Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
Have I mentioned this SUCKS!!!
Why is it so hard to keep my head above water nevermind actually get ahead. I just don't know how much energy I have to keep treading water before I completely give up.
How ironic that the first phone call of the day was from some charity. I didn't answer the phone....it's on my caller id because they call often and don't like to hear the word NO. Quite frankly I didn't want to listen to their big old speech because a) I don't give to charities that call me randomly when I don't know who the heck they are or if they are even legit and b) I lack the cash to make donations - even the causes I would love to make donations to. There is nothing worse than listening to people who can't take a polite no for an answer and try to guilt me into making a donation.......but it only takes a few dollars and think about the poor children or whatever their charity supposts..... blah blah blah.
That ignored phone call should have been a clue as to how this day would go because every time I turn around today someone else is asking for money....only with them, I can't decline to give them anything cuz well that's just the way the people who provide the electricity that powers my world works. Unfortunately they weren't even happy with my somewhat generous offer and counter offered a couple hundred higher.....complete with an ultimatum. Wasn't that nice of them? Ya - real sweet. I'm thrilled to bits. I honestly know I owe them a crapload of money - heating this drafty old house is killing me slowly and I know it, but I could have used at least a little break on this one for another few weeks. I'd caught up on most everything else and this one bill is the last on the list of biggies to fix. I was feeling pretty good about the waters I was treading up to this point but someone left the water running and it's getting a little deep in here.
Then I figured I should open the mail and see what other surprises await....because surprises you are forewarned about are a little less traumatic than say....a sudden lack internet connection because you forgot to pay the bill. It's like playing the lottery......or a game show. Lets see what's behind door number 2 shall we. Actually, opening the mail wasn't too bad. Most of the 'reminder notices' were for things I'd already taken care of on my own in the last week or so, phew! Yeah me.
Then I got to the 'business mail'. Too bad Regis isn't here to offer me a lifeline cuz what was in envelope 2 was totally NOT what I was expecting. I mean really...I get mail from Canada Revenue all the time - "thank you for your remittance, here's next months forms" etc etc - the joys of payroll taxes and GST remittances. No biggie. Ya. Well. This one is a biggie. It seems there is a discrepancy with some money remitted throughout 2007 and what was reported on all the T4s and they want the difference NOW....or else. You've got to be kidding me. So here I am a few days from payroll remittance, hoping I budgetted enough for it this month and worrying about how to pay the damn GST at the end of the month and now I need to figure out what got screwed up where and when and then somewhere magically come up with almost $400 to pay this 'difference' (cuz honestly....the gov't doesnt' make mistakes so I more than likely owe them the damn money right).
For the love of grocery money is there no end to this? Everyone get your hands out of my pockets!!! They are empty. Empty I tell you and I have nothing more to give.
If you need me I'll be in my office trying not to smudge printer ink with my tears, banging my head on the desk and chain smoking my way through a $12 pack of smokes that I can't afford to smoke but will loose my mind if I don't and maybe I should pick up a bottle or two of 'faux-merlot' just to make this whole experience funner than fun.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
a prescription for........pain relief.....and germ warefare....and HOPE.
Okay so there are times when we can go months and months withough seeing anyone in the medical profession......and then there are times where I feel like I'm in a revolving door and pop in frequently to see the doc, pharmacist and recently therapists/resource coordinators (not medical I know but still a "professional" so it will count in this instance) The past few weeks have been one revolving door visit after another.
I've seen our family doctor twice more since I lost my mind in his office 4 weeks ago and bawled and damn near had a panic attack and begged for help. Once to get a refill of my 'blithering idiot pills' since I'd taken the remaining 6 pills that were left over from January's back spasm incident when last Tuesday I had another spasm. I spent 24hours looped out of my mind (for 20of them I was asleep) and then the next couple days in just slight pain - only taking the pills at night. Since that left me with no more pills I decided I'd go ask for a refill of them to have on hand for when - not if - but when this happens again and thankfully the doc and the student doc both agreed to my request. 15more magic beans on hand for next time. woohoo!
Yesterday I was back in his office. This time with a sick little girl, who'd been home from school for the past 2 days. "She doesn't look very sick and her throat is only slightly red and her glands are only slightly swollen but I'll take a swab and give you a prescription just in case" (since he was leaving early and wouldn't be around later). Why does he insist on playing this just-to-humor-me game everytime I drag a sick child in for a throat swab. 9 times out of 10 I'm right and it's almost always the ones that 'don't look sick' that end up with the positive swab and the resulting bottle of yellow stuff to battle the germs. I predict at least one more member of this family to test positive over the next week.....we are a sharing family that way. I appologize to anyone else we may subsequently share this with. Think of it as our way of saying we love you!
I wonder how many more visits to see him I can squeeze in before the 15th of July....which is apparently when he is no longer our doctor. To this I say "Pardon?" While reading the local newspaper last Friday.....just an hour or two after leaving his office re the blithering idiot pills, I read a notice announcing that he is leaving his practice and some new doctor will be taking over all his patients. Huh? What? Come again? I'm stunned. So now I have a new doctor that I don't even know - I'm so not comfortable with this situation....especially since things are about to get more interesting in the family medical area around here in the next little while.
Which brings me to the HOPE part of this update.
We've seen the psychologist - a result of my loosing my mind in the dr's office 4wks ago, 3 times in the last 3 weeks plus I've talked to him a couple times on the phone. Finally I feel like I have someone solidly on my side who sees the big picture and understands what's going on and can help. Help me with my state of mind and also help with dealing with some of the chaos and confussion around here. While not all strategies we brainstorm durring these sessions end up working the way we expect - every little idea helps in some way. Well almost every idea - we WILL NOT being doing any more relaxation exercises ...thankyouverymuchbutnothanks (since 4hours later I was flat on my back in pain from a spasm...relaxing - NOT!) and the girl takes things so literally and to the extreme that some suggestions just ended up snowballing - but it was a good effort and the psychologist got a good idea of how information is or is not being processed in that little ol' mind of hers.
I'm even slowly adjusting to the fact that since the funny psychologist guy rattled ThatWoman from CSS's chain, she's been more involved. She's called a couple times and is coming out to 'visit' next week (have i mentioned I don't like people in my space who may 'judge me') to do a home safety assessment as part of some Union agreement regarding respite - so even though we dont' actually have respite workers coming INTO our home we have to have this assessment done. Oh Boy.
Anyway (i got sidetracked there for a minute) back to the HOPE. Hope in the form of a prescription. The phychologist has suggested a couple times that we consider trying medication again to help with some of the issues at hand - inattention, mood swings/irritability etc. and he's mentioned trying Ritalin again. We did it once and I've often thought of trying again so I was willing to go for it. That is until yesterdays meeting. A totally different medication was brought up and to me it seems he's really put alot of thought into this because after reading about the medication and its uses it's reinforcing some ideas I've had lately --- and I think my ideas are his ideas too.
Someone mentioned to me a month or so ago that the symptoms/issues we have been experiencing seems alot along the lines of Asperger's Syndrome and the more I read the more I'm convinced that this is at least in part what we are dealing with......and although I have not mentioned this to the phychologist - the medication he is recommending is becoming known for dealing some aspects of AS - particulary irritability and aggression and impulsivity. So this really leads me to think him and I are on the same page and I'm gonna ask him straight out about it next time I talk to him.
In the mean time - he's sent a letter to our doctor....you know...the one who's leaving soon.....requesting he provide the prescription for a very low dose of Rispiradol and the subsequent monitoring of it. I'm worried about the reply. It could go either way. The doctor could agree OR he could say no. So I'm waiting and waiting to hear and trying not to get my hopes up that this will happen sooner rather than later (if he says no then we have to find another doctor willing to take this on) and I'm trying not to hope too much that this medication will actually work and more importantly work with minimal ,if any, side effects. This won't FIX things but it could potentially improve the quality of alot of lives in this house....and that is so worth HOPING for!!!
~K
I've seen our family doctor twice more since I lost my mind in his office 4 weeks ago and bawled and damn near had a panic attack and begged for help. Once to get a refill of my 'blithering idiot pills' since I'd taken the remaining 6 pills that were left over from January's back spasm incident when last Tuesday I had another spasm. I spent 24hours looped out of my mind (for 20of them I was asleep) and then the next couple days in just slight pain - only taking the pills at night. Since that left me with no more pills I decided I'd go ask for a refill of them to have on hand for when - not if - but when this happens again and thankfully the doc and the student doc both agreed to my request. 15more magic beans on hand for next time. woohoo!
Yesterday I was back in his office. This time with a sick little girl, who'd been home from school for the past 2 days. "She doesn't look very sick and her throat is only slightly red and her glands are only slightly swollen but I'll take a swab and give you a prescription just in case" (since he was leaving early and wouldn't be around later). Why does he insist on playing this just-to-humor-me game everytime I drag a sick child in for a throat swab. 9 times out of 10 I'm right and it's almost always the ones that 'don't look sick' that end up with the positive swab and the resulting bottle of yellow stuff to battle the germs. I predict at least one more member of this family to test positive over the next week.....we are a sharing family that way. I appologize to anyone else we may subsequently share this with. Think of it as our way of saying we love you!
I wonder how many more visits to see him I can squeeze in before the 15th of July....which is apparently when he is no longer our doctor. To this I say "Pardon?" While reading the local newspaper last Friday.....just an hour or two after leaving his office re the blithering idiot pills, I read a notice announcing that he is leaving his practice and some new doctor will be taking over all his patients. Huh? What? Come again? I'm stunned. So now I have a new doctor that I don't even know - I'm so not comfortable with this situation....especially since things are about to get more interesting in the family medical area around here in the next little while.
Which brings me to the HOPE part of this update.
We've seen the psychologist - a result of my loosing my mind in the dr's office 4wks ago, 3 times in the last 3 weeks plus I've talked to him a couple times on the phone. Finally I feel like I have someone solidly on my side who sees the big picture and understands what's going on and can help. Help me with my state of mind and also help with dealing with some of the chaos and confussion around here. While not all strategies we brainstorm durring these sessions end up working the way we expect - every little idea helps in some way. Well almost every idea - we WILL NOT being doing any more relaxation exercises ...thankyouverymuchbutnothanks (since 4hours later I was flat on my back in pain from a spasm...relaxing - NOT!) and the girl takes things so literally and to the extreme that some suggestions just ended up snowballing - but it was a good effort and the psychologist got a good idea of how information is or is not being processed in that little ol' mind of hers.
I'm even slowly adjusting to the fact that since the funny psychologist guy rattled ThatWoman from CSS's chain, she's been more involved. She's called a couple times and is coming out to 'visit' next week (have i mentioned I don't like people in my space who may 'judge me') to do a home safety assessment as part of some Union agreement regarding respite - so even though we dont' actually have respite workers coming INTO our home we have to have this assessment done. Oh Boy.
Anyway (i got sidetracked there for a minute) back to the HOPE. Hope in the form of a prescription. The phychologist has suggested a couple times that we consider trying medication again to help with some of the issues at hand - inattention, mood swings/irritability etc. and he's mentioned trying Ritalin again. We did it once and I've often thought of trying again so I was willing to go for it. That is until yesterdays meeting. A totally different medication was brought up and to me it seems he's really put alot of thought into this because after reading about the medication and its uses it's reinforcing some ideas I've had lately --- and I think my ideas are his ideas too.
Someone mentioned to me a month or so ago that the symptoms/issues we have been experiencing seems alot along the lines of Asperger's Syndrome and the more I read the more I'm convinced that this is at least in part what we are dealing with......and although I have not mentioned this to the phychologist - the medication he is recommending is becoming known for dealing some aspects of AS - particulary irritability and aggression and impulsivity. So this really leads me to think him and I are on the same page and I'm gonna ask him straight out about it next time I talk to him.
In the mean time - he's sent a letter to our doctor....you know...the one who's leaving soon.....requesting he provide the prescription for a very low dose of Rispiradol and the subsequent monitoring of it. I'm worried about the reply. It could go either way. The doctor could agree OR he could say no. So I'm waiting and waiting to hear and trying not to get my hopes up that this will happen sooner rather than later (if he says no then we have to find another doctor willing to take this on) and I'm trying not to hope too much that this medication will actually work and more importantly work with minimal ,if any, side effects. This won't FIX things but it could potentially improve the quality of alot of lives in this house....and that is so worth HOPING for!!!
~K
Sunday, June 08, 2008
and then the boy said.....
"oh mom, you always come thru for me."
and i am speechless
how do you repond to that other than to grin and feel like somebody loves you and everything you do for them...even the little things
and what brought forth this tidbit of love from my 5 (and a half) year old son's mouth
i handed him a banana sandwich
a banana sandwich he hadn't asked for
a meal he didn't whine for (unlike his sister who was hungry in mid afternoon.....possibly because she didn't bother listening to me when i said 'have breakfast' a few hours earlier like he did)
i'd made her a banana sandwich - cuz really those couple of remaining bananas were destined for the garbage sooner rather than later anyway and cuz i haven't been grocery shopping in a week and the pantry is BARE!
i made him one just because if i was making one i may as well make two.
i walked into the living room, handed him the sandwich muttering 'here - eat this' half expecting him to grumble that he didn't want it and as i walked away he floored me with his loving words
ahhhh it's good to be loved - and i so needed it this afternoon
and i'm speechless
because once again i'm thinking 'where the heck does he come up with these things he says'
he's a funny kid.
and i love him
and he loves me
and some days that's enough to get you through
especially on those days when other children, who shall remain nameless, are whining....i'm bored; i don't want to help cut the grass; or take the sheets off my bed for washing; make my own breakfast. i want to go to town; amma's; gramma's; aunty georgie's; cherie's; alex's basically anywhere but here - cuz i'm bored and don't want to help cut the grass or clean my room or put my laundry away or any of the other millions of ways that might be thought up to torture their poor pitiful souls.
and i am speechless
how do you repond to that other than to grin and feel like somebody loves you and everything you do for them...even the little things
and what brought forth this tidbit of love from my 5 (and a half) year old son's mouth
i handed him a banana sandwich
a banana sandwich he hadn't asked for
a meal he didn't whine for (unlike his sister who was hungry in mid afternoon.....possibly because she didn't bother listening to me when i said 'have breakfast' a few hours earlier like he did)
i'd made her a banana sandwich - cuz really those couple of remaining bananas were destined for the garbage sooner rather than later anyway and cuz i haven't been grocery shopping in a week and the pantry is BARE!
i made him one just because if i was making one i may as well make two.
i walked into the living room, handed him the sandwich muttering 'here - eat this' half expecting him to grumble that he didn't want it and as i walked away he floored me with his loving words
ahhhh it's good to be loved - and i so needed it this afternoon
and i'm speechless
because once again i'm thinking 'where the heck does he come up with these things he says'
he's a funny kid.
and i love him
and he loves me
and some days that's enough to get you through
especially on those days when other children, who shall remain nameless, are whining....i'm bored; i don't want to help cut the grass; or take the sheets off my bed for washing; make my own breakfast. i want to go to town; amma's; gramma's; aunty georgie's; cherie's; alex's basically anywhere but here - cuz i'm bored and don't want to help cut the grass or clean my room or put my laundry away or any of the other millions of ways that might be thought up to torture their poor pitiful souls.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
We are not Hillbillies. We are sisters.
We are sisters that came together over the years, through the branching of an oddly JerrySpringer-ish family tree.
We are sisters at heart.
Both of these beautiful woman mean the world to me and I'm blessed to have them both in my life. I'm even more blessed that the men in their lives 'get' the bond the three of us (and my mom too) all share with each other.
Not many men in this world would be so understanding of the continued relationship one person has with an ex-spouses family nor for that matter an ex-spouses' ex-spouse. I know....weird circle and you are lost but that's the JerrySpringer-ishness of it all. It doesn't really matter HOW we are un-related, just that we are and are quite fine with it.
So it has come to be that the beautiful lady on the left, Liz, is getting married to an understanding fellow (Gary) and that the beautiful lady on the right, Yolie, is married to an equally understanding fellow (Donnie) and while Yolie is coming to town for Liz and Gary's upcoming annual backyard summer party turned wedding, Donnie is not able to come with her. Since Yolie will be flying solo at said party and knowing few of the others in attendance, it was thought by Liz, that I might be Yolies' guest for the festivities. The ever understanding Gary was asked his opinion on the matter and while his concern is that it appears he's marrying a hillbilly, I have been granted the thrilling opportunity to attend their wedding...... and I'm ever so excited!!!!
edited to add - what does one wear to a backyard party/wedding when you are informed that it is casual and there will be carnival games and 'don't be surprised if the justice of the peace is wearing a clown nose'. I just have no clue how to define casual after hearing that.
Emily is 8!!!!
Happy Birthday My Beautiful Priness!!!
Emily actually turned 8 two weeks ago and I realized last week that I hadn't posted her *happy birthday* and then I had to find the perfect picture of her (thanks to Aunty Heather) for it.
Emily had a wonderful year this past year as did her brother and sister. While she did not get to travel to BC for a week she did get to spend that week home with just her little brother and dad and I - a rare treat in itself, and she attended day camp at the rec center (spy week...so fun) durring that time. It was a much needed fun week spending it with many of her friends from school whom she missed over the summer. She's had a great time in Grade 2 and has in true 'emily style' progressed amazingly and her teachers make sure she's challenged enough daily to keep her love of learning alive and not get bored (something I've always been afraid of). She LOVES to read and is now confidently reading chapter books with almost the same desire as I did at her age. Finally I have my book-worm!!! Emily of course was in Ukrainain Dancing again this year and loved every minute of it - as if there was ever any doubt. She started bowling with the YBC this year and has made great strides since September....if we could only get rid of that nasty curve ball. It's one of the few times I've seen her actually struggle to master something and while there were some ups and downs she never once gave up. While she is our girlie-girl princess - dressing up and wearing pretty shoes, she's also willing to get in the mess of things and be rough and tumble with her brothers (or the boys at school....that girl does not own a pair of pants that do not have holes in the knees from playing soccer with the boys) or get dirty working with dad out in the garage. Her and dad have this special bond and she will tag along with him any time he asks. Together they go out and check the oil in the trucks and make sure they are ready for work the next day. Our smart, funny (sarcastic...oh how i love that) beautiful little princess is 8 years old already. Wow how time flys, but how fun it is to watch her soar!
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