the night before and prepared a list of discussion topics (ie I wrote down some thoughts from my cluttered mind so I would remember them when I needed too and didn't draw a blank at the meeting and forget WHY I'd requested this meeting in the first place). I made this list only the night before because I'd actually forgotten about the meeting and when going over in my mind thinking I had the entire Tuesday free to go visit Carrie in the hospital it suddenly dawned on me that I had a meeting that morning. I swear, I need a personal assistant to keep me on track.

Anyway. The meeting was productive(ish). I got answers to alot of my questions and voiced my opinions about what I needed to ---- like that I'm concerned with the amount of time Aarica is spending on unnecessary (non-academic) things like finding song lyrics on the net and printing out page after page of these. She seriously came home one day with a binder full of this junk and she spends time then hand copying them onto looseleaf paper over and over again. Sure it helps with her writing skills etc but the subject matter feeds her obsession and that's not acceptable. I voiced my concerns about her attitude and about some of the feedback I'd heard from fellow students regarding her social skills which I feel have declined over the past 9months -- all Cherie-Lyne's hard work from the last 4 years is slowly going down the drain. Grrrrrr.
The resource teacher feels that grade 9 - for a lot of kids...not just those with special needs, is all about the transition into highschool life and she is actually quite impressed with how well Aarica has transitioned. We discussed her academic progresses and also what sort of work she's been doing on a day to day basis in class and what obstacles they are working on. I asked her opinion on the ADHD diagnosis 'attached' to her many years ago. I sometimes question it's accuracy considering that was pre-hearing loss diagnosis when she was practically considered non-verbal (i still remember sub-consiously counting word strings on my fingers when she was in 2nd grade....and 4 word sentences being something to cheer about). She says she would most definately say yes - it's a valid diagnosis (and one of her TA's agreed as well). For example in Math class there is a huge binder full of print out worksheets for Aarica to work on and they are divided into numerous catagories and durring class she will work on a sheet from one catagory but only has enough focus to do it for about 10minutes. She then moves on to another sheet from another catagory. So 10minutes is her limit - give or take. The TA was also asked if she'd consider Aarica Hyperactive....the H part of ADHD and she again said yes. Was there ever really any question in my mind that she wasn't adhd? Not really...it just helps to have someone else reinforce that I'm not crazy...I mean I really do know what is going on (even though I don't feel like it most of the time). We've noticed an increased attitude (aka...being mean & miserable) since about January and when I asked her TA about that she said that yes, she would say that since January things have definately been a little more inconsistant with her attitude at school. Also on the list of things to talk about was the request from Childrens Special Services. I asked if one had been received...and yes it is right there in her binder (i pointed out that Aarica's name had been added after the fact and we had a brief discussion about the CSS-SW aka ThatWoman and how "we" meaning anyone having anything to do with ThatWoman tend to only hear from her in March/April....you know....budget time) The resource teacher actually asked (she's not had much experience with TW) what it is she does and my answer is.........precious little IMO. Not that I'm bitter...much! So anyway, we discussed the report that had been requested by TW and out came the Phychologists report...which was done in March/April of '07 and I have NEVER seen nor did I know one existed. It's an interesting though thin report that amazingly I found a website a couple days earlier on how to 'translate' into lay terms (ie something a parent would actually understand). Basically it's an IQ test focussing on 3 different areas and she's DEFICIENT in all 3 with scores ranging between 43 & 47. The most interesting part of the report though was that a) they got her birthdate wrong and b) the report was 'addressed' to the resource coordinator from her middle school only they had the name of the school wrong. At least it was for another school in our division. OYE! Who's the dificient one? So I now have a copy of our daughters Phychology Report and as the resource teacher says....this report will definately qualify Aarica for continued services through the Adult Service Dept. And to this i say.........what services????!!!!! I believe THAT comment lead to the discussion of the uselessness of TW from CSS and the fact that I've learned not to expect much from them. How sad. Last on the agenda - or 'my random list of thoughts' was that I was planning on scheduling an appointment with our doctor and did they have any recomendations....and she had 3 pretty good ones. Ah ha! Someone with some opinons on what I can do to help my daughter - cuz I'm just plain lost. 1) discuss her attention problems and the possibility of another trial of medications (we did one once - about 10yrs ago...it had mixed results and we opted to discontinue and just haven't gotten around to trying again), 2) discuss her obsessions/anxiety 3) discuss her moodswings/attitued and one possible suggestion was to do a trial of birth control pills. Now that she's on a more regular cycle in that area it might be something to consider as a way to level off the hormone fluctuations and hopefully ease the symptoms associated with it....ie her wicked wicked mood swings and I do mean wicked. So I'm awaiting a call back from our dr to set up an appointment for a consultation and in the mean time I'm going to re-start and insist she take the meds she has for her excema. On top of helping her excema which she does have a mild flare up of right now, it also has help in the past with her anxieties. And while I'm at it I'm going to prepare my own daybook/schedule tracker to be used as her day book to and from school. The one they created for her gets misplaces - a lot and it doesn't provide me with the necessary feed back tools I need, especially if we are going to start any sort of med trial....so I'm going to prepare something on my own and hopefully get it well established beforehand. Ah the joys of advocasy. Have i mentioned I need a personal assistant? I was 'tested' a half dozen years ago because I felt I experience many ADD traits and was looking for some help with strategies etc. The phychologist brushed me off as 'a stressed mother'. Whether he's right or not, I'm totally disorganized and easily sidetracked so keeping track of and completing all this stuff is totally over my head most days --- which is why I suck at being an advocate. Arghh!!!!!

Work Hard and You Shall Be Rewarded

Awards and Praise and Accolaides have never been a high priority in my life and we've never pushed our kids to be THE best - we incourage them to be the best they can be and do what they love to do....and hopefully they do it with passion and determination. Parents who live through their childrens accomplishments have always irritated us. This doesn't mean I don't love to brag on my kids about their accomplishments!!! Face it. I love being a dance mom with medals around my neck at competitions. I love hearing my kids called up to receive trophies and medals at bowling banquets and I love getting letters in the mail saying basically - your kid rocks! It's been a good spring, full of awards, praise and accolaides!

Dancing - my kiddos love to dance. Emily LIVES to dance. She dances with passion and determination to be the best....this is her choice. Her groups earned a bronze and a gold medal at the Brandon competion. Owen LOVES to dance and it's bizzare that this shy little kid has absolutely no problems getting up on stage and preforming. It's fun stuff and he enjoys it. His group earned a silver at the competition. Tyler used to dance and maybe one day he will dance again. I don't think he has that deep love like Emily or gets the enjoyment out of it like Owen and it was his choice not to dance this year. It was a hard choice for him to make....and it was a heartbreaking one for me to hear - but ultimately it was his choice and I'm proud of him for making a choice that was right for him at the time.

Bowling - my kiddos love to bowl. Emily, Tyler & Aarica all participated in at least one if not many tournaments this year. Tyler's 3some team placed 2nd at provincials this spring and he went to the bowler of the year tournament representing his age group from Gimli this year. At the banquet both Tyler and Owen racked up handfuls (and then some) of tropies and awards - they both won Bowler of the Year and high single in their age group, Tyler won most improved bowler for the Jr catagory, Owen won high double & high average trophies. Owen and Uncle Russel won in their catagory durring the family tournament and for the second year in a row Tyler and I won the family tournament in our catagory. I was extremely proud of Emily, who watched her brothers receive trophy after trophy while she did not. The look on her face was one of disapointment but she receives from me the highest praises for being a graceful sport about it all. She perked up though when she received a perfect attendance medal and a handful of badges as did the boys. Aarica's banquet is a couple weeks - I've never been to the special o banquet so I'm not sure what sort if any awards & trophies they hand out but whether she brings home the hardwear or not - for her first year of bowling, she did amazingly well. We are proud of all our little bowlers!!!

In the middle of March, I got a phone call from one of the hockey reps in our area asking about Tyler's reffing the past year. He had been chosen by Interlake Minor Hockey to receive an award from Manitoba Hockey. We didn't tell Tyler and waited till the letter came addressed to him from Manitoba Hockey in mid April. The look on his face was priceless when it finally sunk in that he was being given an award by Manitoba Hockey and the Hockey Hall of Fame for his efforts as a young ref. Unfortunately, we did not attend the banquet but one of his fellow refs received a scholarship that night and his mom brought back a program from the banquet for Tyler which is so nice to have ....and his face beamed when he received his plaque in the mail about a week later. I still feel really bad for not going but I was not feeling well that day and we decided that instead of going to the banquet we would get a sitter for the other kids and take Tyler out on the town - just the 3 of us. We went bowling and out for supper and had a great time hanging out. I'm SO completely proud of the Most Improved Young Official in the Interlake --- he's MY SON!!!!

Meeting Linden

Excited doesn't begin to cover it!

No matter how much it rained Monday and how soaking wet I got working on the back of the truck.....I didn't care because after it was all over Shelley, Rayna & John and I went into the city to visit Carrie and meet baby Linden!

We were packed into that tiny 1/2 of a hospital room like sardines but it was so worth it. I don't know who I needed to see more - that cute little boy or Carrie - to see for myself that she was okay. The news that she'd had a C-section threw me. I think I was the last to know. After my own experience with a C-section I was worried about her (more than I'd already been). Turns out....my experience sucked way more than it needed too and I was thrilled to see her looking so good. So we took turns cuddling the sleeping baby under the watchful eye of Babba Cindy who was not happy she had to share her grandson with us. It was a short visit but so worth the drive in.

On Tuesday, I headed back in by myself and I spent the afternoon with them. I think Linden got cuter overnight and the affects of just being born had worn off and he was awake and alert and did i mention he got cuter. I watched Garrett give him his first bath, I cuddled the baby a bit, but mostly I just wanted to hang out with Carrie and hear all about what had happened Saturday. What a great way to spend an afternoon and again worth the drive in....although being in the city especially down town makes me appreciate all the more just who I am & where I live.

Happy Mother's Day --- and what a wonderful day it is!!!

The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I'm just sooooo happy!!!!

LINDEN ALEXANDER GOTTFRIED was born at 12:45 am
Carrie & Garrett are the proud parents of one darn cute baby boy!

Happy Mother's Day Carrie

I'd just given up hearing anything and my head barely hit the pillow when I got the exciting text message at 1:50am from Garrett that Linden was finally here. I was so happy. I cried some tears of joy, forwarded the text message to a few people who were anxiously awaiting any news and then crashed....only to be woken by my own bundles of joy at 9am. They were fighting. Happy Mother's Day to me.

After a couple cups of coffee and dad giving the kids the evil eye - things settled down and we had a great day. I received a cute card from Owen (hand made at daycare....using Bazzill cardstock! how cool!) and a boquet of silk flowers in a pair of garden gloves as well as a fridge magnet with his cheesey little grin and a playstation game (which the kids have played more than me). In the afternoon we had Al's family here for a birthday bbq for all my May Babies - Aarica, Tyler & Emily and we played cards all. Garrett stopped by on his way home to show off pics of his pride & joy. What a cutie!!!

I'm too excited to sleep!!!

What a crazy busy day today was.

The Saturday of the Mother's Day weekend is always busy because every year the dance concert is on this Saturday....only this year two of the instructors weren't there to watch all their kids dance. They have other things on their mind. I got a text message from Carrie at 11:30 this morning that her and Garrett were on their way to the city. It's BABY TIME!!!!

So while we spent the afternoon at Sue & Grant's celebrating Luke's 2nd Birthday (his actual birthday is next Wednesday - the 14th) and then spent the evening doing costume changes and making sure kids were backstage when they needed to be...and not goofing around too much - the whole time my mind was elsewhere as we all waited to hear any updates from Garrett. Shelley received a few text messages throughout the afternoon/evening. 4:00 - she's doing good; at 6cm 7:30 - she's in alot of pain 8:30? - she's at 8cm and then nothing. We wait and wait and wait to hear any word from Garrett. I'm too excited and worried to sleep.

Here are some pictures from Luke's party. I didn't have my camera with me at the concert so I have no pics of the dancing....not that the pictures from concert ever turn out well because of the stage lighting/dark gymnasium. Oh and my last minute decision to by $5 worth of silent auction tickets paid off. I won twice - ended up bringing home what I donated (LOL) plus a sleeping bag, a quilt & a 35mm camera (that didn't come with film....wth? It's a polaroid brand camera and they didn't include a roll of darn film? Ugh - I'll stick with my digital thank you very much!)

Remembering Childbirth

As so often happens before the birth of a child, mothers talk about their own experiences with pregnancy and labour and childbirth etc. With my best friend due to deliver their first child at any time now this topic has definately been coming up a lot. Tonight it was more along the lines of recognizing the signs of labour and even though we'd discussed this before, something triggered memories in me tonight and wow - who knew I could remember exactly what those early contractions actually felt like and could describe them so accurately. It was erie for me - and exciting. I'm hoping that I'm right and that little one will be here very very soon to meet us. We are all very excited to meet him.


For weeks now I've been thinking back at different times to the pregnancies/births of my 4 children. All 4 kids are completely different kids and their pregnancies and births were just as varried as their personalities. For the older two - especially Tyler, the details are getting foggy...they are 16 & 14 afterall and even for the younger two who are almost 8 & 51/2, I sometimes really have to think to remember some of the details. I think I need to sit down and write out what I do still remember - before I forget it all together.

For now, I'm just anxious to hear from Carrie. I know the contractions she was feeling tonight have let up for now....but I'm still hoping that soon that little one will be on his way.

Advocacy 101

Where was that chapter in all the parenting books I read when my kids were young?

I think all parents - whether they have a special needs child or not, should take a class on being an effective advocate for your child(ren).

The A word - Advocate - seems to be smacking me in the face alot lately, from a couple different directions. I'm 'sort of' used to it with Aarica and I'm the first to admit I'm not the best advocate when it comes to her as I should be --- but I'm learning and trying to pick up the slack I've created. There have been some issues regarding her lately. This whole highschool thing is just new stuff for me and it's taking awhile to learn the ropes and a whole new way of doing things compared to life in middle school. While I've learned to not expect the world from CSS over the years, I've never had more than a mild complaint or two about how things work through the school system and I've never felt my daughter has needed me to stick my nose in and question what's going on. We've been truely blessed throughout the years with wonderful people to help us. We've had wonderful daycare staff that to this day are a gift, good resource coordinators at the school, amazing teachers and awesome TA support with many of these people going above and beyond to help and support not only our daughter but also me (and my sanity) as well as our family. All of a sudden i'm in uncharted waters. HighSchool is a whole different ball game and I'm struggling........ but that is why I've scheduled a meeting with the resource coordinator at the HighSchool to get a few things off my chest about some issues and I am determined to help my daughter and not drop the ball.

But it's not just Aarica I've got to be an advocate for lately. It seems our youngest is also struggling with some issues both at school and at daycare and now I've stepped up to the plate to help him too. Owen is dealing with a bully of sorts - someone in both his kindergarden class and his daycare group and I'm feeling like I've come full circle. 10 years ago, I'm sure there was a parent just like me, talking to teachers about how their child is having problems with our daughter and now I'm talking to teachers about problems my son is having with another child. I almost feel like a hipocrite, complaining about some of the very same things Aarica has more than likely done to other kids over the years - but I know I would never have questioned any other parent for sticking up for their kid ....it's just odd to be on the other side of the fence for a change. No matter which side of the fence I'm on though - this advocacy thing is tough stuff. Lets just hope things all work out in the end.

Ack! My picture!

I popped into a friends blog today and what do I see................a picture of me - and her. The her part was great...the me part made me go ack! And then I cried. Not because of the picture. Really, it isn't that bad of a picture if you excuse the wild hair - if i recall, I'd fogot to pack any of my haircare stuff and after a swim in the hotel pool and no hair-goo, that was the best I could do. The picture was taken when my family drove out to kenora for a weekend mini-vacation and took a day trip into Dryden to see my friend Kat and her family. Good Times.....too bad they were so long ago. Anyway, I see this post - a shout out to me and had a good bawl. Miss that girl! Need to get out that way and visit again real soon (if only pigs could fly....then my pig of a van would get me there without me having to take out a dang bank loan to afford the gas!) As Kat says in her post - we are soul sisters. It seems in life, while I do not have any sisters of my own.....I have small but wonderful group of 'almost sisters' - Yolie, Liz, Carrie & of course Kat.

WHO I AM - by Jessica Andrews

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing
I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
That's who I am

Aarica is 16 !!!!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

Sixteen!!! Sixteen!!! Sixteen??? How? When? Wow!!!!

It's still shocking to me that Aarica is 16 years old (and shocking that I could have a daughter that is 16). She is growing up...way up...and is now taller than me - way taller. She has a deep love of life and lives it out loud each and every day. Sweet and kind and caring - when she wants to be, but a bit snarky and very much a teen at other times. She's had quite the year. Last spring she played on a soccer team and it was a great experience. Over the summer she refused to go to camp and insisted she wanted to stay home and work with dad...and that's just what she did.....and she worked hard! In August she took a trip of a lifetime across the country to Kelowna with her brother by plane to spend a week with her Aunty Sue, Uncle Grant and her baby cousin who she loves sooo much. September was a huge transition into the highschool and she has made the move to this new environment amazingly well. Always the social butterfly, she's trying hard to fit into highschool life and even entered the talent show durring Spirit Week (without the knowledge of her support staff) and got up onstage and sang for the whole school. She's always loved music but has recently discovered the world of kareoke and the house hasn't been quiet since. She bowled this past year in the Special O league and had a great time and did really well - we are proud of her. Sweet 16! Bitter sweet in someways but so sweet in others. Aarica is growing up to be a beautiful young woman...but she will always be my BabyGirl!

Tyler is 14 !!!

Happy Birthday to my sweet son!!!!

It's unbelievable that this kid is now 14 years old. Where has the time gone? He's a good kid with a kind heart and it's wonderful to see him growing up to be a fine young man. Don't get me wrong - there are days I really wonder if he will ever grow up and 'stop acting 12' but his goofy sense of humor amuses me (most days). He's fairly responsible (if you don't count school work) and fairly resourceful (if you don't count school work)and he's a hard worker (if you don't count school work) and all in all he's a good kid - especially if you look at the issues and trouble some kids around here have been getting into lately. I thank God daily for the innocence of my son who still lives for video games, stupid movies and thinks going bowling or to play badminton at the highschool with friends on a Friday night is good fun.

Tyler's had a very good year this past year - highlights include traveling halfway across the country by plane (and being responsible for his older sister) to visit Aunty Sue, Uncle Grant and Luke in Kelowna; spending a week at summer camp with his friend Alec; reffing hockey all winter - including some out of town games and then receiving recognition for his hard work; bowling an excellent season that included numerous tournaments. He was also a wonderful help to me this past year - staying home and babysitting his younger brother and sister last summer while I worked and also watching them and his older sister so dad and I could bowl in the Thursday night league. He slacks a little on his chores and responsibilites around the house and at school ....but he's 14....so I guess he's supposed to - a little bit. At the end of the day though, I'm so proud of him and proud that he is my son!

The weekend ~ part 2: the details

Friday: All systems go - and pretty much on-time too. A small miracle to get everything and everyone in the van and on the road before 11am. The ride out to Brandon included a couple stops along the way, quite a few text messages between vehicles as we traveled together (or not) with Carrie & the Petrowski's (they took the backroads....we went that way last time - never again), the kids played gameboy/ds systems and watched DVD's (Holmes on Homes of all things) or listened to Aarica's Faith Hill CD the whole way and were relatively entertained with little bickering and Owen slept for awhile - which helped with the lack of bickering. After last years trip to Yorkton and the trouble Aarica had hearing the DVD player's speaker from the very back of the van, Aunty Sue gave us an adaptor that hooks up to the DVD player and plugs into the tape player of the van so the sound goes to the van's speakers. What a great gift for Aarica to hear what we hear.
We packed food & drinks to take with us which helped limit the cash output from buying food on the road and it limited our stops to bathroom breaks only....if you don't count Carrie getting stuck at the gas station in Teulon for 15mins waiting to pay for her pepsi and bag of chips - darn fried chicken! ;o)



Once we reached Brandon we checked into the Royal Oak and took a quick look around, got settled, unpacked and relaxed for a few minutes before we had to get Emily into her Poltava costume and over to the auditorium for her groups' first dance. They danced in the 2nd session of the day and by the time the 2nd session started it was already half an hour behind schedule - a good idea of how things went the rest of the weekend as far as schedule times went. The girls did great and earned a Bronze medal for their work.


Back at the hotel, while waiting for PizzaHut to be delivered - Al took the 4 kids to the pool for some fun. After we ate poolside, the adults hung out and the kids visited with friends for a bit until the pool area was locked up for the night after which, a bunch of us headed back to our room. We talked, laughed, drank & had some fun. We got the kids all asleep by 1am and everyone got a good nights sleep - even though our room was incredibly hot. The a/c doesn't get turned on in the hotel until mid May and the temps on Friday got up to about +25. Even with a fan the hotel provided and the window open, the room didn't cool off much over night and it was over 25 in the room at 7am when we woke up.


Saturday: Owen, typically NOT a morning person, was amazingly easy to get out of bed. He was SO excited to be dancing in his very first competition. Everything was going so well until he scalded his hand in the bathroom and then when I tried to get to him I smashed his poor toes under the bathroom door. Oh Boy did he scream and cry! I felt SO bad but eventually we managed to get him calmed down, got him into his Poltava costume (he looks so cute in Garrett's old shirt!) and over to the auditorium half an hour before his dance at 9am.......not to worry though - they were behind schedule again - after only one session. When they finally got onstage they were priceless! Ya they forgot some of their choreography, but their footwork was amazing and they did a great job regardless. So cute and so brave to get up there at 5yrs old and preform on such a huge stage infront of so many people. The adjudicator really liked the quality of their footwork in their dance - high praise for such little ones and they walked away with Silver medals! Two dances down and one to go later in the day.


Back at the hotel, we had a quick(ish) breakfast in the hotel restaurant and then the kids headed to the pool for some fun. Owen did not have much fun though. He did something to a toe on his 'not smashed' foot so both feet hurt and he wouldn't put them in the water...plus the water in the big pool was FREEZING cold. Al insisted they put icecubes in it. At least the pool was cool...unlike our room which was still quite warm. After playing in the pool, we hurried to get Emily's hair braided and into her costume and back over to the auditorium where her mixed boys/girls group was doing their Hutzel dance - Emily's favorite! Owen fell asleep on the way from the hotel to the auditorium and we carried him around for an hour and a half while waiting for the session to begin. The photo posted in part1 was from that nap. Too cute with his butt in the air. That kid doesn't nap often but when he does he does it well - he was passed back and forth a couple times and set down on the bench for awhile. He woke up in time for the next session. It was the first time we got to see this dance and it was so amazing to watch. They definately deserved the GOLD medals they received for this dance!




And that was the end of our required dance attendance for the weekend. I'd hoped to go back and watch the Jr & Sr Hopak dances later that night but we ended up grabbing some takeout which I brought back to the hotel and then we went and met up with Ron & Janice at the Keystone center to watch Derrian play hockey. We had a nice (although short visit) with them and did some catching up on what our families have been up to since they moved out to Brandon 6months ago. I wish we'd had more time to spend with them but we decided to head back to the hotel and get in a quick swim before the pool closed and I wanted to soak in the hot tub - unfortunately they closed down the hot tub so that didn't happen. Saturday night was a quiet night - everyone pretty much kept to their rooms and had an early night.


Sunday: Up early and packing in a hurry. We needed to be on the road early. No chance to swim. No time to go watch some dancing. Tyler had to be in Winnipeg by 12:30 (at least I thought he had to be there by 12:30 but infact he didn't need to be there till 1) Since we got there just after 12 we had time to grab a quick lunch at Timmies before going to the bowling tournament. Tyler had some rough luck. He was bowling good but just couldn't get those pins falling the way he needed them to - leaving corner pins standing and hitting headpins too often. After 4 games he ended up in 14th place. I think he was disapointed in himself, but I'm just so proud of all that he's done with bowling this year. His game has really improved. Bad me - I took no pictures at the bowling tournament. I think by this point I was so tired I just plain forgot about the camera.


We finally got home at 5pm Sunday. A long busy weekend over. We sat and watched a movie and everyone was in bed by 10. We were lucky to get home so early - alot of the other dancers in our group didn't get back till after 10pm. Really really long weekend for them. So competition weekend is over for another year. I'm glad it's done but can't wait till the next one. A couple more weeks of practices before concert and then dancing's over till September. Bowling is almost done too. Oh whatever will we do with ourselves on Wednesdays and Saturday's till then?

The weekend ~ part 1: a photo-commentary

and that pretty much says it all!

Overwhelmed is an Understatement

I'm making lists (4 of them) and checking them twice (an hour) and no it's not to see who's naughty or nice....I already KNOW the answer to THAT question....and was reminded of it in full force tonight when I took all 4 kids with me to 'pick up a few things' at Fields (think Zellers in a smaller size). By a few things I mean bathing suits - the worlds worst thing to shop for - ever...unless you are a guy of course. It took 4.5 seconds for Owen to pick one (not that he needed a new one but it was a good way to keep his mind off the half size skateboard I've been avoiding buying him for weeks) but getting new ones for the girls was a totally different story. Emily wasn't too bad although it would have been easier a week ago when the rack of suits was FULL. Somehow we managed to find 1 that fit her but Aarica was another story. Women's bathing suits just aren't made to fit a 16yr old built like her - but we managed to find one, after trying on about six, that wasn't too revealing, fit well in all the right places & it looks pretty good on her. She's happy. I'm happy - as a mother with 4 kids in a store can be I guess. There were some moments where I could feel the grey hairs sprouting - like when Owen was looking under the changing room door (egged on my his brother who to this moment claims his innocence) or when Aarica and Tyler had a spat in one of the aisles or when Owen decided he'd had enough and started running around and saying 'you can't get me' with this evil tone. My tone must have been moreso but it didn't even phase him......but the phrase "you will spend the weekend sitting BESIDE the pool watching the other kids play if you don't get your butt back here NOW!' seemed to catch his attention. There were a couple other moments but those were the highlights. So we finished our shopping and almost got all the things on list #2. I gave up before I got to the bottom of it and called it done. List #1 was taken care of partially by Alan and Owen earlier in the evening and it consisted of grocery shopping. List #3 is in progress and I'm just waiting on the 8th load of laundry for the day to be done so I can finish it up. List #4 is kind of a 'if i get a chance, these things should be done' list and it's 50-50 on if it will get done or not. Why all these lists? Because we are going on a road trip tomorrow morning. Am I ready yet? NOT EVEN CLOSE! At 8am this morning I was close to tears at the thought of all the things to do today.....that weren't even ON any of the lists, never mind the ones that are, so I'm completely overwhelmed. The idea that a vacation is a relaxing thing is something of a mystery to me. I'm failing to see the 'relaxing' in any of this. Hopefully I'll feel different tomorrow night when I'm sitting beside the hotel pool with a glass of wine in hand.....darn I forgot to go pick up a couple bottles of wine!

Technically there is very little 'vacation' to this whole trip, but it's as close as we get each year so I like to pretend we are actually on vacation. Humor me and go with it. We are heading out tomorrow morning on a 3 hour tour (hmmm, that sounds familiar - wonder how that little trip turned out?). It's approximately 3 hours to get from home to Brandon which is where the Gimli Barvinok Dance Club is in the Troyanda Ukrainain Dance Competition this weekend. As competition weekends go (this is our 4th year), this year seems kind of laid back to me. Emily dances Friday night at 5. Owen dances at 9am Saturday morning and Em dances again at 3 Saturday afternoon - and then we are done. No costume changes in a hurry. No rushing and fussing. Should be plenty of time to sit and watch dancing or hang out at the hotel & swim and visit with all our friends - cuz there are a whole lot of us going to Brandon this weekend. At least that is my master plan. :0) I'm also looking forward to visiting with family/friends that moved out to Brandon last fall. We miss them and can't wait to meet up with them.

Now originally, I was thinking 'wow, our schedule is great. our kids don't dance Sunday so we can sleep in, hang out some more, do a little swimming before we check out and then maybe watch some dancing before heading home' *sigh* So not the case though. Tyler qualified to represent Gimli in the Junior catagory at the YBC - Bowler of the Year tournament which is...........Sunday in Winnipeg. Yikes! We have to get up early and maybe the kiddos will get in a quick swim before we have to pack up and get out of there to make it back to the city in time for Ty's tournament.

I started this blog 2 years ago - in 2006 right before we went to Brandon for dance competition. Let's do a little comparing - Back in '06, I only wrote a couple posts then kind of forgot about my blog and this year I've already posted more than I did back then. That year it was Tyler and Emily dancing and this year it's Emily and Owen. That year I woke up Sunday with a pinched nerve in my neck and by the time we got home I was in agony and this year my neck has been burning and tingely all week - I'm taking my 'magic muscle relaxers' just in case. Last time we had car trouble on the way home from Brandon and it was a long long long drive home and this year we've been having trouble with the van again so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we don't have any problems this time. Maybe we should just stay home. I got a big box of CTMH scrapping stuff on my doorstep this afternoon. I could easily amuse myself with paper, pictures, scissors & glue all weekend.......or not. So it's off to Brandon we go. Creativity...with paper will wait and with any luck at all I won't forget my camera and I'll put it to good use this weekend........hopefully taking lots of pics of my great kids - with medals around their necks!!!

Why I Returned to Blogging

I'm very much a person that needs to get my thoughts out of my head - or they tend to haunt me. Talking to someone would seem a logical track to take in such instances but writing them out works better for me - plus there's nobody talking back while I'm trying to think. I tend to keep what I'm really thinking to myself until I can't take it anymore (not a good thing) so by at least writing things down I can express what's on my mind and then deal with it.

So....on to the events of last Friday which brought about a frenzie of feelings and a resulting pity party and led to me being online all day doing some surfing for resources of various types. Eventually I ended up at a site that listed some parent blogs and I started reading a couple. One in particular really caught my attention and for the next 3 days, whenever I had a spare moment....and even when the moments weren't really 'spare', I found myself pouring through this mom's blog - reading 3 years of archived posts with an obsessive need. This woman, a married mother of 2 young girls, living in the US. A young professional, a woman with passionate posts about religion, politics and many many things. Most touching to me is how she is a strong advocate for her oldest daughter who has Down's Syndrome.

Why was I drawn to her posts so much. Because my pity party was about just how hard it is for me to be a good advocate for my daughter. We had been to see the Children's Special Services Social Worker on Friday morning and as always, after we left then the words I'd wanted to say, the feelings I wanted to express came pouring out. I 'vented' to those that would listen but honestly what good does that do my daughter. I should have spoken up at the meeting and said my peace then - only that's not me. I don't think quick on my feet and only after the fact do things come to mind that I want to say. Why were we at the CSS offices? We'd been called in because with A turning 16 (omg...how can THAT be?) in a couple weeks, the process of transfering her case over to Adult Services is begining. So we had to sign paperwork authorizing the CSS office to access her school records, particularily any phychological assessments. And to that I say - hahaha....good luck finding anything since it's been a requested item on her IEP for years and I've yet to see any concrete documentation that any sort of testing has been done - ya....really good advocating on my part huh. (Bad Mommy Advocate example #1) So we sign the paper - that for the record didn't even have our daughter's name written anywhere on it! and I had to point out that fact to the SW. After that was done we moved right along to I believe was the true reason for this wonderful meeting. You see I'm a jaded person so I tend to think there are alterior motives for things people say and do. Would the fact that A is turning 16 soon and it was time to being the transer to Adult Services have even come up this week had it not been April? April is funding month and in my experience that is when we 'hear from' our SW. She has to put A into the budget, so I guess now is a good a time as any to 'check in' with us and see how we are doing not that we talked about 'how we are doing' but rather what sort of services can the SW pop into the budget for this year. In the past this has been them paying for her (and an assistant) to go to camp for a week... effectively using our allotment of respite for the year. Well, last year A decided she didn't want to go to camp and even though the SW tried a couple times to convince her, she does not want to go this year either. I think i've finally caught on to this game. They want her to go to camp for the simple fact that it is a number they can plug into their budget for the coming year. "oh look what we've done for A this year....we spent $800 on 'respite' care for this girl and her stressed out family" Now don't get me wrong....I value the assistance and money spent on camp but in hindsight it sure made any other sort of support non-existant...not that in my jaded eyes I think there would have been much other support given. In addition to camp, a string of workers over the last couple years have also been taking A out for a couple hours each week to various activities - special o swimming or just hanging out and some experiences were better than others - and ironically this is usually the time of year that our SW magically finds a new worker for us. While it's nice to have that break for a couple hours it's not what i would call 'support'. Anyway, since she's refused to go to camp this year we now have a meeting with yet another new worker and since we (her father & i) couldn't come up with things for them to do together last friday, we are to "bring some ideas" with us to the meeting with the new worker next week. Why is she getting paid and yet I'm the one that needs to do the brainstorming...... AND THIS.....is the 'programming' that I am now going to have to fight for the next 2 years till she is 18 for the Adult Services division to continue. Continue? continue what programming? And just to clarify - many of the people who have worked with A over the years as a worker have been truely amazing people and we value their help highly....I'm just disapointed in the level of services provided by the people higher up in the food chain - the social worker(s).

Right at this point I'm damn frusterated and feeling very unworthy as an advocate for my child -- and for the rest of my family. I dropped the ball many years ago and stuck my head in the sand and feel a whole ton of guilt at the moment after reading how others' are advocates for their children. Bad Mommy Advocate!

Two Words That Make Me Cringe ---- Science Fair

Isn't it bad enough I had to endure Science Fair as a kid. Why now I am subjected to the pain of it all over again through my child? It's just not fair! ha ha....i'm sure there's a punny joke in there about it being fair....science fair - but I'm not in a joking mood.

My son, bless him - he's a good kid and all, is NOT a project kind of kid. Never has been. Can't see him ever being one. Coming up with an idea and making a plan. Organizing thoughts and facts and information. Understanding the information, processing it and then creating an imaginative display - complete with...oh i dont' know....some creativity. Not his strong traits. Oh and while I'm a really good procrastinator - he's the KING! He can make something that only takes 10minutes stretch out to last hours. Now I know how frusterating it was for my mom - raising me. Only difference was I would eventually get down to business and get the work done and more times than not, the pressure of the looming deadline resulted in a much better final product - that's just the way I am. My son has the procrastination thing down pat but the 'get it done' part.....not so much.

So I'm learning a whole lot about solar panels, seen the inside workings of a solar garden light and am trying deperately to explain things to him and guide him in hopes that he will figure out how to get this project done with as little assistance from me as possible. Face it, I'm finished school and don't get extra mommy credit for the brilliance & creativity of this project so he needs to do it himself. It's just hard to watch him struggle, knowing he's in over his head because he's just not a project person. It was also hard to dish out money today for things like printer ink ($56!) and a box of solar lights ($20) so he could do this project. These items were NOT in the budget....and the ink is something I've needed for the last 2 weeks for work and I've been unwilling to 'find' the money elsewhere in the budget for myself but somehow made an exception for just for him. *sigh* the sacrifices we make for our kids. Now I just have to figure out which bill is going to be short on the payment this week because of it.