whew...what a day

I got slightly sidetracked earlier ( surprised? didn't think so)

then got to work. Ugh! Too much math. I couldn't think straight and my books weren't adding up. Took all afternoon but found the errors.

and I had one way huge panic attack (slightly due to lack of having a smoke to smoke but not completely)

and a couple minor meltdowns (complete with tears)

but I made it through my day and finished the government paperwork I had to finish and I made it all the way through all that math without a smoke. My frazzled nerves couldn't take it anymore though and I begged Al to bring me a pack of which he is now in charge of so I won't be able to smoke em cuz I got em.

I'm happy I found where the 'missing' money was.....unfortunately it wasn't in the place I'd hoped it would be (like the other column!) and I underpaid the government a few times over the year and geesh, where am I gonna find that $168.36.

There were a few moments when I thought of putting all the financial stuff through the paper shredder and mailing it all to the Governor General in lieu of a cheque and telling the government where they could stick it all.

It's very hard emotionally and mentally, doing all this stuff for a business that doesn't exist anymore.

Next week........ we do the GST !

I can't freakin wait!

Would u believe me if I said...I was confused?

Really.

I am.

I could have swore I wrote a new post (or at least started one) for today only I can't find it. Maybe I just imagined I wrote it....but I'm sure I really did. I wonder what it said.....because I can't for the life of me remember now. That's actually why I blog - because I can't remember what I did or thought on any given day and I love writing things down but paper just doesn't work for me.

I have a love hate relationship with paper.

My whole house is cluttered with the stuff. Everything from pretty (neglected) scrapbook papers and notebooks and post-it-notes, kids art projects and stories and song lyrics (oh boy are there pages and pages of half written song lyrics EVERYWHERE!) and bills and accounting files and more bills and junk mail and more bills. The purpose of blogging was to have a place to write, sans paper clutter, where I wouldn't loose things.....and now I've gone and lost a half written blog post.

How ironic.

I'm pretty sure the missing blog post had something to do with money. I have a love hate relationship with that stuff too. I'd love to have some and hate that I don't. Simple as that.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Missing blog post.

It might have had something to do with Al's first paycheque from his new job which was direct deposited overnight and is now sitting in my bank account - briefly....this months van payment will take care of a good chunk of it. Maybe it was about that. I don't really remember....I should write these things down.

Maybe it was about my not smoking.....but probably not because that's not going so well. But I'm working on it.

Doubt it's about my getting a job because as I said before....nobody's beating down my door to hire me ---- although 2 hours after I said that the first time, I did get a call about a possible job that might be available in the next few weeks. I'm not sure I really want the job but if the store I put an application into doesn't pan out in the next 3 weeks (I called yesterday to check on the situation and was told it would be at least 3 weeks before they are hiring) or so and I do get offered this other job I might just have to suck it up and take it.

Whatever it was about. It's gone now - so this one will have to take it's place. I might even come back later and write an afternoon post. But for now, my time is up and I must go. I've got the whole house to myself today and I'm going to make the best of it and tackle my To Do list I-Think-I-Might list.

~K

It was a different kind of Monday

It was so weird not to have to go to work Monday morning and I realize now I didn't get that tense, anxious 'grrrr...I have so much other stuff to do and don't want to work tomorrow' feeling on Sunday night like I usually do. There was a brief moment when I pulled back into the yard after taking the kids to school (because it was the first day back after a week off and nobody was quite capable of pulling themselves together enough first thing in the morning to be ready for the bus) that I looked at the two trucks parked in my driveway and felt a slight pang. They looked so lonely and forgotten - those two trucks - sitting there - with no place to go and nothing to do. We left them sitting there in their parking spots while we went for breakfast without them.


Breakfast was weird too. Weird to not be sitting there in layers of work clothes (the waitress even commented that we looked so different this morning). Weird not to have a table full of chatter while we ate. Weird not to have to eat and run. After we'd been there over our usual hour and I got fidgety - we don't should be gone already. Weird driving around after breakfast watching someone else do our work but it was slightly enjoyable knowing how much they had left to do yet and how far 'behind' they were.

Al did much better with his first monday off than I thought he would. He didn't pace at all and didn't really stress about it like I thought he would. I'm liking this 'New Al'. He's much more easy-going lately and I like it. I like that he's enjoying going into work at his new job and I'm loving all the hours he's been getting - although a few more would be nice and it would make my budget a little less tight.

All in all the day was good - except for the not smoking part....which isn't going terribly well but not horrible either. I finished off my last pack early in the day and put on a patch and only had a couple anxious moments. I did pick up another pack and admit I had one or two throughout the evening but I didn't have an urge to scratch anyone's eyes out ---- much.

Today hasn't been quite as good. I am a stress smoker and there's definately a little bit of stress round these parts but I'm doing better than I thought I would. Blog posts will probably be fewer this week just because sitting at the computer is when I find I want a smoke the most so I'm avoiding sitting here very much. I have some other projects to occupy my time, including installing the flooring we picked up last night.

~K

I quit - NOT

There are a bunch of us who planned to quit smoking on the 1st of April.

I wonder how everyone else is doing because I totally quit quitting before I even started.

What was I thinking? Quitting smoking the week the kids are on spring break. That's got to be the stupid idea ever thought of.

Seriously didn't think that one through AT ALL.

For everyone's safety I decided I wasn't even going to make the attempt until they went back to school next week. I'm fairly certain at least 1 if not more of them wouldn't make it out of here alive.

I'd love to pay $200 and go through a laser treatment / detox program. A friend of mine did it 8 weeks ago and said it was a great way to do it and worth every penny. Unfortunately I will be once again trying the patch. I've had a box for a couple weeks already and I was planning on April 1st as my quit day but they will sit in the cupboard for a few more days and on Monday morning I will slap on a patch and I will quit! I will do it!

The last time I tried this, I went about 6 days before I lost my mind couldn't take it anymore. My hubby did way better than I did and he hasn't smoked since the 3rd of October '07. I'm so jealous. I want to quit so bad and yet part of me is hanging onto this one thing in my life that keeps me sane in all this insanity.

But it's time.

And I WILL DO IT THIS TIME!

I will.

I have to.

I can.

But I'm scared!



~K