Twas the days after Christmas
and all through the house
wrapping paper was scattered,
being chased like a mouse
by kittens so excited
to play in the mess
while 4 children sat nestled
happily playing their DS.
My story could go on
I could make it rhyme
but really I'm exhausted
and don't have the time.
The New Year is coming and
resolutions are mounting
I got a giftcard from HomeHardware
and my purchases I'm counting
New Drywall. New Paint.
A light fixture or two
I'm going to make this house
look almost as good as new (i said ALMOST)
The reno did start
a day or so ago
beginning with that wall
that really had to go
So now I am cleaning
and purging and fretting
Do I have room for this airhockey table?
On this I'm not betting.
There's laundry to do
and some shelves that need clearing
I'm enjoying my space
but the end of the year is nearing.
As our contract is finished
an openhouse we are hosting
as we tell stories with old friends
and to a new future we are toasting.
I wish you all a sweet end
to the year 2008.
My wish for you all is
that next year is GREAT!
Happy Holidays! See you in 2009!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Seriously? Seriously! Seriously!!!!
The furnace has been jacked up to 25 and has been running continuously for the past 3 hours so WHY is the house getting colder not warmer? Why?Why!Why? Mother Nature has got to cut me some slack cuz I simply cannot afford to even open the Hydro bill at this rate never mind pay it. My hands are so cold I can barely type and I feel a breeze on my back as I sit here. The cold is seeping in through every thin wall and crack imaginable and it's so so depressing. Someone please turn off the A/C outside. I so wasn't kidding when I was asked what we were doing for Christmas and I said....'don't know about the rest of them but I'm planning on being in Florida'.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Good - The Bad - The Fugly
The title pretty much sums up how I'd describe the first 15 days of December. Only 9 more days till Christmas and really I'm not feeling the usual pre-holiday stresses. Too busy with the normal everyday ones that I haven't even hit Christmas-is-coming-and-I'm-so-not-ready on the stress-o-meter....yet. But it's coming. I can feel it.
Still light on the 'good' these days but still managing to keep sane with only the occasional melt down. The 'bad' snuck in and bit me on the backside. My mom's scope tests scheduled for 7am almost two weeks ago but were cancelled at the last minute due to medication conflicts with the procedure. After much eye-rolling it's been rescheduled for the first week of January. They tried to reschedule it for last week but again a medication conflict which is a good thing because we wouldn't have shown up. She got way sick last week. We thought at first she had a stomach bug (which has definately made the rounds through town...and my house) and I thought we'd dealt with that reasonably well but then discovered, after a routine blood test, that her potassium had dropped too low - dangerously low. The symptoms were so similar to the flu though that we totally missed it. When she wasn't feeling better...actually getting worse by this weekend I hauled her into the ER where we were pleased to hear her potassium levels had returned to normal BUT (and it's a really big BUT) at some point while her potassium was too low, she may have had some sort of heart trouble. Blood tests done in the ER showed markers that indicate she many have recently experienced a heart attack. Can't say for sure when but the marker levels have since decreased so I don't think there's any lasting issue. In the mean time she still wasn't feeling well......but why was a mystery. A mystery until the doctor pressed on her face and she went through the roof in pain. We had a huge d'uh moment when we realized the worsening of her symptoms on Saturday had nothing to do with potassium or the flu. She has a sinus infection. 24hours of advil cold and sinus and some anti-biotics and she says she feels like she might live (always a good thing) and is getting stronger by the day. Will the fun ever stop???
But wait. We haven't got to the FUGLY part yet. And this is definately F-n Ugly! We waited 25 days and now it's official. We've definately lost our contract. We will wait till the holidays are over before we seriously start crunching numbers and see just how deep in the shit we are and see if there is any way we can sustain the business on just the one contract. Shutting down completely leaves the business (which is it's own entity thankfully!) with a huge debt and our safety net of hauling scrap metal in to help pay that down dropped out from under us when our buyer informed us the price had bottomed out. Could anything else go wrong? Doubt it. We've pretty much covered all the bases here.
So we face 2009 with the prospect of unemployment and are trying very hard to be optimistic and think of this as a new beginning. It's terrifying though. After almost 14 years of being self-employed we are forced now to find work with someone else. Al has already picked up the books and has been studying to get his class 1 license and he should be able to find a job relatively easily. I'm not feeling as optimistic about my options. No matter what happens though, 2009 is definately going to be quite different than what we are used to around here.
I'm keeping busy this week, trying not to think too much about the future and focus on the here and now. And the here and now involves a little home reno and furniture moving.....9 days before Christmas....cuz I'm crazy that way. It might not be the greatest timing but if it solves some of the family dynamic issues we've got going on around here and improves the amount of living space we have - then it will all be worth it. It's kind of my Christmas present to myself and my sanity. I just hope the project moves along quickly because I really need to get that Christmas tree put up...and finish shopping.
Still light on the 'good' these days but still managing to keep sane with only the occasional melt down. The 'bad' snuck in and bit me on the backside. My mom's scope tests scheduled for 7am almost two weeks ago but were cancelled at the last minute due to medication conflicts with the procedure. After much eye-rolling it's been rescheduled for the first week of January. They tried to reschedule it for last week but again a medication conflict which is a good thing because we wouldn't have shown up. She got way sick last week. We thought at first she had a stomach bug (which has definately made the rounds through town...and my house) and I thought we'd dealt with that reasonably well but then discovered, after a routine blood test, that her potassium had dropped too low - dangerously low. The symptoms were so similar to the flu though that we totally missed it. When she wasn't feeling better...actually getting worse by this weekend I hauled her into the ER where we were pleased to hear her potassium levels had returned to normal BUT (and it's a really big BUT) at some point while her potassium was too low, she may have had some sort of heart trouble. Blood tests done in the ER showed markers that indicate she many have recently experienced a heart attack. Can't say for sure when but the marker levels have since decreased so I don't think there's any lasting issue. In the mean time she still wasn't feeling well......but why was a mystery. A mystery until the doctor pressed on her face and she went through the roof in pain. We had a huge d'uh moment when we realized the worsening of her symptoms on Saturday had nothing to do with potassium or the flu. She has a sinus infection. 24hours of advil cold and sinus and some anti-biotics and she says she feels like she might live (always a good thing) and is getting stronger by the day. Will the fun ever stop???
But wait. We haven't got to the FUGLY part yet. And this is definately F-n Ugly! We waited 25 days and now it's official. We've definately lost our contract. We will wait till the holidays are over before we seriously start crunching numbers and see just how deep in the shit we are and see if there is any way we can sustain the business on just the one contract. Shutting down completely leaves the business (which is it's own entity thankfully!) with a huge debt and our safety net of hauling scrap metal in to help pay that down dropped out from under us when our buyer informed us the price had bottomed out. Could anything else go wrong? Doubt it. We've pretty much covered all the bases here.
So we face 2009 with the prospect of unemployment and are trying very hard to be optimistic and think of this as a new beginning. It's terrifying though. After almost 14 years of being self-employed we are forced now to find work with someone else. Al has already picked up the books and has been studying to get his class 1 license and he should be able to find a job relatively easily. I'm not feeling as optimistic about my options. No matter what happens though, 2009 is definately going to be quite different than what we are used to around here.
I'm keeping busy this week, trying not to think too much about the future and focus on the here and now. And the here and now involves a little home reno and furniture moving.....9 days before Christmas....cuz I'm crazy that way. It might not be the greatest timing but if it solves some of the family dynamic issues we've got going on around here and improves the amount of living space we have - then it will all be worth it. It's kind of my Christmas present to myself and my sanity. I just hope the project moves along quickly because I really need to get that Christmas tree put up...and finish shopping.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Owen is 6 !!!
Okay so the little man, my youngest, my baby isn't so much a baby anymore. He's 6 already! Happy Birthday Dude. His birthday was last Tuesday and we had a rocking good party for him that afternoon. Of course he wanted a Bowling party and he invited a pile of friends (which i'm happy to report didn't all show up...cuz quite frankly that would have frazzled me beyond repair). I also invited the older sisters of a couple of his friends along to play with Emily too. All together there were 12 kids...can you say CHAOS! They had a great time bowling and eating and opening presents - which all took way less time than I'd thought so we then had to entertain and keep the kids busy for 25minutes before their parents came to pick them up. Fun Stuff Baby!
Owen had a great year this past year and has really grown so much in so many ways. He had a rough go of Kindergarden last year with quite a few moments of stress, with him not wanting to get up in the mornings or go to school at all. He had some issues with a bully of sorts in his class room and at daycare which has all been sorted out. This year is completely different. He's up and eager to go to school each day (except for the pile of days he's been sick...which is a whole lot!) At some point over the summer we discovered the little critter could read! Totally shocked us. I'm so happy to have one more 'reader' in my house. He loves to read and takes great pride in it. I was worried that all the school he'd missed the first few months of the year would set him back but he's ahead of where he needs to be reading wise so all is good. Last year was his first year of YBC bowling and he did amazingly well. He's back in bowling again this year and loves it and of course he is Ukrainain Dancing again this year too. Right now he's loves playing with Webkinz and also with his Nintendo DS games - most recently his new Pokemon Diamond game. He loves all things Pokemon especially the 'action figure' type toys. Any kind of plastic figurine that he can make up pretend games with is what he really loves. His imagination is really something so witness. Our little guy is really growing up. Not the shy little thing he used to be, hiding any time anyone spoke to him. He's really come out of his shell. It's hard to believe but my baby's growing up more and more each day and turning into a confident, funny (way funny), imaginative young boy. Happy Birthday Owen. Momma Loves You!!!
Friday, December 05, 2008
The Craptastic VS Fantastic Ratio
So we are skipping ahead almost 5 months since my last post. I'm such a wonderful blog updater. Not. I'm torn between just forgetting the past few months existed and just starting from this point and moving forward or rehashing the highs and lows of the past few months of chaos and confusion with the occasional burst of creativity to keep me sane thrown in.
There are pros and cons to both but I guess since the past 5 months did exist and I can't erase them from my mind entirely and lets face it, what's happened happened and will continue to happen so I might as well face it and at least recap it.
July was.....so long ago. I'd posted a few tidbits and even published a post a few weeks ago that had been written in July. I'm trying to think back. I'm sure we had some high points and did some fun 'summer' things but really all I can think of is that we worked hard and it rained lots. My mom continued to battle the recurring pneumonia-like symptoms with some good weeks and bad weeks. Thankfully, she had a good week near the end of the month when these people came to visit.
My neice Tami and great neice Rowan spent a day here with my mom and except for the couple hours they spent in the ER after baby fell and smacked her teeth into the table, it was a great visit. Mom finally got to meet her Great Granddaughter. I took a couple 4 Generations pictures of Mom, William, Tami and Rowan with my brother's camera but I didn't think to take the picture again using the camera I had borrowed for the occasion...so until my brother gets around to sending me that photo you will just have to imagine it.
August long weekend we did the usual, traditional things. Spent a fortune on wrist bands and the kids rode the rides endlessly and since I'm still camera-less...no pics. I can't believe it. An Icelandic Festival without the traditional pictures to doccument it. It's not like I don't have dozens and dozens of pictures of the kids riding the same rides year after year but it's cool to compare the pictures from years past and see how much they've grown. We watched the parade Monday morning from Russel's front yard and had a BBQ lunch. A few of us walked down to the park after lunch and I splurged on henna tattoos for myself and the kids - well almost all the kids. Owen fell asleep in my arms so he didn't get one. That kid could sleep anywhere. My day at the park was cut short though by a call from my mom. Her good week had come to an end and she was having trouble breathing again. Back to the ER - again. She ended up having reactions to a few new drugs the dr gave her and by the end of that week I had practically moved in with her - not wanting her to spend much time on her own because she was so weak. Durring that time I bounced back and forth between her house and mine trying to keep up with groceries, laundry and dishes at both places and spending what time I could with my kids. A few days later I took her back to the hospital and finally, after 2 months and at least 8 trips to the ER she was admitted. There was a lot more to her problems than just pneumonia. That was just a symptom - a side effect of what was really going on. Before they could figure out what the real problem was though she became completely unstable and for about 12 hours I was really really worried. At one point on her 2nd day there, there was talk about transfering her to ICU in the city. Fortunately they were able to get her stableized. A small miracle. I found out weeks later that the doctor had been nervous about transfering her to the city because he didn't think she would survive the trip. Scarey!!!! In the end it turned out that the pneumonia she'd been battling was a side effect of her heart issues, which were being complicated by fluid build up in her body which was a result of her thyroid being out of wack. They adjusted her thyroid meds and in no time she was feeling a million times better. Unfortunately she ended up spending her 70th birthday in the hospital but we made the best of it and I brought in a cake and presents and the kids and Al and I set up a little party for her. I spent a lot of time bouncing back and forth between home and the hospital for 11 days and it was hard on my physically, emotionally and mentally but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. As long as I knew she was okay - I was okay. August really was a blur. Other than the whole hospital stay, I don't remember much. Somehow I managed to get the kids ready for school to start after the September long weekend.
Unfortunately things haven't been smooth sailing health wise with everyone else either. I ended up in mid august with a sinus infection and then just as mom was being discharged from the hospital I ended up with Strep. A couple kids have been on antibiotics for strep this fall as well and then there was the upper respiratory cough that just wouldn't go away and then when it does it comes back a few weeks later anyway. We've also gone a couple rounds of a stomache virus and had a bit of the ol' pink eye as a chaser. Fun stuff. The schools just aren't surprised anymore when I call to say one kid or another won't be there because they are sick again. By early November Owen had missed more than 3 weeks of school and Tyler wasn't far behind on his own statistics. I sure hope the new year brings much health to my entire family. Even with missing so much school though, everyone is doing pretty good. Owen is reading like crazy and it is such a cool thing. Tyler is doing remarkable well in highschool. I was really worried because it is such a different environment and the courses are set up so different than they were in middle school. Aside from his science mark dropping because he'd missed an entire week prior to his exam he's doing really well. Emily loves everything about school and is involved in every extra-curricular activity available to her. Aarica is enjoying school - most days. She continues to be an emotional teen roller-coaster but has been more involved socially than ever before. She's been hanging out with some friends (including a boyfriend0 lately and went to her first party on halloween night and just hung out with friends, ate pizza, played video games and had a great time. She's growing up. If she'd only do it with a little less drama it would be a lot more enjoyable to watch.
Business wise we made it through the summer and were about to enjoy the slower pace of the winter season. We figured things were heading towards fantastic. We finally have reliable equipment and what older equipment we do have will be okay for the next little while so we can start saving up some money to replace it at our own pace. We were also looking at an expansion into another line of work and were beginning to look into means of funding such an expansion. Things were looking good. Then boom. The world came crashing in. Nothing has been made official yet and probably won't be for another week but unofficially it looks like we have lost one of our major contracts. After 12 years of holding this contract - for a job that we created - we've been given a huge kick in the teeth and we are almost certain the contract will be awarded to another contractor. The initial news of this hit us hard. Very hard. Our first reaction was 'what are we going to do now' and feeling like this was the end of the world. Now, after a lot of talking and soul searching we've collectively decided this might not be the end of the world....just quite possibly the end of our business. This contract ends December 31st and our one other contract is up at the end of March '09. In all likely-hood we will not be bidding on the 2nd contract at all and will just let the business slowly fade into the horizon. The new truck we just bought last year will have to be sold to pay out the lease we will no longer be able to afford and since the company also has a huge debt in the form of an operating overdraft at the bank, we will continue to run the business in a small way, doing side jobs and hauling scrap metal in for recycling in hopes we can generate enough money each month to put towards the huge operating overdraft that we've aquired over the years. In the mean time it looks like for the first time in almost 14 years Al and I will need to go out and find jobs working for someone else. BIG SCAREY CHANGES but in some ways they are good changes. We've both decided it might be nice to not have to worry about work 24/7 like we do now. No matter what happens - 2009 is shaping up to be a very different kind of year for us.
So the Craptastic vs Fantastic Ratio is a little out of whack these days. Way more crap than good stuff. But the good stuff sure does help make the bad days bearable. These kids make the bad days bearable.
They are all doing good in school, driving us nuts at home with their fighting and bickering but are still good kids. They are all enjoying bowling again this year. We've been to one tournament already this year (with Al and I both bowling too as the 'masters' in the tournament) and have another coming up in a few days. Emily and Owen are both dancing again too and their first performance of the season is coming up in a couple months. Owen's birthday was a few days ago (that get's it's own post) and everyone is looking forward to Christmas this year and we are going to try hard to keep the news of business from putting a sad note on the holiday spirit.
There are pros and cons to both but I guess since the past 5 months did exist and I can't erase them from my mind entirely and lets face it, what's happened happened and will continue to happen so I might as well face it and at least recap it.
July was.....so long ago. I'd posted a few tidbits and even published a post a few weeks ago that had been written in July. I'm trying to think back. I'm sure we had some high points and did some fun 'summer' things but really all I can think of is that we worked hard and it rained lots. My mom continued to battle the recurring pneumonia-like symptoms with some good weeks and bad weeks. Thankfully, she had a good week near the end of the month when these people came to visit.
My neice Tami and great neice Rowan spent a day here with my mom and except for the couple hours they spent in the ER after baby fell and smacked her teeth into the table, it was a great visit. Mom finally got to meet her Great Granddaughter. I took a couple 4 Generations pictures of Mom, William, Tami and Rowan with my brother's camera but I didn't think to take the picture again using the camera I had borrowed for the occasion...so until my brother gets around to sending me that photo you will just have to imagine it.
August long weekend we did the usual, traditional things. Spent a fortune on wrist bands and the kids rode the rides endlessly and since I'm still camera-less...no pics. I can't believe it. An Icelandic Festival without the traditional pictures to doccument it. It's not like I don't have dozens and dozens of pictures of the kids riding the same rides year after year but it's cool to compare the pictures from years past and see how much they've grown. We watched the parade Monday morning from Russel's front yard and had a BBQ lunch. A few of us walked down to the park after lunch and I splurged on henna tattoos for myself and the kids - well almost all the kids. Owen fell asleep in my arms so he didn't get one. That kid could sleep anywhere. My day at the park was cut short though by a call from my mom. Her good week had come to an end and she was having trouble breathing again. Back to the ER - again. She ended up having reactions to a few new drugs the dr gave her and by the end of that week I had practically moved in with her - not wanting her to spend much time on her own because she was so weak. Durring that time I bounced back and forth between her house and mine trying to keep up with groceries, laundry and dishes at both places and spending what time I could with my kids. A few days later I took her back to the hospital and finally, after 2 months and at least 8 trips to the ER she was admitted. There was a lot more to her problems than just pneumonia. That was just a symptom - a side effect of what was really going on. Before they could figure out what the real problem was though she became completely unstable and for about 12 hours I was really really worried. At one point on her 2nd day there, there was talk about transfering her to ICU in the city. Fortunately they were able to get her stableized. A small miracle. I found out weeks later that the doctor had been nervous about transfering her to the city because he didn't think she would survive the trip. Scarey!!!! In the end it turned out that the pneumonia she'd been battling was a side effect of her heart issues, which were being complicated by fluid build up in her body which was a result of her thyroid being out of wack. They adjusted her thyroid meds and in no time she was feeling a million times better. Unfortunately she ended up spending her 70th birthday in the hospital but we made the best of it and I brought in a cake and presents and the kids and Al and I set up a little party for her. I spent a lot of time bouncing back and forth between home and the hospital for 11 days and it was hard on my physically, emotionally and mentally but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. As long as I knew she was okay - I was okay. August really was a blur. Other than the whole hospital stay, I don't remember much. Somehow I managed to get the kids ready for school to start after the September long weekend.
Unfortunately things haven't been smooth sailing health wise with everyone else either. I ended up in mid august with a sinus infection and then just as mom was being discharged from the hospital I ended up with Strep. A couple kids have been on antibiotics for strep this fall as well and then there was the upper respiratory cough that just wouldn't go away and then when it does it comes back a few weeks later anyway. We've also gone a couple rounds of a stomache virus and had a bit of the ol' pink eye as a chaser. Fun stuff. The schools just aren't surprised anymore when I call to say one kid or another won't be there because they are sick again. By early November Owen had missed more than 3 weeks of school and Tyler wasn't far behind on his own statistics. I sure hope the new year brings much health to my entire family. Even with missing so much school though, everyone is doing pretty good. Owen is reading like crazy and it is such a cool thing. Tyler is doing remarkable well in highschool. I was really worried because it is such a different environment and the courses are set up so different than they were in middle school. Aside from his science mark dropping because he'd missed an entire week prior to his exam he's doing really well. Emily loves everything about school and is involved in every extra-curricular activity available to her. Aarica is enjoying school - most days. She continues to be an emotional teen roller-coaster but has been more involved socially than ever before. She's been hanging out with some friends (including a boyfriend0 lately and went to her first party on halloween night and just hung out with friends, ate pizza, played video games and had a great time. She's growing up. If she'd only do it with a little less drama it would be a lot more enjoyable to watch.
Business wise we made it through the summer and were about to enjoy the slower pace of the winter season. We figured things were heading towards fantastic. We finally have reliable equipment and what older equipment we do have will be okay for the next little while so we can start saving up some money to replace it at our own pace. We were also looking at an expansion into another line of work and were beginning to look into means of funding such an expansion. Things were looking good. Then boom. The world came crashing in. Nothing has been made official yet and probably won't be for another week but unofficially it looks like we have lost one of our major contracts. After 12 years of holding this contract - for a job that we created - we've been given a huge kick in the teeth and we are almost certain the contract will be awarded to another contractor. The initial news of this hit us hard. Very hard. Our first reaction was 'what are we going to do now' and feeling like this was the end of the world. Now, after a lot of talking and soul searching we've collectively decided this might not be the end of the world....just quite possibly the end of our business. This contract ends December 31st and our one other contract is up at the end of March '09. In all likely-hood we will not be bidding on the 2nd contract at all and will just let the business slowly fade into the horizon. The new truck we just bought last year will have to be sold to pay out the lease we will no longer be able to afford and since the company also has a huge debt in the form of an operating overdraft at the bank, we will continue to run the business in a small way, doing side jobs and hauling scrap metal in for recycling in hopes we can generate enough money each month to put towards the huge operating overdraft that we've aquired over the years. In the mean time it looks like for the first time in almost 14 years Al and I will need to go out and find jobs working for someone else. BIG SCAREY CHANGES but in some ways they are good changes. We've both decided it might be nice to not have to worry about work 24/7 like we do now. No matter what happens - 2009 is shaping up to be a very different kind of year for us.
So the Craptastic vs Fantastic Ratio is a little out of whack these days. Way more crap than good stuff. But the good stuff sure does help make the bad days bearable. These kids make the bad days bearable.
They are all doing good in school, driving us nuts at home with their fighting and bickering but are still good kids. They are all enjoying bowling again this year. We've been to one tournament already this year (with Al and I both bowling too as the 'masters' in the tournament) and have another coming up in a few days. Emily and Owen are both dancing again too and their first performance of the season is coming up in a couple months. Owen's birthday was a few days ago (that get's it's own post) and everyone is looking forward to Christmas this year and we are going to try hard to keep the news of business from putting a sad note on the holiday spirit.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
25th Anniversary of "The Gimli Glider"
It may have been 25 years ago and I may have only been 11 but I remember it like it was yesterday.....well I remember bits and pieces of it. There were many many of us there that day and each of us have different memories. Being 11 I didn't realize the history I was witnessing, didn't realize then what could have happened if it weren't for the crew of that flight.
I remember racing was over for the day and the loud sound of cars rounding corners and accelerating had faded away. Everyone was cleaning up from the day of racing - racers working on their cars or putting away tools used that day. BBQs were lit and meals made. Kids were free to roam now that the course was closed to racecars for the day.
I remember I was taking a friends dog for a walk and was behind the old concession stand (which is no longer there) and as I stepped out from behind it there was the plane - coming through the sky towards us almost silently except for the whoosh of the air as it sliced though it.
I don't know why but I remember how quiet it was and then how loud it was as the plane touched down and the front of the plane fell ontop of the guardrail and slid along it.
I remember people yelling and running - not away from the plane but towards it, many with fire extinguishers in their hands.
I remember smoke and I remember people using fire extinguishers where the nose of the plane met pavement.
and I remember the yellow emergency exit slides ..... I will always remember those yellow slides probably because a) for the remainder of the weekend the plane sat just south of the racetrack with those yellow slides sticking out it's sides and b) almost every photo I've ever seen has been one with the yellow slides. It's an image that is etched in my mind and I will never ever forget.
Something else I will never forget is that after everything was over the co-pilot Maurice Quintal sat in our camper trailer and had a cup of coffee. An odd memory considering I don't remember anything else that happened after the passengers and crew were safely off the plane. I have no memories of police, fire or ambulance crews in attendance. I can't tell you where the passengers went afterwards or how they got there but I absolutely remember the co-pilot having coffee in our camper.
So today was the 25th anniversary. I didn't know, at age 11, the history I'd witnessed but I sure understand it now and I'm so glad I was able to attend the celebration today. It was wonderful to see some old friends from the car club that I hadn't seen in years and to listen to the speeches and stories told by different people about that day but for me, the highlight was meeting Maurice Quintal out on the dock - and having my picture taken with him. I was with one of the fellows from the car club and we introduced ourselves as having been there that day and he proceeds to tell us a story of one of his own memories from that day. He said he thinks about one woman often. She came up to him after everything had settled down that day and asked him if he would like a cup of coffee. I was floored. "That was my mother" I told him. Even now I can't believe he remembers my mother inviting him back to the camper and making him a cup of coffee. It's funny how this man whom I've wanted to meet again for so many many years also remembers one of the few solid memories I have of that day.
Over the years I've read newspaper articles and watched news reports about that day and that plane. Awhile back I discovered that there are people that actually 'stalked' the plane with fin # 604 nicknamed the Gimli Glider and tracked its whereabouts posting messages that the plane was spotted at such and such a gate and whatever airport it happened to be at. She had quite a fan club. I watched with a tear in my eye the news footage of the Gimli Gliders final flight to the desert in California, wishing like so many people that she could have come back to Gimli as her final resting place. I've also at times reflected on how much larger this piece of history could have been had it not been for the sheer determination of the pilot to stop that plane when he did...... a few hundred feet from dozens of motorhomes & campers with propane tanks, and dozens of racecars full of fuel and numerous spectators enjoying a quiet Family Weekend of camping and racing. The what-ifs are too scarey to think about.
I remember racing was over for the day and the loud sound of cars rounding corners and accelerating had faded away. Everyone was cleaning up from the day of racing - racers working on their cars or putting away tools used that day. BBQs were lit and meals made. Kids were free to roam now that the course was closed to racecars for the day.
I remember I was taking a friends dog for a walk and was behind the old concession stand (which is no longer there) and as I stepped out from behind it there was the plane - coming through the sky towards us almost silently except for the whoosh of the air as it sliced though it.
I don't know why but I remember how quiet it was and then how loud it was as the plane touched down and the front of the plane fell ontop of the guardrail and slid along it.
I remember people yelling and running - not away from the plane but towards it, many with fire extinguishers in their hands.
I remember smoke and I remember people using fire extinguishers where the nose of the plane met pavement.
and I remember the yellow emergency exit slides ..... I will always remember those yellow slides probably because a) for the remainder of the weekend the plane sat just south of the racetrack with those yellow slides sticking out it's sides and b) almost every photo I've ever seen has been one with the yellow slides. It's an image that is etched in my mind and I will never ever forget.
Something else I will never forget is that after everything was over the co-pilot Maurice Quintal sat in our camper trailer and had a cup of coffee. An odd memory considering I don't remember anything else that happened after the passengers and crew were safely off the plane. I have no memories of police, fire or ambulance crews in attendance. I can't tell you where the passengers went afterwards or how they got there but I absolutely remember the co-pilot having coffee in our camper.
So today was the 25th anniversary. I didn't know, at age 11, the history I'd witnessed but I sure understand it now and I'm so glad I was able to attend the celebration today. It was wonderful to see some old friends from the car club that I hadn't seen in years and to listen to the speeches and stories told by different people about that day but for me, the highlight was meeting Maurice Quintal out on the dock - and having my picture taken with him. I was with one of the fellows from the car club and we introduced ourselves as having been there that day and he proceeds to tell us a story of one of his own memories from that day. He said he thinks about one woman often. She came up to him after everything had settled down that day and asked him if he would like a cup of coffee. I was floored. "That was my mother" I told him. Even now I can't believe he remembers my mother inviting him back to the camper and making him a cup of coffee. It's funny how this man whom I've wanted to meet again for so many many years also remembers one of the few solid memories I have of that day.
Over the years I've read newspaper articles and watched news reports about that day and that plane. Awhile back I discovered that there are people that actually 'stalked' the plane with fin # 604 nicknamed the Gimli Glider and tracked its whereabouts posting messages that the plane was spotted at such and such a gate and whatever airport it happened to be at. She had quite a fan club. I watched with a tear in my eye the news footage of the Gimli Gliders final flight to the desert in California, wishing like so many people that she could have come back to Gimli as her final resting place. I've also at times reflected on how much larger this piece of history could have been had it not been for the sheer determination of the pilot to stop that plane when he did...... a few hundred feet from dozens of motorhomes & campers with propane tanks, and dozens of racecars full of fuel and numerous spectators enjoying a quiet Family Weekend of camping and racing. The what-ifs are too scarey to think about.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Look Look Look --- some CREATIVITY!
well actually you can't "look" since this post has been sitting in draft mode for the past 3.5 months and I never did get the pages scanned and stitched and uploaded but I'm publishing the post anyway to prove (if to no one but myself) that I actually scrap occasionally.
I hosted my monthly all day crop on Saturday and actually completed some projects --- a card and 3.5 layouts of my super cute Great Neice/Neice. The layouts are for my mom's album (because I really wanted to scrap cutie baby pics and forgot my envelope of pics at home so I grabbed my mom's envelope when I stopped by there to check on her that morning)
the pages turned out way to beautiful. One is framed and hanging on the wall of my mom's living room and the double page layout is in her album (well actually it's still sitting on her dining room table but whatever) and the .5 one....still not done. It wasn't 'working' for me and I set it aside. I'll post em when I get the chance....which probably means - never.
I hosted my monthly all day crop on Saturday and actually completed some projects --- a card and 3.5 layouts of my super cute Great Neice/Neice. The layouts are for my mom's album (because I really wanted to scrap cutie baby pics and forgot my envelope of pics at home so I grabbed my mom's envelope when I stopped by there to check on her that morning)
the pages turned out way to beautiful. One is framed and hanging on the wall of my mom's living room and the double page layout is in her album (well actually it's still sitting on her dining room table but whatever) and the .5 one....still not done. It wasn't 'working' for me and I set it aside. I'll post em when I get the chance....which probably means - never.
EDIT~ Here's the link to my 'other blog' - one specifically for my scrapbooking where I just posted one of these layouts. http://kirstensscraproom.blogspot.com/2008/12/new-blog-for-me.html
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
a love/hate relationship...heavy on the latter
Recently Sue at navel gazing at it's finest wrote a letter and it got me thinking......if I could write a letter like that who would I write it to. Instantly I knew who was getting a letter from me and while it will in no way be as side- splittingly funny as Sue's letter (did you go read it? you should - it's really funny) here is my letter:
Dear Old House
Don't get me wrong Old House, this isn't hate mail and I don't want you to feel threatened by it but I have some things to get off my chest. Maybe we will get along better after I've said my peace.
I know you have been stoiclly withstanding the ravages of time and weather and have provided shelter and a home for 4 generations of this family but honestly - you can't not know that you are making me crazy. I'm sure you've heard me rant on more than one occassion about your lack of closet space - or any closets for that matter and your floorplan is just plain crazy. Talk about wasted potential. And dont' think it's just me thinking this way. I've spoken with the former Lady of the House and she'll back me up on this. You should hear her opinions about your kitchen design. It would make your windows crack...or maybe you've heard the stories? Your original hardwood flooring and I have huge issues and we wont even go into that new(ish) laminate stuff they put in your kitchen a half dozen years ago that's just entirely sad. The sagging and sloping floors are just a plain joke. Really. They are a joke. Can't you hear us all laughing at you when someone spills a drink on the floor and it rolls out of the kitchen faster than anyone can get a cloth to soak it up with? Do you think the mop has a permanent spot in the doorway just for asthetic purposes? No, it's to trap the water when the stupid dog tries to carry his water bowl through the house. No matter where he spills it......the water eventually ends up in that one spot as if by magic. This just cannot be right.
Oh and speaking of water. Oh boy do we need to talk about water. What is with you and water. I'm fairly certain that when it rains outside your main purpose is to keep the rain out. Why oh why do you insist on letting it in? Do you not realize that it is not supposed to rain INSIDE and especially in areas where important things are kept like my computer and my scrapbooking stuff. I'm tired of relocating these things to accomodate you. Seriously what is up with the whole water leak thing?
Shingles you say?
Ya - as if anyone in their right mind will climb onto that ski-jump you call a roof. Many a man has been struck speechless when I suggest they climb up there and give you a much needed facelift - and these are professionals OldHouse. Not just any joe-shmoe I'm trying to buy off with a 24 of Bud and a couple pizzas - those guys just laugh hysterically and think I'm JOKING and then drink my beer anyway!
I know in my heart this isn't all your fault. You are in serious need of some TLC but I don't honestly think Ty and the crew from Extreme Home Makeover will be waking us with bullhorns in this lifetime so could you cut me some slack? OilOfOlay doesn't make vats of Age-Denying formula big enough to tackle some of the cracks and wrinkles you've got going on. That new one by the bathroom (which we will not even discuss because the subject makes me ill) door - where did that come from? I just spotted it last night and almost had heart failure. What are you doing to me? I'm going to need to colour the grey out of my hair next week if you keep this up.
I'm seriously trying so hard not to be jealous of those new condos we've been working at the past month but you are making it very very hard not to be. I mean you should see their closet space and the floorplan just melts my heart and Al - OMG he has fallen in love with the height of the basement in them and can you blame him? Remember that time he was working down in your basement and he broke not one but three lightbulbs in one afternoon by walking into them? Sure we got a good chuckle out of that but that time he hit his head coming up the stairs and he almost blacked out - that was so NOT funny.
You know what else isn't funny?
Your smells. Funky yes but I'm not seeing the humor. Do you have a pet hampster around here that I'm not aware of? OH and if you do - don't tell Em or she will be ticked that you got one before she did. I'm seriously considering letting her get one just so it's cage can mask the odour you have going on these days. And again we will not discuss the bathroom and it's variety-show of smells when anyone has a shower or at various other random times for that matter.
I hate to bring up the front room - aka 'the addition' ,which I know is not technically your responsibility since it isn't really part of YOU but a little help in getting along with that room and not adding to the tension between us would be much appreciated. I'd like to be rid of the offending room myself but that decision seems to be in limbo so we will just have to live with it - at least for a little while longer.
So here's the thing. We know you need some help. A 12-step program of recovery maybe...the lottery would be helpful too but that's likely to bring about bulldozers faster than you would care to think about. The menfolk are absolutely against such action as they have a soft spot for you but in case your math isn't up to snuff the womenfolk outnumber the men and you don't want to know which way we would vote if it came right down to it.
We are willing to help you in any way we can but could you please OldHouse, please give us a break and give the whole aging gracefully thing a try for a bit. We really do appreciate you and you hold so many memories within your poorly insulated and slightly leaning walls. You've seen one man grow from a boy to a grandfather over the past 60+ years and helped him raise his 5 children and I'd love for you to be around to watch our 4 children and their cousins (his grandchildren) grow up too. Just think about it OldHouse.
Sincerely
Your Family
Dear Old House
Don't get me wrong Old House, this isn't hate mail and I don't want you to feel threatened by it but I have some things to get off my chest. Maybe we will get along better after I've said my peace.
I know you have been stoiclly withstanding the ravages of time and weather and have provided shelter and a home for 4 generations of this family but honestly - you can't not know that you are making me crazy. I'm sure you've heard me rant on more than one occassion about your lack of closet space - or any closets for that matter and your floorplan is just plain crazy. Talk about wasted potential. And dont' think it's just me thinking this way. I've spoken with the former Lady of the House and she'll back me up on this. You should hear her opinions about your kitchen design. It would make your windows crack...or maybe you've heard the stories? Your original hardwood flooring and I have huge issues and we wont even go into that new(ish) laminate stuff they put in your kitchen a half dozen years ago that's just entirely sad. The sagging and sloping floors are just a plain joke. Really. They are a joke. Can't you hear us all laughing at you when someone spills a drink on the floor and it rolls out of the kitchen faster than anyone can get a cloth to soak it up with? Do you think the mop has a permanent spot in the doorway just for asthetic purposes? No, it's to trap the water when the stupid dog tries to carry his water bowl through the house. No matter where he spills it......the water eventually ends up in that one spot as if by magic. This just cannot be right.
Oh and speaking of water. Oh boy do we need to talk about water. What is with you and water. I'm fairly certain that when it rains outside your main purpose is to keep the rain out. Why oh why do you insist on letting it in? Do you not realize that it is not supposed to rain INSIDE and especially in areas where important things are kept like my computer and my scrapbooking stuff. I'm tired of relocating these things to accomodate you. Seriously what is up with the whole water leak thing?
Shingles you say?
Ya - as if anyone in their right mind will climb onto that ski-jump you call a roof. Many a man has been struck speechless when I suggest they climb up there and give you a much needed facelift - and these are professionals OldHouse. Not just any joe-shmoe I'm trying to buy off with a 24 of Bud and a couple pizzas - those guys just laugh hysterically and think I'm JOKING and then drink my beer anyway!
I know in my heart this isn't all your fault. You are in serious need of some TLC but I don't honestly think Ty and the crew from Extreme Home Makeover will be waking us with bullhorns in this lifetime so could you cut me some slack? OilOfOlay doesn't make vats of Age-Denying formula big enough to tackle some of the cracks and wrinkles you've got going on. That new one by the bathroom (which we will not even discuss because the subject makes me ill) door - where did that come from? I just spotted it last night and almost had heart failure. What are you doing to me? I'm going to need to colour the grey out of my hair next week if you keep this up.
I'm seriously trying so hard not to be jealous of those new condos we've been working at the past month but you are making it very very hard not to be. I mean you should see their closet space and the floorplan just melts my heart and Al - OMG he has fallen in love with the height of the basement in them and can you blame him? Remember that time he was working down in your basement and he broke not one but three lightbulbs in one afternoon by walking into them? Sure we got a good chuckle out of that but that time he hit his head coming up the stairs and he almost blacked out - that was so NOT funny.
You know what else isn't funny?
Your smells. Funky yes but I'm not seeing the humor. Do you have a pet hampster around here that I'm not aware of? OH and if you do - don't tell Em or she will be ticked that you got one before she did. I'm seriously considering letting her get one just so it's cage can mask the odour you have going on these days. And again we will not discuss the bathroom and it's variety-show of smells when anyone has a shower or at various other random times for that matter.
I hate to bring up the front room - aka 'the addition' ,which I know is not technically your responsibility since it isn't really part of YOU but a little help in getting along with that room and not adding to the tension between us would be much appreciated. I'd like to be rid of the offending room myself but that decision seems to be in limbo so we will just have to live with it - at least for a little while longer.
So here's the thing. We know you need some help. A 12-step program of recovery maybe...the lottery would be helpful too but that's likely to bring about bulldozers faster than you would care to think about. The menfolk are absolutely against such action as they have a soft spot for you but in case your math isn't up to snuff the womenfolk outnumber the men and you don't want to know which way we would vote if it came right down to it.
We are willing to help you in any way we can but could you please OldHouse, please give us a break and give the whole aging gracefully thing a try for a bit. We really do appreciate you and you hold so many memories within your poorly insulated and slightly leaning walls. You've seen one man grow from a boy to a grandfather over the past 60+ years and helped him raise his 5 children and I'd love for you to be around to watch our 4 children and their cousins (his grandchildren) grow up too. Just think about it OldHouse.
Sincerely
Your Family
Anyone have a sharp pencil I could borrow?
Shopping with children is always quite the experience as Dawn over at Because I Said So can definitely attest to (that blog post of hers is what first led me to her blog....it's way too funny and I think it sort of changed her life in ways she could never have imagined...or was that a baseball? I don't remember but she's ever so funny). Thankfully I only have four children and rarely do I subject myself to such torture as to take all four of them with me. Of course shopping here in this small town where you know everyone (translation...my kids know everyone and I'm just along for the ride) has it's own challeges since you can't shop without bumping into someone you know. It never fails that you stop and catch up with at least one person if not more so a quick trip to pick up a few things can easily take a lot longer than necessary. The children also tend to disappear to visit with friends (or store staff) so I feel like I'm forever looking for one of the children rather than for the groceries on my list. Also being a small town, the store is usually not too busy so the kids are used to empty aisles that you can run and slide down or basically act like a bucket full of SuperBouncyBalls dropped on the floor. Generally they are well behaved - manically busy but well behaved and in small numbers they can be even helpful - if you count blowing my grocery budget all to he**, helpful.
One recent rainy Saturday morning (which narrows it down precious little because there have been many many rainy days lately) I had the youngest two lil darlings with me running errands and we ended up at the grocery store. Let's reflect a little on this. Grocery shopping......... with the two youngest....on a Saturday.....in the summer.....in a resort town that triples in population in the summer....especially on the weekend (rainy or not) .....WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING???? So many people....so little space....so little space to bounce around in. It was FUNNER than FUN baby!!!
Anyway, my kids were trying to be their bouncy ol selves in the lack of space and I was well....I was slowly loosing my mind. I was looking for the items on my mom's shopping list and while I personally know better than to need to shop for myself on weekends in the summer, since I was there anyway I picked up a few (ahem a cart full) things for myself too. I was also trying keeping up with the endless stream of chatter coming from my kids which was making me wish I had a sharp pencil in my purse that I could use to stab in my ears to stop the endless noise.
I've noticed that when shopping you tend to pass by the same people aisle after aisle and one of the people we kept meeting up with was a friend of mine and we would chat as we shopped in the same aisle then move on and then chat as we met in the next. She of course thinks my kids are darn cute and funny (which they are) and the more times we met up with her the goofier they got - an audience will do that to them. We also attracted the attention of a small group of shoppers (did you know - Tourists seem to shop in small groups) with our endless banter back and forth, particularly three young 20-something guys (gasp....I consider 20-something YOUNG!) who I'd heard chuckling more than once over something the kids & I were talking about.
At one point, while multi-tasking and trying to find some unknown product on my mom's list and at the same time yanking a bouncing child for the 5th time out of the middle of an aisle so they wouldn't get run over by a passing cart I used my MOMMY voice (complete with bulging eyes for visual effect) and spewed forth request to " Stop bouncing around and touching stuff and stay by the darn cart before you get run over.....and for the love of God stop talking for 2 minutes so I can think! " ....just as the three young TouristGuys turned the corner. One of them stops and asks me I could tell his two buddies the same thing and his buddies both crack up laughing and start pushing and shoving each other.
An aisle later we meet up with my friend again as well as a friend of hers and also the kids' school principal (who apparently has no effect on children outside of school lol) and as the children are hamming it up the three TouristGuys pass by and stop to watch - thereby increasing the size of their audience. After a few minutes of watching the circus sideshow in the dairy section of the grocery store one of the TouristGuy's says "We don't need to go rent a movie - We can just stay here and watch the entertainment" OYE!!!!
Shortly after that I herded the sideshow off to quickly finish up the last remaining aisles of the store and as we are heading to the checkouts we pass by a sample cart ---- frozen yogert or icecream. What? You want to give my children SUGAR? What do I look like - an idiot? But wait.....food. Keeps their mouths busy. DingDingDing! We have a winner of an idea here!!! Two samples of icecream = an amazingly silent trip through checkout (where they did not ask for a chocolate bar/gum/candy) and the groceries loaded in the van and them buckled in and out of the parkinglot before they spoke again. Whew. I didn't have to dig around in the glovebox for a sharp pencil afterall.
One recent rainy Saturday morning (which narrows it down precious little because there have been many many rainy days lately) I had the youngest two lil darlings with me running errands and we ended up at the grocery store. Let's reflect a little on this. Grocery shopping......... with the two youngest....on a Saturday.....in the summer.....in a resort town that triples in population in the summer....especially on the weekend (rainy or not) .....WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING???? So many people....so little space....so little space to bounce around in. It was FUNNER than FUN baby!!!
Anyway, my kids were trying to be their bouncy ol selves in the lack of space and I was well....I was slowly loosing my mind. I was looking for the items on my mom's shopping list and while I personally know better than to need to shop for myself on weekends in the summer, since I was there anyway I picked up a few (ahem a cart full) things for myself too. I was also trying keeping up with the endless stream of chatter coming from my kids which was making me wish I had a sharp pencil in my purse that I could use to stab in my ears to stop the endless noise.
I've noticed that when shopping you tend to pass by the same people aisle after aisle and one of the people we kept meeting up with was a friend of mine and we would chat as we shopped in the same aisle then move on and then chat as we met in the next. She of course thinks my kids are darn cute and funny (which they are) and the more times we met up with her the goofier they got - an audience will do that to them. We also attracted the attention of a small group of shoppers (did you know - Tourists seem to shop in small groups) with our endless banter back and forth, particularly three young 20-something guys (gasp....I consider 20-something YOUNG!) who I'd heard chuckling more than once over something the kids & I were talking about.
At one point, while multi-tasking and trying to find some unknown product on my mom's list and at the same time yanking a bouncing child for the 5th time out of the middle of an aisle so they wouldn't get run over by a passing cart I used my MOMMY voice (complete with bulging eyes for visual effect) and spewed forth request to " Stop bouncing around and touching stuff and stay by the darn cart before you get run over.....and for the love of God stop talking for 2 minutes so I can think! " ....just as the three young TouristGuys turned the corner. One of them stops and asks me I could tell his two buddies the same thing and his buddies both crack up laughing and start pushing and shoving each other.
An aisle later we meet up with my friend again as well as a friend of hers and also the kids' school principal (who apparently has no effect on children outside of school lol) and as the children are hamming it up the three TouristGuys pass by and stop to watch - thereby increasing the size of their audience. After a few minutes of watching the circus sideshow in the dairy section of the grocery store one of the TouristGuy's says "We don't need to go rent a movie - We can just stay here and watch the entertainment" OYE!!!!
Shortly after that I herded the sideshow off to quickly finish up the last remaining aisles of the store and as we are heading to the checkouts we pass by a sample cart ---- frozen yogert or icecream. What? You want to give my children SUGAR? What do I look like - an idiot? But wait.....food. Keeps their mouths busy. DingDingDing! We have a winner of an idea here!!! Two samples of icecream = an amazingly silent trip through checkout (where they did not ask for a chocolate bar/gum/candy) and the groceries loaded in the van and them buckled in and out of the parkinglot before they spoke again. Whew. I didn't have to dig around in the glovebox for a sharp pencil afterall.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
lost and found
The kids were watching the movie Madeline the other day and there is a line from it where the school teacher/nun has a feeling and she says "Something is not right".
I had that feeling today. It was weird. It was almost 3:00 and I was sorting mail when suddenly I got all anxious...... and it wasn't from the stack of bills before me. I felt like something was missing. That I'd lost something or forgot I was supposed to be somewhere. What? What could I have lost or forgotten about?
My Son! I suddenly realized he wasn't here and for a split second I felt a wave of panic.
Kind of silly really. He's not lost. He's not missing. He's away at camp. He left yesterday and it's not like this was the first time I'd thought about him. Believe me - when your built-in-babysitter is suddenly gone for a week you notice. I thought about him a lot yesterday. Wondering if he was having fun, what he was doing, if he was homesick and missed us, but suddenly today I felt like a part of me was missing and I missed him, missed his presence around here. He's only been gone a day and a half but I miss him. Not missing the extra noise he creates. It's amazing how much quieter the house is with only 3 kids in it - any 3. It's not just him...when any one of them isn't here the noise level goes down a notch or 6 or 8. His particular noise isn't missed cuz he tends to stir up the little ones and make them whine but the house is definately lacking his presence and his personality today. Hope he's having fun and I can't wait to hear all about camp when he gets home.
Monday, July 14, 2008
and the conversation went like this........
The following conversation occured immediately following Al teasing Em that no boys would ever date her cuz her butt is big and hairy like a gorilla or something like that (to be honest...I wasn't paying much attention since I try darn hard to block out the endless chatter and noise in the house lately) They banter back and forth constantly.....it's like.....oh.....I don't know.....having FIVE kids in the house. The two of them are so funny though - she totally (at age 8) gets his sense of humor and is one sarcastic little thing and even from the time she could talk....a way way way long time ago.....she's always had perfect (and i do mean perfect) comedic timing and the sharpest comebacks ever!
Me: Al, It's comments like that, that will turn her into a teenager with an eating disorder and a severe self-confidence problem
Al: She knows I'm only kidding around with her. Emily....right? You know we are only joking around right?
Emily: Ya Ya. Say your prayers mister cuz I'll get you one day.
Where does she come up with this stuff? Does she have a writer on staff that I don't know about?
Me: Al, It's comments like that, that will turn her into a teenager with an eating disorder and a severe self-confidence problem
Al: She knows I'm only kidding around with her. Emily....right? You know we are only joking around right?
Emily: Ya Ya. Say your prayers mister cuz I'll get you one day.
Where does she come up with this stuff? Does she have a writer on staff that I don't know about?
Friday, July 11, 2008
The one where I wimper slightly and then sigh heavily
Ya know that job.
The one that's come up two or three times in as many years. The one I've been wanting for ages. The one I finally got up the nerve to apply for (actually...the secretary called me the day applications closed and said - are you NOT applying for this job??? and then she insisted that I get my application emailed in before 9am two days later - since it was a holiday the following day nobody would be looking at them till Wednesday morning....so get busy and get it in because I have a good chance of getting it!) It's the job I got a call about last Thursday and interviewed for last Friday. The interview went pretty well and I got to play with the coolest software package and create a poster with. I was told I'd hear about the position early this week. Everytime the phone rang I jumped....AND answered it - throwing caution to the wind and taking my chances that it would be a stupid telemarketer just calling to annoy me. By Thursday I'd all but forgot about incoming calls and who might be on the line since the phone rang off the dang hook all day - customer after customer booking jobs etc and then the voice on the line said the words I'd been waiting for. It was a call about the job. The job I did not get. *wimper*
I've been so nervous about this whole job thing. Do I seriously have time for it? Don't I have enough on my plate as it is? I wasn't sure of the answers to either of those quiestions but I so wanted this job. Not just because the job itself is so "me" but also because I wanted so much to have something for me - that has nothing to do with my home/family/businesses and just work for someone else for a change and this part-time job fit that perfectly. I was scared that I wouldn't get it but also terrified that I would. I'm disapointed....but not too disapointed - if that makes any sense. *sigh* a sigh of disapointment. *sigh* a sigh of relief.
I was told, both on the phone as well as in a very nice letter that the decision was very very difficult and that my application would be kept on file for a few months and that the job comes available quite frequently (being a term position and all) and they hope I apply again since they were very impressed with me. So while I didn't get the job, I don't feel like a total loser and maybe one day I'll get this job afterall and maybe that will be when the timing is better and my plate isn't quite so full (a girl can dream).
The one that's come up two or three times in as many years. The one I've been wanting for ages. The one I finally got up the nerve to apply for (actually...the secretary called me the day applications closed and said - are you NOT applying for this job??? and then she insisted that I get my application emailed in before 9am two days later - since it was a holiday the following day nobody would be looking at them till Wednesday morning....so get busy and get it in because I have a good chance of getting it!) It's the job I got a call about last Thursday and interviewed for last Friday. The interview went pretty well and I got to play with the coolest software package and create a poster with. I was told I'd hear about the position early this week. Everytime the phone rang I jumped....AND answered it - throwing caution to the wind and taking my chances that it would be a stupid telemarketer just calling to annoy me. By Thursday I'd all but forgot about incoming calls and who might be on the line since the phone rang off the dang hook all day - customer after customer booking jobs etc and then the voice on the line said the words I'd been waiting for. It was a call about the job. The job I did not get. *wimper*
I've been so nervous about this whole job thing. Do I seriously have time for it? Don't I have enough on my plate as it is? I wasn't sure of the answers to either of those quiestions but I so wanted this job. Not just because the job itself is so "me" but also because I wanted so much to have something for me - that has nothing to do with my home/family/businesses and just work for someone else for a change and this part-time job fit that perfectly. I was scared that I wouldn't get it but also terrified that I would. I'm disapointed....but not too disapointed - if that makes any sense. *sigh* a sigh of disapointment. *sigh* a sigh of relief.
I was told, both on the phone as well as in a very nice letter that the decision was very very difficult and that my application would be kept on file for a few months and that the job comes available quite frequently (being a term position and all) and they hope I apply again since they were very impressed with me. So while I didn't get the job, I don't feel like a total loser and maybe one day I'll get this job afterall and maybe that will be when the timing is better and my plate isn't quite so full (a girl can dream).
Thursday, July 10, 2008
A bottle of tiny little red "magic beans"
Jack's magic beans grew a beanstock up into the sky. Our magic beans might just grow a beanstock between our daughter and the rest of the world. Let the magic begin....and please let it work!!!!!
I couldnt' take it anymore. None of us could. This living with a tornado of emotions, whirling, twisting, building up steam and then slamming us to the ground - metaphorically speaking.
Last week was amazingly hard. The tension was incredible. The frusteration levels high.
Then I got a call from Gerry - my knight in funny, sarcastic, phychologist armour on Monday. How are things going he asks? They suck! Sucksucksucksuck. Things suck! We talked about what's been going on. The volitility, the scattered-ness, the mood swings and lashing out. Why is it so different than last summer? She's working with us again but this year it's harder. Why? Is she different and why? Could it be that puberty has hit full on and that's what's making things harder for her...and us? Could it be that because school was a less structured invironment that she's simply become less in control of her emotions as a result? Could it be we are just burnt out and have less patience and a more jaded view of what's going on and she's really just the same as she's always been but we aren't? Who really knows but I think it's a combination of all three. No matter what - I can't take it anymore. I'm done.
The conversation continued:
Have we started the meds? NO
What happened with doctor situation? Nothing - everyone's on holidays or leaving and I feel like we are in limbo. Do we wait till the new doc has taken over and we start from square one with him and get pre-med baselines done or wait till this other doc is back from holidays and hope he will take her as a patient? Limbo.
After talking with Gerry we decided that maybe, since things are so frusteratinly chaotic right now, that waiting might not be a good option. We both want to get her on these meds asap so we have a good idea of it's effects before school starts back up - plus it would be nice to have an enjoyable summer vacation instead of a tense one. So it was decided - that if her doctor wasn't concerned about getting a baseline before hand, we would just trust that he felt it wasn't necessary (i personally vote for the he doesn't have a clue theory but i didn't tell Gerry that) and on Tuesday I did my own baseline testing. I borrowed a blood-sugar testing kit and did two tests to get an average norm for her and had her bloodpressue tested using the machine at the pharmacy, and bought a scale (i've NEVER owned one - ever) and got a starting weight and I filled the prescription. Tuesday night at 9:30pm she started her meds.
And what was Wednesday like? Well.... I personally barely saw her at all Wednesday since she'd gone to work with Al first thing in the morning but from what he reported - she's still A....but the old A - happy and bubbly and goofy and giddy and full of energy but in a much less scattered way. He could talk to her, give her instruction and she followed through with what he said. No snarking and snarling and snipping and complaining about every little inconsequential thing...which had been becoming her 'norm' lately. The true test came late in the afternoon once everyone was all at home. While she's still irritated that the siblings dare to be in her presence and she has to share a house with them, any time she spoke to them it was with much less drama and meanness. It's really hard to explain. It's like she's still irritated by them but is able to control the lashing out to some extent and when I spoke to her about one particular incident she actually listened and calmed down. There was no over-reaction. Wow! How cool.
I'm thinking this med might just be the hope we needed. It's not a big cure but if it helps her think more clearly maybe then things like behaviour mod. techniques and consequences and rewards systems might actually have some effect now...up until this point they never seemed to be very effective and quite a waste of energy. So - this might be the calm after the storm and the next step will be to do a bit of clean up, trying some techniques and such to set things back on track. I'm just afraid that I've been battling the storm for so long now that I don't have the patience, that I'm too jaded and cynical to really put the needed energy into the next stage. What if I'm too angry and too easily irritated after all this time that I can't focus and get organized and do my part in making things better.
I'm also trying to ignore comments like 'oh she's high - just look into her eyes' like it's a bad thing. I'm not medicating her to keep her high and fuzzy and out of touch with reality. The way I understand things is that she her brain is overprocessing absolutely every single detail of every single thing going on around her and can't filter out what's inconsequential and what's important. She over reacts to every slight thing because it's overwhelming. The purpose of this med is to give her brain "sunglasses" so that it can filter out all the information around her and so she can properly experience reality. At least that's my view on it and if other people want to say....oh we are just making her high so she's easier to control - whatever.
I couldnt' take it anymore. None of us could. This living with a tornado of emotions, whirling, twisting, building up steam and then slamming us to the ground - metaphorically speaking.
Last week was amazingly hard. The tension was incredible. The frusteration levels high.
Then I got a call from Gerry - my knight in funny, sarcastic, phychologist armour on Monday. How are things going he asks? They suck! Sucksucksucksuck. Things suck! We talked about what's been going on. The volitility, the scattered-ness, the mood swings and lashing out. Why is it so different than last summer? She's working with us again but this year it's harder. Why? Is she different and why? Could it be that puberty has hit full on and that's what's making things harder for her...and us? Could it be that because school was a less structured invironment that she's simply become less in control of her emotions as a result? Could it be we are just burnt out and have less patience and a more jaded view of what's going on and she's really just the same as she's always been but we aren't? Who really knows but I think it's a combination of all three. No matter what - I can't take it anymore. I'm done.
The conversation continued:
Have we started the meds? NO
What happened with doctor situation? Nothing - everyone's on holidays or leaving and I feel like we are in limbo. Do we wait till the new doc has taken over and we start from square one with him and get pre-med baselines done or wait till this other doc is back from holidays and hope he will take her as a patient? Limbo.
After talking with Gerry we decided that maybe, since things are so frusteratinly chaotic right now, that waiting might not be a good option. We both want to get her on these meds asap so we have a good idea of it's effects before school starts back up - plus it would be nice to have an enjoyable summer vacation instead of a tense one. So it was decided - that if her doctor wasn't concerned about getting a baseline before hand, we would just trust that he felt it wasn't necessary (i personally vote for the he doesn't have a clue theory but i didn't tell Gerry that) and on Tuesday I did my own baseline testing. I borrowed a blood-sugar testing kit and did two tests to get an average norm for her and had her bloodpressue tested using the machine at the pharmacy, and bought a scale (i've NEVER owned one - ever) and got a starting weight and I filled the prescription. Tuesday night at 9:30pm she started her meds.
And what was Wednesday like? Well.... I personally barely saw her at all Wednesday since she'd gone to work with Al first thing in the morning but from what he reported - she's still A....but the old A - happy and bubbly and goofy and giddy and full of energy but in a much less scattered way. He could talk to her, give her instruction and she followed through with what he said. No snarking and snarling and snipping and complaining about every little inconsequential thing...which had been becoming her 'norm' lately. The true test came late in the afternoon once everyone was all at home. While she's still irritated that the siblings dare to be in her presence and she has to share a house with them, any time she spoke to them it was with much less drama and meanness. It's really hard to explain. It's like she's still irritated by them but is able to control the lashing out to some extent and when I spoke to her about one particular incident she actually listened and calmed down. There was no over-reaction. Wow! How cool.
I'm thinking this med might just be the hope we needed. It's not a big cure but if it helps her think more clearly maybe then things like behaviour mod. techniques and consequences and rewards systems might actually have some effect now...up until this point they never seemed to be very effective and quite a waste of energy. So - this might be the calm after the storm and the next step will be to do a bit of clean up, trying some techniques and such to set things back on track. I'm just afraid that I've been battling the storm for so long now that I don't have the patience, that I'm too jaded and cynical to really put the needed energy into the next stage. What if I'm too angry and too easily irritated after all this time that I can't focus and get organized and do my part in making things better.
I'm also trying to ignore comments like 'oh she's high - just look into her eyes' like it's a bad thing. I'm not medicating her to keep her high and fuzzy and out of touch with reality. The way I understand things is that she her brain is overprocessing absolutely every single detail of every single thing going on around her and can't filter out what's inconsequential and what's important. She over reacts to every slight thing because it's overwhelming. The purpose of this med is to give her brain "sunglasses" so that it can filter out all the information around her and so she can properly experience reality. At least that's my view on it and if other people want to say....oh we are just making her high so she's easier to control - whatever.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
okay okay....i'll update my blog.
Recent conversation with my bestest friend:
K: "So, what's new? Haven't talked to you all day"
C: "Not much...but I'll tell you what's NOT new. Your blog! It's been a while since you posted - anything!"
She's subtle like a brick she is. Been mentioning my lack of new blog posts in casual conversation for the past week or so and really...it's not like I didn't know I hadn't written in awhile. Oh baby I know it. It's been driving me crazy - this not having a moment to myself to think and write, to vent and gush and gloat and talk to myself about the highs and lows of the past month. I honestly haven't even opened up my " journal" and quickly put down in print some of my thoughts and feelings, observations and records of milestones and events of the past month. How ironic that the journal i've been trying to use to keep track of all those things gets ignored when it's needed most - when tons of that stuff is happening all at once and the journal would help me keep track of these things. How 'catch-22' and really quite annoying.
So lets see if I can't recap what's been going on in as few words as possible. This could be tough. I like words - lots of rambling, random words.
The top 10 events of the past 4 weeks:
********************************************************************
The Medical Adventure Continues - a study in incompetence.
And that my friends is what's new with me. Whew. Long and rambling stuff.....and that's just the readers digest short version. There are tons of other thoughts and things running through my head. I guess they will be stuck there for a little longer and I'll try and post more regular - and about things other than just what's new with us.
K: "So, what's new? Haven't talked to you all day"
C: "Not much...but I'll tell you what's NOT new. Your blog! It's been a while since you posted - anything!"
She's subtle like a brick she is. Been mentioning my lack of new blog posts in casual conversation for the past week or so and really...it's not like I didn't know I hadn't written in awhile. Oh baby I know it. It's been driving me crazy - this not having a moment to myself to think and write, to vent and gush and gloat and talk to myself about the highs and lows of the past month. I honestly haven't even opened up my " journal" and quickly put down in print some of my thoughts and feelings, observations and records of milestones and events of the past month. How ironic that the journal i've been trying to use to keep track of all those things gets ignored when it's needed most - when tons of that stuff is happening all at once and the journal would help me keep track of these things. How 'catch-22' and really quite annoying.
So lets see if I can't recap what's been going on in as few words as possible. This could be tough. I like words - lots of rambling, random words.
The top 10 events of the past 4 weeks:
********************************************************************
The Medical Adventure Continues - a study in incompetence.
Had an appointment with our family doc and it was quite a WTF moment. He reviewed the letter from the phychologist re: starting A on Respiradol and what did he do you ask? He hemed and hawed and then wrote the scrip and handed it to me with instructions to "watch for side-effects and follow-up in 30 days". Huh? What? Pardon? I was speechless! No pre-prescription physical, no base-line bloodwork/bloodpressure/weight. He didn't even request to see A at all
regarding this. Just wrote the prescription and handed it to me. I promptly walked across the hall to the phychologists office and he was stunned. Almost speechless. We discussed what to
do next.....the main one being not filling the prescription. I didn't bother returning to our family doc to discuss my concerns - i mean really, why bother? He's leaving in a couple weeks so what's the point. The search is on for a new doc - one that has a clue. Unfortunately...it's the start of summer so there's been some delay due to holidays etc. Sigh. Patience Grasshopper.
Another School Year Bites the Dust
I offically have a piece of paper that says Ty completed all things necessary to go onto grade nine. How it happened - I'm not sure because I've since seen his report card and apparently he didn't need to pass Social Studies inorder to go onto grade 9. Again - I'm speechless. Sure I've got the certificate but I question it's worth - not that I wanted him to fail grade 8 but seriously
WTF crossed my mind.L'il O had his Kindergarden Grad and is now a Grade 1'er and he's super excited plus he is done with daycare - and unlike last year when I thought he wouldn't be returning to daycare in the
fall and wasn't ready for, this time around I am quite thankful it's over. Love Love Love our daycare but the time had come to say good-bye (not that we did....just kinda picked him up that last day and that was that) We will go in one day in the next week or two, take them some goodies and say our formal goodbye's which means mostly I will because I have a million thankyou's to say for all their years of support (oh and i have to pay my final bill...won't miss that one tiny bit thankyouverymuch!)Em's off to Grade 3 and oye - last weekend the phone rang off the hook with kids calling
back and forth to ask who's class everyone was in. It was sooooo funny and a little sad. She's growing up and has friends that she freely calls on the telephone. Isn't she just my tiny little baby? NOpe? When the heck did that happen?And A - whos' been done school for a couple weeks already since she doesn't write exams has transitioned amazingly well into the whole schools-out-it's-summer thing which normally is
quite an ordeal. Not so this year. She couldn't wait to get out of there. Kind of a little bit of insight into just how school went this past year.
Mourning the Loss of a Dear 'Friend'
So Sad. I shed a tear or two - just briefly, then got mad at myself for being so damn stupid. Now I just feel plain lost. Lost I tell you! I cannot function like this! Can't do it I tell you. Won't be able to handle this loss for much longer before I loose my mind. I broke my camera!!!!! Wahhhhhhh I know, not the most traumatic loss one can experience but it's MY CAMERA PEOPLE! Did I mention I'm absolutely LOST without it? This camera was an early Mother's Day gift, bought last
year right before we went to the kids dance competion. A much needed replacement for that horrible hand-me-down digital (which honestly i thank heather for because it was my first digi and it opened up a whole new world of film-less photo taking for me) but really i was positively giddy with excitement to get my new FujiFilm FinePix A610 -not top of the line but an
affordable camera that took amazingly clear pics (especially compared to it's predecessor). I'm totally sold on Fuji digital cameras and will eventually replace my baby with another - i might even go a little higher on the foodchain and get a higher quality if finances allow. If not, I'm just as happy with the basic models - my experience with my first fuji was that good!
The Wedding - Backyard Bash 2008: A carnival spectacular
What can I say - it was spectacular. it was a backyard bash. it was a wedding. i have the t-shirt to prove it. The rains let up just in time and the whole event was a blast! I enjoyed spending quality time with Yol and catching up. Liz looked BEAUTIFUL. We all laughed (a lot) and cried (a bit) and danced and ate and dancedsome more.....until the WPS showed up at 11:00 and shut us down. Somebody had their panties in a bunch about the "noise" from the bands and must have been sitting by their phone just waiting for Mickey's big hand to tick past 11pm because not 10 minutes later there was a cruiser car in the driveway and at 11:15 the band was 'allowed' to play one last song. Party Poopers!!!! Here's a pic of Yol, Liz and I - we clean up good don't we....for hillbillys.
Matters of the Heart
Relationships are hard work. Even harder when they aren't your own. Two people I love dearly - one I've known for what seems like forever and one who is a new-found friend have been having some problems only nobody knew (okay...we all knew but didn't know what to say or do or even if we should do anything). Somehow I eneded up 'sticking my nose in' .... as some people think (for the record, i didn't stick my nose in....i was invited in and gladly accepted the position). I don't know if I've helped or not but I do know they both needed to talk to someone and I listen well. Time will tell what happens with this matter of the heart. At one point my friend said.....I know you have your own problems and don't need to be dealing with all mine too. Funny thing is, the more I try and help them work out their differences, the more I seem to be able to work on my own. It seems to have opened up a little bit of dialogue between Al and I and we are on more solid ground the past week or so than we've been in awhile......and my sweet friend says she won't charge me much for the therapy she's providing ME. HaHaHa Funny girl!
Let's Sing
Because Al loves a good kareoke party. That's right. We did it again. At the last minute it was decided the party would be here at our house (even though John was booked 3months ago) and I spent 2 days de-cluttering the house and front addition (thank you Carrie for ALL YOUR HELP!!!) and we packed 20 or so of our closest family & friends in here for a night of laughter, singing and fun....till 3am! I now cannot walk through the upstairs spare room without sidestepping boxes of stuff that prevously was spread throughout the house and it will take me a month to sort and clean it up but it was so worth it. Everyone had a great time! We might even do it again.....who am I kidding. Al's hooked. I'm sure this won't be the last time.
Summer Fun with Family & Friends
It's now officially summer and what does that mean? Why getting together with family & friends and enjoying the great outdoors of course. We've already had our share of BBQ's this summer including the 'breaking-in' of Shelley's new HUGE BBQ that makes my kitchen stove jealous at it's shiney new-ness, hanging out at Shorepoint with Rayna and swimming in the pool was a pure treat last weekend, getting together with extended family to celebrate Granny's 100th birthday was nice (unfortunately Al and I had to work that day and things didn't run smoothly so we were quite late getting there and did not go to the cemetary to lay flowers on her grave - Happy Birthday Granny!!! We all Miss You and Love You! ) We'd watched fireworks - sort of - the kids decided wandering through the crowds and looking for John's stolen bike was way more fun, and have seen the July1st Parade. The younger kids have been to the new spray park already (i missed it - darn work!) and Ty, Em & I took Sue's dog Freya to a 'dog party'. I'm on the hunt for a low priced, small pool to set up in our yard in hopes we can beat the heat this summer - and oh boy have there already been some scorcher days with a bit of crispy skin and heat stroke. We've stocked up on sun screen and bug spray and I think we will need plenty of both in the next few weeks. We've had plenty of fun already and summer has just begun!
This Old House - a real-life drama that's giving me grey hair faster than my kids
Oh where to being. That's the big question. Where to being. Oh wait. We can't. Have been told we are NOT to tear down the front addition of our house - which is not our house. Rumor has it that it will be ours in the near future to do with as we please but until then...... Limbo. I hate limbo. It's so...... unproductive. In the mean time there has been discussion of who, when, how the shingles on the east side of the house will be replace - when I say shingles...think old....really old....as in original wood shakes. They so need to be replaced. Have needed to be replaced for many years - many more than we've lived here. Our other discussions have surrounded how much it would cost to build a new house or get an RTM. But....since the house/property technically isn't ours it's all just discussion. Good thing talk is cheap cuz houses ain't baby.
My dear sweet mom
Love her dearly. Worry. Worry. Worry. about her constantly. I took her to the ER almost 2weeks ago when she was having trouble breathing and spent 4 hours with her there. She's slowly on the mend and getting stronger but she's still not tip-top. I had a few moments of panic and dispair when she started saying things like 'her quality of life is terrible and that she didn't want to fight to stay healthy anymore, wanting to know how much longer 'she had to stay alive' according to her home renovation grant contract and things like that. It wears on my mind when she talks like that. Makes my heart hurt. *** edited to add that i just got a call from her - she's having trouble breathing again and wants to go back to the hospital for a breathing treatment. How nice ofher doctor to bugger off every damn summer for 2 months and leave his patients with less than significate care. Ass!
Cuz I'm not busy enough
******************************************************************I went and applied for a part-time job. Call me crazy! Oh wait...you already have and you can stop laughing now. I seriously WANT this job so bad and am so excited and nervous that I have an interview for it tomorrow. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I went on a
job interview (shut up with the old jokes already) It's been a really long time.....really long. This job is so 'me' and it's only part-time. Just 9 days a month doing stuff I love to do - newsletters and posters and flyers and general office stuff. How cool would that be? Way cool I tell you. Way way way cool!
And that my friends is what's new with me. Whew. Long and rambling stuff.....and that's just the readers digest short version. There are tons of other thoughts and things running through my head. I guess they will be stuck there for a little longer and I'll try and post more regular - and about things other than just what's new with us.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
This SUCKS!!!!
Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
Have I mentioned this SUCKS!!!
Why is it so hard to keep my head above water nevermind actually get ahead. I just don't know how much energy I have to keep treading water before I completely give up.
How ironic that the first phone call of the day was from some charity. I didn't answer the phone....it's on my caller id because they call often and don't like to hear the word NO. Quite frankly I didn't want to listen to their big old speech because a) I don't give to charities that call me randomly when I don't know who the heck they are or if they are even legit and b) I lack the cash to make donations - even the causes I would love to make donations to. There is nothing worse than listening to people who can't take a polite no for an answer and try to guilt me into making a donation.......but it only takes a few dollars and think about the poor children or whatever their charity supposts..... blah blah blah.
That ignored phone call should have been a clue as to how this day would go because every time I turn around today someone else is asking for money....only with them, I can't decline to give them anything cuz well that's just the way the people who provide the electricity that powers my world works. Unfortunately they weren't even happy with my somewhat generous offer and counter offered a couple hundred higher.....complete with an ultimatum. Wasn't that nice of them? Ya - real sweet. I'm thrilled to bits. I honestly know I owe them a crapload of money - heating this drafty old house is killing me slowly and I know it, but I could have used at least a little break on this one for another few weeks. I'd caught up on most everything else and this one bill is the last on the list of biggies to fix. I was feeling pretty good about the waters I was treading up to this point but someone left the water running and it's getting a little deep in here.
Then I figured I should open the mail and see what other surprises await....because surprises you are forewarned about are a little less traumatic than say....a sudden lack internet connection because you forgot to pay the bill. It's like playing the lottery......or a game show. Lets see what's behind door number 2 shall we. Actually, opening the mail wasn't too bad. Most of the 'reminder notices' were for things I'd already taken care of on my own in the last week or so, phew! Yeah me.
Then I got to the 'business mail'. Too bad Regis isn't here to offer me a lifeline cuz what was in envelope 2 was totally NOT what I was expecting. I mean really...I get mail from Canada Revenue all the time - "thank you for your remittance, here's next months forms" etc etc - the joys of payroll taxes and GST remittances. No biggie. Ya. Well. This one is a biggie. It seems there is a discrepancy with some money remitted throughout 2007 and what was reported on all the T4s and they want the difference NOW....or else. You've got to be kidding me. So here I am a few days from payroll remittance, hoping I budgetted enough for it this month and worrying about how to pay the damn GST at the end of the month and now I need to figure out what got screwed up where and when and then somewhere magically come up with almost $400 to pay this 'difference' (cuz honestly....the gov't doesnt' make mistakes so I more than likely owe them the damn money right).
For the love of grocery money is there no end to this? Everyone get your hands out of my pockets!!! They are empty. Empty I tell you and I have nothing more to give.
If you need me I'll be in my office trying not to smudge printer ink with my tears, banging my head on the desk and chain smoking my way through a $12 pack of smokes that I can't afford to smoke but will loose my mind if I don't and maybe I should pick up a bottle or two of 'faux-merlot' just to make this whole experience funner than fun.
Have I mentioned this SUCKS!!!
Why is it so hard to keep my head above water nevermind actually get ahead. I just don't know how much energy I have to keep treading water before I completely give up.
How ironic that the first phone call of the day was from some charity. I didn't answer the phone....it's on my caller id because they call often and don't like to hear the word NO. Quite frankly I didn't want to listen to their big old speech because a) I don't give to charities that call me randomly when I don't know who the heck they are or if they are even legit and b) I lack the cash to make donations - even the causes I would love to make donations to. There is nothing worse than listening to people who can't take a polite no for an answer and try to guilt me into making a donation.......but it only takes a few dollars and think about the poor children or whatever their charity supposts..... blah blah blah.
That ignored phone call should have been a clue as to how this day would go because every time I turn around today someone else is asking for money....only with them, I can't decline to give them anything cuz well that's just the way the people who provide the electricity that powers my world works. Unfortunately they weren't even happy with my somewhat generous offer and counter offered a couple hundred higher.....complete with an ultimatum. Wasn't that nice of them? Ya - real sweet. I'm thrilled to bits. I honestly know I owe them a crapload of money - heating this drafty old house is killing me slowly and I know it, but I could have used at least a little break on this one for another few weeks. I'd caught up on most everything else and this one bill is the last on the list of biggies to fix. I was feeling pretty good about the waters I was treading up to this point but someone left the water running and it's getting a little deep in here.
Then I figured I should open the mail and see what other surprises await....because surprises you are forewarned about are a little less traumatic than say....a sudden lack internet connection because you forgot to pay the bill. It's like playing the lottery......or a game show. Lets see what's behind door number 2 shall we. Actually, opening the mail wasn't too bad. Most of the 'reminder notices' were for things I'd already taken care of on my own in the last week or so, phew! Yeah me.
Then I got to the 'business mail'. Too bad Regis isn't here to offer me a lifeline cuz what was in envelope 2 was totally NOT what I was expecting. I mean really...I get mail from Canada Revenue all the time - "thank you for your remittance, here's next months forms" etc etc - the joys of payroll taxes and GST remittances. No biggie. Ya. Well. This one is a biggie. It seems there is a discrepancy with some money remitted throughout 2007 and what was reported on all the T4s and they want the difference NOW....or else. You've got to be kidding me. So here I am a few days from payroll remittance, hoping I budgetted enough for it this month and worrying about how to pay the damn GST at the end of the month and now I need to figure out what got screwed up where and when and then somewhere magically come up with almost $400 to pay this 'difference' (cuz honestly....the gov't doesnt' make mistakes so I more than likely owe them the damn money right).
For the love of grocery money is there no end to this? Everyone get your hands out of my pockets!!! They are empty. Empty I tell you and I have nothing more to give.
If you need me I'll be in my office trying not to smudge printer ink with my tears, banging my head on the desk and chain smoking my way through a $12 pack of smokes that I can't afford to smoke but will loose my mind if I don't and maybe I should pick up a bottle or two of 'faux-merlot' just to make this whole experience funner than fun.
a prescription for........pain relief.....and germ warefare....and HOPE.
Okay so there are times when we can go months and months withough seeing anyone in the medical profession......and then there are times where I feel like I'm in a revolving door and pop in frequently to see the doc, pharmacist and recently therapists/resource coordinators (not medical I know but still a "professional" so it will count in this instance) The past few weeks have been one revolving door visit after another.
I've seen our family doctor twice more since I lost my mind in his office 4 weeks ago and bawled and damn near had a panic attack and begged for help. Once to get a refill of my 'blithering idiot pills' since I'd taken the remaining 6 pills that were left over from January's back spasm incident when last Tuesday I had another spasm. I spent 24hours looped out of my mind (for 20of them I was asleep) and then the next couple days in just slight pain - only taking the pills at night. Since that left me with no more pills I decided I'd go ask for a refill of them to have on hand for when - not if - but when this happens again and thankfully the doc and the student doc both agreed to my request. 15more magic beans on hand for next time. woohoo!
Yesterday I was back in his office. This time with a sick little girl, who'd been home from school for the past 2 days. "She doesn't look very sick and her throat is only slightly red and her glands are only slightly swollen but I'll take a swab and give you a prescription just in case" (since he was leaving early and wouldn't be around later). Why does he insist on playing this just-to-humor-me game everytime I drag a sick child in for a throat swab. 9 times out of 10 I'm right and it's almost always the ones that 'don't look sick' that end up with the positive swab and the resulting bottle of yellow stuff to battle the germs. I predict at least one more member of this family to test positive over the next week.....we are a sharing family that way. I appologize to anyone else we may subsequently share this with. Think of it as our way of saying we love you!
I wonder how many more visits to see him I can squeeze in before the 15th of July....which is apparently when he is no longer our doctor. To this I say "Pardon?" While reading the local newspaper last Friday.....just an hour or two after leaving his office re the blithering idiot pills, I read a notice announcing that he is leaving his practice and some new doctor will be taking over all his patients. Huh? What? Come again? I'm stunned. So now I have a new doctor that I don't even know - I'm so not comfortable with this situation....especially since things are about to get more interesting in the family medical area around here in the next little while.
Which brings me to the HOPE part of this update.
We've seen the psychologist - a result of my loosing my mind in the dr's office 4wks ago, 3 times in the last 3 weeks plus I've talked to him a couple times on the phone. Finally I feel like I have someone solidly on my side who sees the big picture and understands what's going on and can help. Help me with my state of mind and also help with dealing with some of the chaos and confussion around here. While not all strategies we brainstorm durring these sessions end up working the way we expect - every little idea helps in some way. Well almost every idea - we WILL NOT being doing any more relaxation exercises ...thankyouverymuchbutnothanks (since 4hours later I was flat on my back in pain from a spasm...relaxing - NOT!) and the girl takes things so literally and to the extreme that some suggestions just ended up snowballing - but it was a good effort and the psychologist got a good idea of how information is or is not being processed in that little ol' mind of hers.
I'm even slowly adjusting to the fact that since the funny psychologist guy rattled ThatWoman from CSS's chain, she's been more involved. She's called a couple times and is coming out to 'visit' next week (have i mentioned I don't like people in my space who may 'judge me') to do a home safety assessment as part of some Union agreement regarding respite - so even though we dont' actually have respite workers coming INTO our home we have to have this assessment done. Oh Boy.
Anyway (i got sidetracked there for a minute) back to the HOPE. Hope in the form of a prescription. The phychologist has suggested a couple times that we consider trying medication again to help with some of the issues at hand - inattention, mood swings/irritability etc. and he's mentioned trying Ritalin again. We did it once and I've often thought of trying again so I was willing to go for it. That is until yesterdays meeting. A totally different medication was brought up and to me it seems he's really put alot of thought into this because after reading about the medication and its uses it's reinforcing some ideas I've had lately --- and I think my ideas are his ideas too.
Someone mentioned to me a month or so ago that the symptoms/issues we have been experiencing seems alot along the lines of Asperger's Syndrome and the more I read the more I'm convinced that this is at least in part what we are dealing with......and although I have not mentioned this to the phychologist - the medication he is recommending is becoming known for dealing some aspects of AS - particulary irritability and aggression and impulsivity. So this really leads me to think him and I are on the same page and I'm gonna ask him straight out about it next time I talk to him.
In the mean time - he's sent a letter to our doctor....you know...the one who's leaving soon.....requesting he provide the prescription for a very low dose of Rispiradol and the subsequent monitoring of it. I'm worried about the reply. It could go either way. The doctor could agree OR he could say no. So I'm waiting and waiting to hear and trying not to get my hopes up that this will happen sooner rather than later (if he says no then we have to find another doctor willing to take this on) and I'm trying not to hope too much that this medication will actually work and more importantly work with minimal ,if any, side effects. This won't FIX things but it could potentially improve the quality of alot of lives in this house....and that is so worth HOPING for!!!
~K
I've seen our family doctor twice more since I lost my mind in his office 4 weeks ago and bawled and damn near had a panic attack and begged for help. Once to get a refill of my 'blithering idiot pills' since I'd taken the remaining 6 pills that were left over from January's back spasm incident when last Tuesday I had another spasm. I spent 24hours looped out of my mind (for 20of them I was asleep) and then the next couple days in just slight pain - only taking the pills at night. Since that left me with no more pills I decided I'd go ask for a refill of them to have on hand for when - not if - but when this happens again and thankfully the doc and the student doc both agreed to my request. 15more magic beans on hand for next time. woohoo!
Yesterday I was back in his office. This time with a sick little girl, who'd been home from school for the past 2 days. "She doesn't look very sick and her throat is only slightly red and her glands are only slightly swollen but I'll take a swab and give you a prescription just in case" (since he was leaving early and wouldn't be around later). Why does he insist on playing this just-to-humor-me game everytime I drag a sick child in for a throat swab. 9 times out of 10 I'm right and it's almost always the ones that 'don't look sick' that end up with the positive swab and the resulting bottle of yellow stuff to battle the germs. I predict at least one more member of this family to test positive over the next week.....we are a sharing family that way. I appologize to anyone else we may subsequently share this with. Think of it as our way of saying we love you!
I wonder how many more visits to see him I can squeeze in before the 15th of July....which is apparently when he is no longer our doctor. To this I say "Pardon?" While reading the local newspaper last Friday.....just an hour or two after leaving his office re the blithering idiot pills, I read a notice announcing that he is leaving his practice and some new doctor will be taking over all his patients. Huh? What? Come again? I'm stunned. So now I have a new doctor that I don't even know - I'm so not comfortable with this situation....especially since things are about to get more interesting in the family medical area around here in the next little while.
Which brings me to the HOPE part of this update.
We've seen the psychologist - a result of my loosing my mind in the dr's office 4wks ago, 3 times in the last 3 weeks plus I've talked to him a couple times on the phone. Finally I feel like I have someone solidly on my side who sees the big picture and understands what's going on and can help. Help me with my state of mind and also help with dealing with some of the chaos and confussion around here. While not all strategies we brainstorm durring these sessions end up working the way we expect - every little idea helps in some way. Well almost every idea - we WILL NOT being doing any more relaxation exercises ...thankyouverymuchbutnothanks (since 4hours later I was flat on my back in pain from a spasm...relaxing - NOT!) and the girl takes things so literally and to the extreme that some suggestions just ended up snowballing - but it was a good effort and the psychologist got a good idea of how information is or is not being processed in that little ol' mind of hers.
I'm even slowly adjusting to the fact that since the funny psychologist guy rattled ThatWoman from CSS's chain, she's been more involved. She's called a couple times and is coming out to 'visit' next week (have i mentioned I don't like people in my space who may 'judge me') to do a home safety assessment as part of some Union agreement regarding respite - so even though we dont' actually have respite workers coming INTO our home we have to have this assessment done. Oh Boy.
Anyway (i got sidetracked there for a minute) back to the HOPE. Hope in the form of a prescription. The phychologist has suggested a couple times that we consider trying medication again to help with some of the issues at hand - inattention, mood swings/irritability etc. and he's mentioned trying Ritalin again. We did it once and I've often thought of trying again so I was willing to go for it. That is until yesterdays meeting. A totally different medication was brought up and to me it seems he's really put alot of thought into this because after reading about the medication and its uses it's reinforcing some ideas I've had lately --- and I think my ideas are his ideas too.
Someone mentioned to me a month or so ago that the symptoms/issues we have been experiencing seems alot along the lines of Asperger's Syndrome and the more I read the more I'm convinced that this is at least in part what we are dealing with......and although I have not mentioned this to the phychologist - the medication he is recommending is becoming known for dealing some aspects of AS - particulary irritability and aggression and impulsivity. So this really leads me to think him and I are on the same page and I'm gonna ask him straight out about it next time I talk to him.
In the mean time - he's sent a letter to our doctor....you know...the one who's leaving soon.....requesting he provide the prescription for a very low dose of Rispiradol and the subsequent monitoring of it. I'm worried about the reply. It could go either way. The doctor could agree OR he could say no. So I'm waiting and waiting to hear and trying not to get my hopes up that this will happen sooner rather than later (if he says no then we have to find another doctor willing to take this on) and I'm trying not to hope too much that this medication will actually work and more importantly work with minimal ,if any, side effects. This won't FIX things but it could potentially improve the quality of alot of lives in this house....and that is so worth HOPING for!!!
~K
Sunday, June 08, 2008
and then the boy said.....
"oh mom, you always come thru for me."
and i am speechless
how do you repond to that other than to grin and feel like somebody loves you and everything you do for them...even the little things
and what brought forth this tidbit of love from my 5 (and a half) year old son's mouth
i handed him a banana sandwich
a banana sandwich he hadn't asked for
a meal he didn't whine for (unlike his sister who was hungry in mid afternoon.....possibly because she didn't bother listening to me when i said 'have breakfast' a few hours earlier like he did)
i'd made her a banana sandwich - cuz really those couple of remaining bananas were destined for the garbage sooner rather than later anyway and cuz i haven't been grocery shopping in a week and the pantry is BARE!
i made him one just because if i was making one i may as well make two.
i walked into the living room, handed him the sandwich muttering 'here - eat this' half expecting him to grumble that he didn't want it and as i walked away he floored me with his loving words
ahhhh it's good to be loved - and i so needed it this afternoon
and i'm speechless
because once again i'm thinking 'where the heck does he come up with these things he says'
he's a funny kid.
and i love him
and he loves me
and some days that's enough to get you through
especially on those days when other children, who shall remain nameless, are whining....i'm bored; i don't want to help cut the grass; or take the sheets off my bed for washing; make my own breakfast. i want to go to town; amma's; gramma's; aunty georgie's; cherie's; alex's basically anywhere but here - cuz i'm bored and don't want to help cut the grass or clean my room or put my laundry away or any of the other millions of ways that might be thought up to torture their poor pitiful souls.
and i am speechless
how do you repond to that other than to grin and feel like somebody loves you and everything you do for them...even the little things
and what brought forth this tidbit of love from my 5 (and a half) year old son's mouth
i handed him a banana sandwich
a banana sandwich he hadn't asked for
a meal he didn't whine for (unlike his sister who was hungry in mid afternoon.....possibly because she didn't bother listening to me when i said 'have breakfast' a few hours earlier like he did)
i'd made her a banana sandwich - cuz really those couple of remaining bananas were destined for the garbage sooner rather than later anyway and cuz i haven't been grocery shopping in a week and the pantry is BARE!
i made him one just because if i was making one i may as well make two.
i walked into the living room, handed him the sandwich muttering 'here - eat this' half expecting him to grumble that he didn't want it and as i walked away he floored me with his loving words
ahhhh it's good to be loved - and i so needed it this afternoon
and i'm speechless
because once again i'm thinking 'where the heck does he come up with these things he says'
he's a funny kid.
and i love him
and he loves me
and some days that's enough to get you through
especially on those days when other children, who shall remain nameless, are whining....i'm bored; i don't want to help cut the grass; or take the sheets off my bed for washing; make my own breakfast. i want to go to town; amma's; gramma's; aunty georgie's; cherie's; alex's basically anywhere but here - cuz i'm bored and don't want to help cut the grass or clean my room or put my laundry away or any of the other millions of ways that might be thought up to torture their poor pitiful souls.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
We are not Hillbillies. We are sisters.
We are sisters that came together over the years, through the branching of an oddly JerrySpringer-ish family tree.
We are sisters at heart.
Both of these beautiful woman mean the world to me and I'm blessed to have them both in my life. I'm even more blessed that the men in their lives 'get' the bond the three of us (and my mom too) all share with each other.
Not many men in this world would be so understanding of the continued relationship one person has with an ex-spouses family nor for that matter an ex-spouses' ex-spouse. I know....weird circle and you are lost but that's the JerrySpringer-ishness of it all. It doesn't really matter HOW we are un-related, just that we are and are quite fine with it.
So it has come to be that the beautiful lady on the left, Liz, is getting married to an understanding fellow (Gary) and that the beautiful lady on the right, Yolie, is married to an equally understanding fellow (Donnie) and while Yolie is coming to town for Liz and Gary's upcoming annual backyard summer party turned wedding, Donnie is not able to come with her. Since Yolie will be flying solo at said party and knowing few of the others in attendance, it was thought by Liz, that I might be Yolies' guest for the festivities. The ever understanding Gary was asked his opinion on the matter and while his concern is that it appears he's marrying a hillbilly, I have been granted the thrilling opportunity to attend their wedding...... and I'm ever so excited!!!!
edited to add - what does one wear to a backyard party/wedding when you are informed that it is casual and there will be carnival games and 'don't be surprised if the justice of the peace is wearing a clown nose'. I just have no clue how to define casual after hearing that.
Emily is 8!!!!
Happy Birthday My Beautiful Priness!!!
Emily actually turned 8 two weeks ago and I realized last week that I hadn't posted her *happy birthday* and then I had to find the perfect picture of her (thanks to Aunty Heather) for it.
Emily had a wonderful year this past year as did her brother and sister. While she did not get to travel to BC for a week she did get to spend that week home with just her little brother and dad and I - a rare treat in itself, and she attended day camp at the rec center (spy week...so fun) durring that time. It was a much needed fun week spending it with many of her friends from school whom she missed over the summer. She's had a great time in Grade 2 and has in true 'emily style' progressed amazingly and her teachers make sure she's challenged enough daily to keep her love of learning alive and not get bored (something I've always been afraid of). She LOVES to read and is now confidently reading chapter books with almost the same desire as I did at her age. Finally I have my book-worm!!! Emily of course was in Ukrainain Dancing again this year and loved every minute of it - as if there was ever any doubt. She started bowling with the YBC this year and has made great strides since September....if we could only get rid of that nasty curve ball. It's one of the few times I've seen her actually struggle to master something and while there were some ups and downs she never once gave up. While she is our girlie-girl princess - dressing up and wearing pretty shoes, she's also willing to get in the mess of things and be rough and tumble with her brothers (or the boys at school....that girl does not own a pair of pants that do not have holes in the knees from playing soccer with the boys) or get dirty working with dad out in the garage. Her and dad have this special bond and she will tag along with him any time he asks. Together they go out and check the oil in the trucks and make sure they are ready for work the next day. Our smart, funny (sarcastic...oh how i love that) beautiful little princess is 8 years old already. Wow how time flys, but how fun it is to watch her soar!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
I didn't see that coming
Ever been blindsided? Not literally. I'm talking figuratively here....I don't want to talk about literally being blindsided - that concrete table had it coming and shouldn't have been in the way while I was distracted by my own thoughts.
In my disorganized state of utter confusion I find myself struck by information that I knew about, processed, stored in my memory and then, because, much like this poor old computer, I'm so jam packed with *stuff* my memory recall is a little slow some days and then wham - I'm blindsided.
Take Friday morning for instance. I'm running late for work. The boy - NOT a morning person - was being particularly sleepy and an unwilling participant in the whole morning thing. I dressed him and he went back to sleep. I washed his face & brushed his hair...while he was still asleep. I put his shoes on him...while he was still asleep. Ugh So finally we are in the van and heading to daycare and then he says to me. "You know. I was talking to Dane last night and he said there was no daycare today" BAMM!- I'm blindsided with this information and it starts the information retrieval process and I vaguely remember reading in at least 3 or 4 newsletters in the last couple months that the daycare would be closed one day so the staff can attend a childcare conference. I back the van up and rush into the house to find any one of the newsletters saying what date that was. It only took me shuffling through 2 piles of papers to find one and sure enough - daycare's closed. I read it. I processed it. I stored it for future reference but alas I forgot to retrieve the info when needed. Geesh! My information system is glitchier than Vista (which i've heard horrible things about).
I love lists and calendars. Love them. My only problem with them....I forget to look at them or I loose them. In fact, even if I do find and look at them, it's not uncommon to then process the info that is on them and promptly forget. I can make note of a meeting, think about that meeting daily for a week, even think about said meeting on the morning of but then miss the meeting and remember about it an hour or two after I've already missed it. The same goes for paying bills. I'm not even talking about paying them 'on time' either. I mean just paying them in general. I think about it. Mean to do it. Even go to do it and then get sidetracked and poof - the thought is lost and I don't do it. Then BAMM! - blindsided by a disconnected cellphone or lack of internet connection. Information retrieval is NOT what I do best. I am getting better about not missing appointments or meetings since I started using my cellphone calendar where I put the info in and set it for a reminder alarm but still, not everything fits on that calendar. It's not like I can put in remember to pick up toilet paper then next time you go to the store on it and I only remember it when BAMM I'm blindsided with a lack of toilet paper. Not the end of the world but still just as painful as a missed appointment or lost phone service. Although lost phone service has to be the suckiest of all faux-pas because seriously - running to town for TP is easily corrected, getting stuck in answering system gridlock trying to find a human to help me with my lack of telephone service and remove the recording on it informing callers that our number had been changed to another number - that of the people who had our phone number 5yrs ago and for whom we still receive numerous calls for each month. Honestly MTS never could explain the number re-direct to me, but the whole lost service thing was totally my fault. I processed the "pink" reminder/disconnection notice and then it got lost among the clutter of my mind.
Okay so that said. I have a note stuck to my computer that says........"PAY THE DAMN BILLS TODAY BEFORE THE S*** HITS THE FAN!!!!! I wrote it last night...because I thought about it on my way to bed and knew I wouldn't think about it this morning on my own and now that I've sufficiently sidetracked myself with blogging this morning I should actually pay the noted bills before I forget - again. I guess that means before I can do that I have to actualy go track down the bills so I know who and how much I have to pay them. My "paper" files are, sadly, in worse condition that my "mental" files. I need HELP!!!!
In my disorganized state of utter confusion I find myself struck by information that I knew about, processed, stored in my memory and then, because, much like this poor old computer, I'm so jam packed with *stuff* my memory recall is a little slow some days and then wham - I'm blindsided.
Take Friday morning for instance. I'm running late for work. The boy - NOT a morning person - was being particularly sleepy and an unwilling participant in the whole morning thing. I dressed him and he went back to sleep. I washed his face & brushed his hair...while he was still asleep. I put his shoes on him...while he was still asleep. Ugh So finally we are in the van and heading to daycare and then he says to me. "You know. I was talking to Dane last night and he said there was no daycare today" BAMM!- I'm blindsided with this information and it starts the information retrieval process and I vaguely remember reading in at least 3 or 4 newsletters in the last couple months that the daycare would be closed one day so the staff can attend a childcare conference. I back the van up and rush into the house to find any one of the newsletters saying what date that was. It only took me shuffling through 2 piles of papers to find one and sure enough - daycare's closed. I read it. I processed it. I stored it for future reference but alas I forgot to retrieve the info when needed. Geesh! My information system is glitchier than Vista (which i've heard horrible things about).
I love lists and calendars. Love them. My only problem with them....I forget to look at them or I loose them. In fact, even if I do find and look at them, it's not uncommon to then process the info that is on them and promptly forget. I can make note of a meeting, think about that meeting daily for a week, even think about said meeting on the morning of but then miss the meeting and remember about it an hour or two after I've already missed it. The same goes for paying bills. I'm not even talking about paying them 'on time' either. I mean just paying them in general. I think about it. Mean to do it. Even go to do it and then get sidetracked and poof - the thought is lost and I don't do it. Then BAMM! - blindsided by a disconnected cellphone or lack of internet connection. Information retrieval is NOT what I do best. I am getting better about not missing appointments or meetings since I started using my cellphone calendar where I put the info in and set it for a reminder alarm but still, not everything fits on that calendar. It's not like I can put in remember to pick up toilet paper then next time you go to the store on it and I only remember it when BAMM I'm blindsided with a lack of toilet paper. Not the end of the world but still just as painful as a missed appointment or lost phone service. Although lost phone service has to be the suckiest of all faux-pas because seriously - running to town for TP is easily corrected, getting stuck in answering system gridlock trying to find a human to help me with my lack of telephone service and remove the recording on it informing callers that our number had been changed to another number - that of the people who had our phone number 5yrs ago and for whom we still receive numerous calls for each month. Honestly MTS never could explain the number re-direct to me, but the whole lost service thing was totally my fault. I processed the "pink" reminder/disconnection notice and then it got lost among the clutter of my mind.
Okay so that said. I have a note stuck to my computer that says........"PAY THE DAMN BILLS TODAY BEFORE THE S*** HITS THE FAN!!!!! I wrote it last night...because I thought about it on my way to bed and knew I wouldn't think about it this morning on my own and now that I've sufficiently sidetracked myself with blogging this morning I should actually pay the noted bills before I forget - again. I guess that means before I can do that I have to actualy go track down the bills so I know who and how much I have to pay them. My "paper" files are, sadly, in worse condition that my "mental" files. I need HELP!!!!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Six Degrees of Seperation - Blog Style
Oh how fun this blogging stuff is. I'm truely loving it. Not just the random ramblings of my own posts but reading blogs of other people....my blog is just plain boring and only two people actually read it (hi carrie & kat). Some of the blogs I visit often are listed on the side and since I'm on the low end of the learning curve of blogging, I haven't added many. A few of them are my friends blogs, there are a couple scrapping/CTMH related blogs, one by a mom with a handful of kids where I go to hear about the truely insane things she goes through in a day so my life doesn't seem so oddly bizzare and a couple are blogs I've come across while doing some research on advocating effectively for my kid(s). In my favorites folder though are a dozen or so more blogs that I've come across in different ways. Most are from links on other blog sidebars but a week or so ago I clicked the "Next Blog" button at the top of my page and just randomly came across a few really interesting blogs - like one by a young girl, out of college for the summer who is now in Europe on a summer school course focussing on Art History and Photography. She's having a great time and I'm getting to live vicariously through her and see some beautiful pictures of old world archetecture in the form of castles and churches that I know I will never see in person. Another one I came across was a blog created by family and friends of a young fellow in NewYork. He was in an accident in early May and has been in ICU for weeks. The blog is basically a way for all his friends around the world to pop in and post messages to him. This guy has touched a whole lot of peoples lives in such a postitive way I wanted to learn more about him so I clicked over to his own personal blog, Hello Human and then to his website. In doing so I have discovered a wonderfully talented artist and very interesting person who has quite a reputation and has had a few of his paintings used on sets of TV shows and even in the homes on Extreme Home Makeover. HOW COOL! I googled his name in the hunt for his calendar that was published and is available through barnes and noble and came across prints of his work for sale at prints.com. If I'm really frugal and save my pennies I might even purchase a print or two. Check out his work.
Here's where I get to the 'six degrees' part. While over at Dawn Meehan's blog Because I Said So yesterday, I clicked on a few of links on her sidebar to check them out (because it's what I do). I've gotten some really good links from that site including another personal fav by a homeschooling mom of 6....the SuburbanCorrespondant regularly thrills me with anecdotes of parenting not only a large number of children but one rather snarly teenage daughter. oh how i can relate!. Many of the links from Dawn's though are blogs or care pages of terminally ill or extremely disabled children. One inparticular, that I spent a good part of the afternoon reading through is that of a little girl named Rylee who has a very debillitating disease and her parents work way harder at providing care for her in their home than they need to (fighting for gov't services etc) and at one point in a recent post there is a picture of their living room and on the wall behind their sofa is this gorgeous picture that I was immediately drawn to and recognized as being by the artist I mentioned above. I don't think I would have noticed it had I not spent time browsing his art work a few days earlier. Ironically this family has put together an application tape to send to Extreme Home Make Over in the hopes that Ty and his crew will help them transform their lovely home into one that is more accessible for their young daughter who is getting big enough now that she will soon be requiring a wheelchair rather than the specially designed strollers and such that they currently have. I'm hoping it's a sign - that sign painting on their wall, that good things will come to them and Extreme Home Make Over will come knocking on their door one day soon. I know it's a dream of mine that they will help me with my house....but that's just a dream (who doesn't dream of Ty Pennington waking them up in the early morning hours....bullhorn or not). Some people just really do need their help more than I do and for way more important reasons.
Try clicking on the "next blog" button and seeing where it takes you today. You never know what interesting things lay just beyond the page you are currently reading.
~K
Here's where I get to the 'six degrees' part. While over at Dawn Meehan's blog Because I Said So yesterday, I clicked on a few of links on her sidebar to check them out (because it's what I do). I've gotten some really good links from that site including another personal fav by a homeschooling mom of 6....the SuburbanCorrespondant regularly thrills me with anecdotes of parenting not only a large number of children but one rather snarly teenage daughter. oh how i can relate!. Many of the links from Dawn's though are blogs or care pages of terminally ill or extremely disabled children. One inparticular, that I spent a good part of the afternoon reading through is that of a little girl named Rylee who has a very debillitating disease and her parents work way harder at providing care for her in their home than they need to (fighting for gov't services etc) and at one point in a recent post there is a picture of their living room and on the wall behind their sofa is this gorgeous picture that I was immediately drawn to and recognized as being by the artist I mentioned above. I don't think I would have noticed it had I not spent time browsing his art work a few days earlier. Ironically this family has put together an application tape to send to Extreme Home Make Over in the hopes that Ty and his crew will help them transform their lovely home into one that is more accessible for their young daughter who is getting big enough now that she will soon be requiring a wheelchair rather than the specially designed strollers and such that they currently have. I'm hoping it's a sign - that sign painting on their wall, that good things will come to them and Extreme Home Make Over will come knocking on their door one day soon. I know it's a dream of mine that they will help me with my house....but that's just a dream (who doesn't dream of Ty Pennington waking them up in the early morning hours....bullhorn or not). Some people just really do need their help more than I do and for way more important reasons.
Try clicking on the "next blog" button and seeing where it takes you today. You never know what interesting things lay just beyond the page you are currently reading.
~K
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
and so we begin
our adventure into the world of adolescent psychology and beyond.
We had our first meeting with the psychologist today. Nice guy. I like him and I was very comfortable talking to him - for the most part, no - i think completely, even if I did get a little stressed and anxious but that was only briefly and he put me at ease quickly. I do like him.
The meeting itself took less than an hour. We signed some papers giving the department (ie him) permission to a) talk to Aarica, b) access her records and I'm sure there was a c) but I can't remember what it was. I don't really remember all that we talked about but since I'd given him a good history lesson the day before over the phone we didn't need to get into details of whats what in our life. One interesting discussion though involved the fact that ThatWoman from CSS had called me this morning on the premise of checking on how things were going with the new respite worker and that TW hadn't be able to contact her for a few days. The respite worker said she was going to call ThatWoman with regards to having missed our respite night last week so I didn't think anything of the fact that TW had called this morning.
He's very insistant that a main priority be that we receive more help ..... in the home. *gasp*.......that's where i got a little anxious. I don't like people in my space and being the funny psychologist guy that he is...he picked up on my anxiety and called me on it - read me like a book, he did and then suggested he introduce me to the adult phychologist. gessh I hope I'm as comfortable with whoever that is. (side not to funny phychologist guy.....too many new people in my circle and i'll bolt like a spooked horse buddy)
So moving right along, on also known as changing the subject, we then discussed what happens next and that will be him meeting Aarica. Her and I have an appointment next Tuesday and by then he figures he will have an appointment time set up for her to meet with a psychiatrist (probably in a couple weeks) and then we will get some updated assessments etc done. He's not too impressed with the lack of assessments and such that have been done over the years. I'm sure the last time we saw anyone in a professional manner was at least 6yrs ago - if not more. Not that he blames us for that. Someone dropped the ball and follow-ups weren't done along the way. Uh....ya. Tell me something I don't know. Anyway, he says he's impressed with how we've handled things thus far considering the lack of support we've received. Have I mentioned I like this guy.....and that I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when he called ThatWoman. Okay. I'll stop gloating now. I'm just very happy and I guess I'll forgive him for making me anxious with that whole need to bring more peopleinto our home to help stuff. It's a touchy spot with me. I've spent the last 10+ years building walls to keep those that judge out after some really horrible experiences. But I'll trust this guy that he knows what he's talking about....for now.
After the meeting with the funny psychologist guy, Al and I went out for lunch then to his parents for coffee and a visit. Nice stuff. Quality time spent together. After that I had a couple hours of me-time and I went browsing at the thrift store & did a little shopping on the cheap, visited with Carrie, Garrett and the baby for a little bit, picked up a few groceries and came home........to a 'fixed' backdoor - well sort of fixed backdoor, which was broken by the two oldest kids goofing around. Dad had given them both extra chores as punishment for their irresponsible actions leading to the breaking of the door (take into account this is NOT the first broken door in our lives) and all was calm and peaceful in my world. Shortly after that, the two youngest kids came home from their afterschool playdate and we spent the evening with a house full of company - Sue, Luke & Carrie. I broke open another bottle of Merlot (which i'm told is not really wine but wine-beverage...so we will now call it Faux-Merlot) and this time it was because it was a GOOD DAY and not because it was a very very long day. BTW - The psychologist keeps asking me how I sleep...if I get enough sleep....hmmmm wonder what he'd say if I said yes I do with the help of Faux-Merlot. LOL I'm just kidding. Usually it's Dark Rum & Sprite. ;0)
~K
We had our first meeting with the psychologist today. Nice guy. I like him and I was very comfortable talking to him - for the most part, no - i think completely, even if I did get a little stressed and anxious but that was only briefly and he put me at ease quickly. I do like him.
The meeting itself took less than an hour. We signed some papers giving the department (ie him) permission to a) talk to Aarica, b) access her records and I'm sure there was a c) but I can't remember what it was. I don't really remember all that we talked about but since I'd given him a good history lesson the day before over the phone we didn't need to get into details of whats what in our life. One interesting discussion though involved the fact that ThatWoman from CSS had called me this morning on the premise of checking on how things were going with the new respite worker and that TW hadn't be able to contact her for a few days. The respite worker said she was going to call ThatWoman with regards to having missed our respite night last week so I didn't think anything of the fact that TW had called this morning.
On a side note I discussed my concerns about this new worker with ThatWoman andAnyway back to the conversation with the psychologist................ I had mentioned to him yesterday, our frusteration with CSS and he did not seem surprised that I got a call from ThatWoman this morning and said something to the effect of ' look what happens when you rattle a few chains' . Bwaaahhhhh. I do believe he called her and gave her a pieceof his mind and I sure would have loved to have been listeninging in on that conversation. Score 1 for Us on the CSS front. Thank you funny phychologist guy.
mentioned that I had someone else that is willing to provide the sort of respite
we are looking for. She said she would call me next week when she's back from
holidays to let me know how much I have in my respite budget...and again
mentioned camp (ugh...she just doesn't get that Aarica doesn't want to go to
camp) so in the mean time I'm going to talk to Cherie-Lyne about doing respite
for us privately. Sweet stuff!
He's very insistant that a main priority be that we receive more help ..... in the home. *gasp*.......that's where i got a little anxious. I don't like people in my space and being the funny psychologist guy that he is...he picked up on my anxiety and called me on it - read me like a book, he did and then suggested he introduce me to the adult phychologist. gessh I hope I'm as comfortable with whoever that is. (side not to funny phychologist guy.....too many new people in my circle and i'll bolt like a spooked horse buddy)
So moving right along, on also known as changing the subject, we then discussed what happens next and that will be him meeting Aarica. Her and I have an appointment next Tuesday and by then he figures he will have an appointment time set up for her to meet with a psychiatrist (probably in a couple weeks) and then we will get some updated assessments etc done. He's not too impressed with the lack of assessments and such that have been done over the years. I'm sure the last time we saw anyone in a professional manner was at least 6yrs ago - if not more. Not that he blames us for that. Someone dropped the ball and follow-ups weren't done along the way. Uh....ya. Tell me something I don't know. Anyway, he says he's impressed with how we've handled things thus far considering the lack of support we've received. Have I mentioned I like this guy.....and that I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when he called ThatWoman. Okay. I'll stop gloating now. I'm just very happy and I guess I'll forgive him for making me anxious with that whole need to bring more peopleinto our home to help stuff. It's a touchy spot with me. I've spent the last 10+ years building walls to keep those that judge out after some really horrible experiences. But I'll trust this guy that he knows what he's talking about....for now.
After the meeting with the funny psychologist guy, Al and I went out for lunch then to his parents for coffee and a visit. Nice stuff. Quality time spent together. After that I had a couple hours of me-time and I went browsing at the thrift store & did a little shopping on the cheap, visited with Carrie, Garrett and the baby for a little bit, picked up a few groceries and came home........to a 'fixed' backdoor - well sort of fixed backdoor, which was broken by the two oldest kids goofing around. Dad had given them both extra chores as punishment for their irresponsible actions leading to the breaking of the door (take into account this is NOT the first broken door in our lives) and all was calm and peaceful in my world. Shortly after that, the two youngest kids came home from their afterschool playdate and we spent the evening with a house full of company - Sue, Luke & Carrie. I broke open another bottle of Merlot (which i'm told is not really wine but wine-beverage...so we will now call it Faux-Merlot) and this time it was because it was a GOOD DAY and not because it was a very very long day. BTW - The psychologist keeps asking me how I sleep...if I get enough sleep....hmmmm wonder what he'd say if I said yes I do with the help of Faux-Merlot. LOL I'm just kidding. Usually it's Dark Rum & Sprite. ;0)
~K
Monday, May 26, 2008
Trucks, Phychologists & other random thoughts
My body aches and I'm oh so tired but I feel the need to blog tonight. My thoughts are scattered (stop snickering and thinking - what else is new) and I'm sure the Merlot won't help them un-scatter but I'll give it a go anyway.
It's been an ever so interesting day...ummm week. Lets work backwards shall we.
Today was a very long day (hense the Merlot) and I'm so hoping the children will cease their unwillingness to sleep - soon! Al & Aarica, Shelley & I finally pulled back into the yard after a very long day in 'the beach' around 7:30 tonight. After a long frusterating day, Shelley finally got the parts needed to somewhat fix the big truck and she brought Aarica with her to the beach at 6pm tonight to help us finish up the last of the route. At one point Shelley threatened to pull start the truck, drive it into the city and through the display window of the dealership where we bought it (it's not the first time she's threatened to bring the truck back to them in a dramatic way...one of these days they are gonna call the cops on 'that crazy red-head' LOL) Anyway, as you can figure by now, the 'big truck' pitched a hissy...much like it's driver, and took most of the day off. I went in at 1:00 to take over for Garrett who worked the morning with Al. I was so impressed that they had finished all of Al's route by then. I spent the morning at home unexpectedly and for much of it I wasn't sure if I'd be heading into work at any moment so I really didn't accompish much around here while I was waiting for the big truck to be fixed. While I waited though, I did spend a half an hour on the phone with a psychologist. The title of my post was going to be " And the Pshychologist said......" Actually, it was going to be " Is it bad when a Psychologist says I think you are long overdue for some help?" but that was too long. Seriously though, that's what he said at one point. LOL It was a nice conversation and I'm actually looking forward to meeting him tomorrow afternoon. I hope I can talk as easily to him in person as I did over the phone today. Why the phychologist's phone call and subsequent appointment? Because I fell to pieces in the dr's office on Thursday and begged for help dealing with the teen mood-swing queen.... and our dr sent a consult over to the adolescent psychologist across the hall from him and boom there it is - the phone call of hope. One thing he said to me on the phone -" I don't think I can fix everything but I can help you deal with things alot better." Sounds good to me! For the first time in a long time I feel like there is someone in a professional capacity that 'gets where I'm coming from' and understands me and is willing to help in any way he can. Yipeeee. I'm kinda glad I was at home when he called and was able to take the time to actually talk to him, which wouldn't have been the case had the truck not broken down first thing this morning. Do things happen for a reason? Let's not push it that far. I'm not exactly willing to say that the words Truck Fire will ever ever ever be a good thing. They put it out with the fire extinguisher before I knew anything about it but still - not a good way to start out a Monday morning.....especially at 7 in the morning. At least I'd had a swallow or two of coffee before Garrett tossed that bit of news my way. Maybe if I'd gotten to sleep before 1am (darn girl and her fear of thunder storms) it might not have taken 2-3 attempts to explain what was going on outside for me to actually clue in. LOL
Well, Merlot and I did a pretty fine job of this post I think, but it's definately time to call it a night. I'll elaborate on the Dr's appointment and events leading up to that tomorrow when I have more time on my almost-day-off. I also have a post from mid last week - quite a rambling bit of nothing actually. I may edit it and publish it - or I may not. We will see how that goes. For now. G'night
~ K
It's been an ever so interesting day...ummm week. Lets work backwards shall we.
Today was a very long day (hense the Merlot) and I'm so hoping the children will cease their unwillingness to sleep - soon! Al & Aarica, Shelley & I finally pulled back into the yard after a very long day in 'the beach' around 7:30 tonight. After a long frusterating day, Shelley finally got the parts needed to somewhat fix the big truck and she brought Aarica with her to the beach at 6pm tonight to help us finish up the last of the route. At one point Shelley threatened to pull start the truck, drive it into the city and through the display window of the dealership where we bought it (it's not the first time she's threatened to bring the truck back to them in a dramatic way...one of these days they are gonna call the cops on 'that crazy red-head' LOL) Anyway, as you can figure by now, the 'big truck' pitched a hissy...much like it's driver, and took most of the day off. I went in at 1:00 to take over for Garrett who worked the morning with Al. I was so impressed that they had finished all of Al's route by then. I spent the morning at home unexpectedly and for much of it I wasn't sure if I'd be heading into work at any moment so I really didn't accompish much around here while I was waiting for the big truck to be fixed. While I waited though, I did spend a half an hour on the phone with a psychologist. The title of my post was going to be " And the Pshychologist said......" Actually, it was going to be " Is it bad when a Psychologist says I think you are long overdue for some help?" but that was too long. Seriously though, that's what he said at one point. LOL It was a nice conversation and I'm actually looking forward to meeting him tomorrow afternoon. I hope I can talk as easily to him in person as I did over the phone today. Why the phychologist's phone call and subsequent appointment? Because I fell to pieces in the dr's office on Thursday and begged for help dealing with the teen mood-swing queen.... and our dr sent a consult over to the adolescent psychologist across the hall from him and boom there it is - the phone call of hope. One thing he said to me on the phone -" I don't think I can fix everything but I can help you deal with things alot better." Sounds good to me! For the first time in a long time I feel like there is someone in a professional capacity that 'gets where I'm coming from' and understands me and is willing to help in any way he can. Yipeeee. I'm kinda glad I was at home when he called and was able to take the time to actually talk to him, which wouldn't have been the case had the truck not broken down first thing this morning. Do things happen for a reason? Let's not push it that far. I'm not exactly willing to say that the words Truck Fire will ever ever ever be a good thing. They put it out with the fire extinguisher before I knew anything about it but still - not a good way to start out a Monday morning.....especially at 7 in the morning. At least I'd had a swallow or two of coffee before Garrett tossed that bit of news my way. Maybe if I'd gotten to sleep before 1am (darn girl and her fear of thunder storms) it might not have taken 2-3 attempts to explain what was going on outside for me to actually clue in. LOL
Well, Merlot and I did a pretty fine job of this post I think, but it's definately time to call it a night. I'll elaborate on the Dr's appointment and events leading up to that tomorrow when I have more time on my almost-day-off. I also have a post from mid last week - quite a rambling bit of nothing actually. I may edit it and publish it - or I may not. We will see how that goes. For now. G'night
~ K
Friday, May 16, 2008
A man's home may be his castle but....
to my son, a dog kennel is his castle.
I spotted him as I passed by an upstairs window yesterday afternoon. I raced downstairs to get my camera and back upstairs to catch some pics on the sly. Honestly I was laughing so hard I'm surprised the pictures turned out so clear. He was just sitting in that kennel talking to himself but I was too high up and couldn't hear what he was saying. Then Aarica came out the back door and he turned to look at her, reached over and closed the kennel door as if to keep her out. It was so funny I couldnt' stop laughing. Eventually he got out of the kennel and ran across the yard - a boy on a mission, but by the time I got downstairs and outside he was back in there and quite happily posed for some closeups of him inside. He even answered a few quick interview questions (i like to get a glimps inside that mind of his every once in awhile. it's quite entertaining)
mom: Owen sweetie, what are you doing in the kennel?
owen: playing (duh!)
mom: Cool. Who are you today? a tiger, a bear - an armoured bear? (he's big on The Golden Compass right now and he wants to be an armoured bear)
owen: No. I'm Bowser and this is my castle. (I dont' think he get's it that Bowser - from MarioBros for those not Nintendo savy, is a badguy)
Whoever said tv and video games squash a childs creativity has never had a conversation with my son. He can play for hours like this. (Honestly, this was the longest I'd seen him since he got home from school 3hours earlier) He doesnt' necessarily have an imaginary friend like his brother did at his age but he makes up games and stories with all the characters from his favorite movies and tv shows and games. He's got quite the collection of 'friends' and they play some pretty interesting things together. Some days he's a tiger or a dog, some days he's an armoured bear or a MarioBros character or Ron Stopable or any number of characters.
Often times I find myself asking 'where does this kid get this stuff from' and i'll admit sometimes it's a spinoff of something he's seen on tv or a video game but other times it's straight out of that head of his. Last week he told me that he wouldn't be home on Friday because he was performing his Sword Dance in Montreal. He said it matter of factly, like it was no big deal. To him, Montreal is just a name he's heard (probably from hockey) so he know's it's an actual place he could go to and well the sword dance thing - that's just wishful thinking because the older dancers do one and he wants to be just like them. He's one funny little kid.
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