The one where I wimper slightly and then sigh heavily

Ya know that job.

The one that's come up two or three times in as many years. The one I've been wanting for ages. The one I finally got up the nerve to apply for (actually...the secretary called me the day applications closed and said - are you NOT applying for this job??? and then she insisted that I get my application emailed in before 9am two days later - since it was a holiday the following day nobody would be looking at them till Wednesday morning....so get busy and get it in because I have a good chance of getting it!) It's the job I got a call about last Thursday and interviewed for last Friday. The interview went pretty well and I got to play with the coolest software package and create a poster with. I was told I'd hear about the position early this week. Everytime the phone rang I jumped....AND answered it - throwing caution to the wind and taking my chances that it would be a stupid telemarketer just calling to annoy me. By Thursday I'd all but forgot about incoming calls and who might be on the line since the phone rang off the dang hook all day - customer after customer booking jobs etc and then the voice on the line said the words I'd been waiting for. It was a call about the job. The job I did not get. *wimper*

I've been so nervous about this whole job thing. Do I seriously have time for it? Don't I have enough on my plate as it is? I wasn't sure of the answers to either of those quiestions but I so wanted this job. Not just because the job itself is so "me" but also because I wanted so much to have something for me - that has nothing to do with my home/family/businesses and just work for someone else for a change and this part-time job fit that perfectly. I was scared that I wouldn't get it but also terrified that I would. I'm disapointed....but not too disapointed - if that makes any sense. *sigh* a sigh of disapointment. *sigh* a sigh of relief.

I was told, both on the phone as well as in a very nice letter that the decision was very very difficult and that my application would be kept on file for a few months and that the job comes available quite frequently (being a term position and all) and they hope I apply again since they were very impressed with me. So while I didn't get the job, I don't feel like a total loser and maybe one day I'll get this job afterall and maybe that will be when the timing is better and my plate isn't quite so full (a girl can dream).