That Girl! That Girl! She just exasperates me to the end of my sanity!
I'm feeling entirely embarassed right now and feel the need to phone my friend (hope she's still my friend) Joy in the morning and appologize repeately for the actions of my 16 year old daughter tonight.......who might not make it to 17 if she makes me any more crazy! Heck she might not make it to see the light of day.
Now I get that parenting a teen is in no way easy but seriously I'm at a loss. Parenting a teen is one thing. Parenting a teen who lives on a totally different wave length and learning curve is an entirely different bag of marbles. I think I dropped my marbles. Excuse me while I go round them up.
Ok
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I'm sure I missed a few but I'm back.
Let's talk about telephone ettiquette and more importantly a lack thereof, shall we.
Last year the school resource coordinator suggested providing instruction on basic skills such as how to look up numbers in the phone book. I used my Power of Veto on that suggestion and I had my reasons.
I'll put this bluntly and it probably wont' be 'politically correct' but my daughter has stalker tendancies with no concept of ettiquette. Just because you know someone and somehow have their phone number doesn't mean you have to call them - especially without a reason. Yes, learning to properly use a phone book is a good skill to have....but not before you've mastered the ettiquette of using a telephone properly or any ettiquette really- stalking people makes them uncomfortable. We were still working on face to face social ettiquette never-mind over the phone. Baby Steps!
Up until recently, the telephone is.....well..... it's been off limits. As in don't touch it. Ever. Without permission. And since asking for permission to do things is not what The Girl does best.....we took to hiding the phones *don't judge me.....the need for survival (of one's sanity) leads you to ideas that might not be great but get you through. We were picking our battles at that time and learning phone ettiquette wasn't high on the battle plan. The past 6 months though she'd matured a bit and now has a few friends and a *gasp, choke* The Boyfriend so using the telephone is something that, as a teenager, shouldn't be denied to her - that and since she has free access to the phone at school (don't even ask. that's a battle in itself) we've had no choice but to address the situation and meet it head on. Besides - the girl can sniff out a hidden phone (2 cordless and 3 cell phones in our house) with the determination of a bloodhound on a hot trail and if you let your guard down for a minute she'll scoop up a phone and disappear.
Oh look
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.the cat found another marble
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.and is batting it around the dining room.
Now where were we. Oh yes. Telephone Ettiquette and My Blood Pressure.
In hindsight I wish we'd stuck to the original battle plan and veto'd the whole damn idea because I think we've taught her telephone skills in the wrong order. Who, What, Where, When, Why and How. The HOW is last on that list.....for a very good reason. Dang. Too late to unlearn the How now. It's the one skill she picked up easily. The rest is a crap-shoot.
These are some of the things we have been working on.
WHO: Who do you call.? You can't just call anyone. Just because you know them and have their number doesn't mean you can or should call them (other kids from school that I know don't really want to talk to her). Don't call other people looking for mom or dad. If they didn't answer when you called them - too bad!
WHAT & WHERE: What phone are you using to call from and where is the person you are calling? Cell phone minutes cost money. Long distance is SO not an option except with parental supervision (one of her friends moved away so it's an
occasional treat...and that phone number is well hidden - bloodhounds couldn't even find it) and for a brief amount of time. Don't call someone at work - mom & dad are busy working and other people's boss might not like them getting calls at work so don't do it.WHEN: (Similar to where) When do you call someone?- Don't call mom & dad while they are at work. They are WORKING! You may call home from school while on a break or at lunch but not during class time. You may call mom when she is out to ask permission to do something - I'd rather you ask permission than do something you aren't allowed (but DON'T call to ask me something I've already told you that you can't do)
WHY: Why are you calling? You need a reason to call someone. Think about what you are going to ask or tell the person BEFORE you dial. Is this something important that cannot wait until you see them?
HOW: Knowing what number you are dialing and the basic skills of dialing properly.
I thought it was a pretty good list of the Do's and Do NOT's. I was wrong. Way Wrong. This past week has proven that I've missed some key points and there is much work to do to reinforce the ones I've thought of. Some examples that lead me to this ephiphany:
We need to reinforce all the rules about calling mom & dad (and
others) at work. You don't call mom and dad at work while you are at home
because schools are closed due to an ice storm to ask (repeatedly) when
they will be home because I don't know when we will be home and I told you
that the FIRST time you called. Also, don't call any of the other
staff members when mom or dad stop answering their phones to ask them why
we aren't answering our phones.We need to reinforce the "one phone call" rule and add what to
do if there is no answer and when it is appropriate to call
back later. When someone (The Boyfriend) doesn't
answer their cell phone after you've called over and over and over
again 8 times in under a minute and then call his parents house
and when he answers yell at him for not answering his cell (that's
just plain rude and has nothing to do with phone ettiquette) AND to begin with
you shouldn't be calling repeatedly over and over and over.
And that leads us to what made my head spin around and explode tonight
We definately need to expand the "when to call" rules to include time of
day because...
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you DO NOT EVER call someone such as The Boyfriend at his parents house or on
his cell at 10:45 at night!!!!! I thought she'd gone to bed but infact she was sitting in the living room watching the hockey game (which was fine). Then I heard her voice asking if The Boyfriend was there. I'm not lying when I say my head spun around and my blood pressure spiked dangerously high. I'm sure whoever answered the phone could hear me screaming at her from across the house --- and I'll bet the
neighbours 1/4 mile away heard me too.
If you call me in the next little while and I don't answer - it's not because I'm screening calls (unless of course I owe you ooodles of money...in which case I probably am screening your call) it's because both cordless phones and all three cell phones are locked in the safety deposit box and I can't get it unlocked fast enough to answer.
As for what to do about The Girl. You got me, cuz she doesn't seem to have a clue why my blood pressure is so high I'm dizzy.
Hey
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another marble!
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