I have the day off tomorrow and

I just can't get excited about it.

Isn't that just plain crazy.

I don't know if it has to do with not wanting to get my hopes up that I will get anything accomplished tomorrow

or that I'm so tired that all I really want to accomplish is sleeping in till 8am -- which won't happen since Aarica has to be at work at 8 and she wants me to wake her early so she can shower and I can braid her hair before work

or that as much as I physically need this day off my brain keeps thinking about the huge order that needs to be done at work tomorrow....which isn't my problem since it's my day off.....but my brain says there's work to be done and it's still coming to terms with the whole 'not self-employed so there are other people to do things when you aren't there' idea. Plus one of the staff in our department called in sick today(and is being tested for that horrible flu....pray it's negative) and we are so very short staffed to begin with so my brain keeps thinking that's it's problem too....which it isn't. Eventually I'll stop thinking like the 'boss lady' right?

Mostly though I keep thinking that I can't afford a day off. I picked up my pay-stub today and realized that even though I feel like I'm working tons of hours in reality they aren't as many as I thought and my cheque is a little smaller than I'd hoped it would be this week. Darn hives cost me a day of work and since I've only been there a little over a month I don't qualify for 'sick days' ..... which I wasn't even expecting to get until someone brought it up at work today. The whole 'sick day' thing is a totally new experience for me....being self-employed for so long I'd forgotten about such luxuries in life as a 'sick day'.

So instead of planning what I will do tomorrow.....things like cleaning the house, having coffee with my mom, playing with scrapbook paper (hahahah....a girl can dream), doing some very much needed paperwork or a million and a half other things I could do, I'm not going to plan anything and just wing it and roll with whatever comes my way --- that way I won't be disapointed when I don't get to do all the things I want to or need to.

Actually I'm just too tired to make any plans tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll be more excited about my day off but for right now - as long as my day includes a nap at some point then I'll be happy.


~K

Do you feel neglected?

Well don't take it personally dear blog readers - - - you aren't the only ones.

I'm working on correcting that.

I've actually started a few blog posts in the last couple weeks with such titles as

'They only ate cereal for supper once this week' (see I'm working on correcting the neglect of my children too)

and

' The ants came marching two by two' and maybe if the ants would stop walking across my keyboard and giving me the heebie jeebies I might be more inclined to sit at the computer more often. (I'm working on the neglect of the house too....spent all day today doing just that - for all the progress that excercise in futility got me) not that the ant issue is entirely due to the trail of food crumbs and granola bar wrappers and half eatten hotdogs my children leave behind them but also the house itself. It screams 'hey ants....i'm an old wooden house with nooks and cracks and issues just perfect for your inhabitation' Darn House! Darn Kids! Darn Ants!

and

'Someone Erased My Whiteboard!' which resulted in my almost neglecting to deligate what little inflow of cash into this house there is towards the right bill at the right time.

So see, I'm not singling you out in the neglect department. I'm an equal opportunity neglector.

I'm slowly adjusting to life as a working mom. Now that school's out for the summer it's gotten a bit easier....or harder? I haven't decided which. I think easier because there isn't that frenzied rush to get everyone up and out the door for the bus just minutes before I have to leave for work. I'm also getting the hang of my job so I don't feel so out of my element and that is helping with my mental exhaustion. Physically, with having to pick Al up at midnight during the week, I'm still not getting enough sleep but my body is totally adjusting and I find that even on my days off or on days I get more than 6 hours of sleep I'm waking up automatically anyway. Darn internal clock has been reset and now I'm a morning person. Oh the horror!

I have had a few extra days to catch up on much needed sleep lately too. With the Canada Day holiday this week I somehow managed to have two days off mid-week plus two days off this weekend so I'm feeling a little less tired than I have been. There was also an unscheduled day off a week ago when I was sent home from work 'sick' and the medication I eneded up on knocked me right out so I got plenty of sleep - not that I felt better for it. The whole episode was quite nerve wracking and involved a 'severe allergic reaction' to something. Over the course of two days I developed a wicked case of hives that eventually spread to my ears/face/eyes/lips and were making their way to my throat (scarey!!!!) I ended up spending 3hours in the ER where they injected me with hydrocortisone and sent me home with a prescription and instructions to take benadryl (knocked me on my ass that stuff did!). By the next day I was hive-free, steroid full and back at work and still have no clue what the cause was. I can't say I'm a fan of the unknown in this case and would feel alot better about the whole thing if I knew why it happened in the first place. I have my suspicions (3-4 possible suspects) but without it happening again (not a huge fan of that idea either) the doc says we won't know. Geesh. And ya wanna know what my first thoughts were after the initial scare was over.......that it cost me a day of work and the price of the prescription. Darn Hives!

Money's still tight but we are managing and once we get a few more paycheques (hopefully without anymore unscheduled, hive-induced lost days) into the bank and caught up on some bills things will be even better. We managed to sell off one small piece of equipment at exactly the right time as it bought us a little time with the leasing company (and I was able to make the first monthly payment towards Tyler's trip with 24hours to spare --- whew!)

Tyler's picked up a second job with quite a few more hours so I'm confident he will be able to come up with almost if not all of this months payment. We even got some big news tonight that Aarica is starting a summer job tomorrow morning working at a daycamp with a woman that used to be an EA at her school so I'm confident she will be in good hands and have a wonderful summer. Of course, while it's great both kids have summer jobs, it makes scheduling a bit more tricky for everyone but with the help of family to cover the overlap between when Al and Tyler start work at 4 and I finish work at 5, things seem to be falling into place.

Well. I'm sure there's been more stuff happening around here lately. Visits from family. Family fun. Pictures of everyone. Weird/funny/bizzare stories etc but my phone alarm just went off reminding me it's time to go pick up Al (you fall asleep and forget to pick him up once...okay twice and he gets all snarky) so I guess my blog time is up.

Miss ya'll

Update your blogs too so I know what you are up to.

~K

Recreating Normal

It's a work in progress and the adjustment period is proving hard on us all but we are surviving.

Last week was a little tricky and we made it through our first schedule conflict with only minor issues.

I worked Thursday, Friday & Saturday all day. Al worked Thursday and Friday evenings and was supposed to have Saturday off. This would have been great --- had it worked out that way especially since Emily had handed out birthday party invitations early in the week for her Saturday afternoon/evening party. Unfortunately, one of the kids that Al works with decided he wasn't working his shift that Saturday so Al was going to have to work it and wouldn't be around for Emily's party. Luckily they were able to switch some things around and Al didn't have to work that day BUT he did have to attend a training course all morning so we had to scramble for a sitter, borrow a car and make a few last minute changes to Emily's party. In the end it all worked out fine - but it was a very long day for both of us.

We have quickly realized that asap we will need a 2nd vehicle because we've both become extremely exhausted purely due to the lack of another car. I'm having to stay up late to pick him up from work and he's having to get up early to drive me to work. Sleep is a rare commodity around here lately.

Since the earliest I'm off work is 5pm and by the time I pick up a few groceries if we need them, walk to get the van, go check on my mom and get home, the kids are on their own for about 2 hours after school. Except for Tuesday when Emily got hurt and Tyler ended up calling his friends mom to come help him stop the bleeding, things have been going fairly well. Unfortunately, by the time I get home and get supper made I'm beyond exhausted. Too exhausted to read any of my fav blogs nevermind write one (or two). Both my blogs, like my house have been extremely neglected lately. Sunday I had the day off, but there was so much else to do and I was so tired that computer time was just not happening either - especially with the kids home and having to share (darn Webkins...Emily got 3 for her birthday and spent her birthday money from Gramma on a 4th)

Monday and Tuesday I barely survived work. I haven't been feeling well and by the time I got home Tuesday and dealt with the aftermath of Emily's injury and got everyone fed (they almost got cereal for supper that night) I ended up falling asleep on the couch before the kids even went to bed. It's a good thing Al thought to send me a text message around 11:30 or I wouldn't have been awake to pick him up at midnight. By Wednesday I was so sick it was a good thing I had the day off because I spent most of the day on the couch watching a Dog the Bounty Hunter marathon. What a waste of a day off - especially one that Al had off too. I'm feeling almost human today, which is good because now Al's asleep on the couch. He's tired and hurting. Last night was the first ball game of the season and those old knees of his are not happy. I'm sure he's not the only one in a little pain today (how's the arm Carrie?)

Today is my 2nd day off in a row, which I'm sure will be rare - having more than one day off at a time. That is another thing that's taking some getting used to. Being self-employed for 14 years we've been spoiled by being able to most of the time schedule work around life. That party's over. I was going to request the Sunday that Tami, James and little Rowan will be out to visit from Hamilton off but when I looked at the request sheet earlier this week, that particular day is full of names. I didn't even bother adding mine. There's just no way I'll win that one. I'm hoping they will be out here for quite awhile that day so I can see them after work. Al's work schedule is even more restrictive than mine in many ways. With him working evenings, he'll be missing out on many things he wants to do - like Kareoke this Saturday or having to leave his cousins birthday bbq early. I just hope he gets to play ball most weeks --- although I'm sure his knees are hoping otherwise.

My Saturday Scrapping Girls are also having to come to terms with the fact that my Saturdays belong to someone else now (no hope of getting any Saturdays off until maybe later in the fall). So, the girls have already booked the hall without me for the end of June. Maybe if I'm still alive at 5 that day I might stop by but can't see being able to stay and play. This working thing also puts an end to the idea of my heading out to Dryden this weekend to scrapbook with Kat. So sad because before I got this job Al had said 'to heck with not being able to afford it - just GO!' *sigh* Another time I guess.

Right now my goal is to get things running a little smoother and hopefully after a few more weeks of this new routine things will get easier. My body will adjust to mornings (ugh...I'm so not a morning person) and being on my feet 8.5 hours a day and the kids will realize that chores are not suggestions but requirements because their housekeeping staff (that's me) is way too freakin exhausted to do it all.....and having that paycheque will make paying bills a whole lot easier too. My very first one should be in my bank account at midnight tonight. Whoohoo! It will be small - only 3 days, but oh so very much needed. Hopefully in a couple weeks we won't need to use Tyler's paycheques to help cover the basics. Nothing feels worse than having to use your 15 yr old sons' money to pay bills and buy groceries. It's worse than having to get hampers from the food bank....which reminds me....need to go get dressed and get to town. I have an appointment to pick one up in an hour. I was going to have a nap first but lost this entire post and had to start over. Sometimes blogging takes priority over sleep - at least it did today. Tomorrow it might not though so if I don't 'see' you for a day or two it's because I fell asleep.


Gotta run. Knock at the door - yet another person asking about those trucks. Somebody might just buy one of them one of these days. Keep your fingers crossed....because that would make like even easier on all of us!

~K

I can see clearly now

Look how sharp and visible you all are to me now that there aren't dozens of wavey lines running across the screen......or a huge grey shadow through the middle. Who'd have thunk it.

Of course I guess I could have walked my little old self into the living room days ago and got the brand new monitor that's been attached to a very rarely used, really, really old, noisey computer that is of little use to me since it has no internet capabilities. Seriously. What good is a computer that doesn't do the net? Dust collector is what it is.

Bet you thought you'd all been replaced by GameCube again.

Nope. Just been lazy and trying to keep from losing my mind.

We had a pretty quiet long weekend. About the only exciting thing that happened was the 2-3 people that stopped by to look at the trucks....which still aren't sold and even with the interest I don't see it happening any time soon. The one guy that is very interested is digging in his heels because of the age of the equipment. *Sigh* He wants to lease it and I'm leary of even trying to make something like that an option. I can understand his position but honestly I'd take 30yr old equipment over something new anyday.....it's built to last not like disposable stuff they make these days. Oh well. We'll see what the rest of the week brings.

In the mean time, I'm way crazy-busy. We've kind of adjusted to this whole 'Al working evenings' thing and thankfully dancing and bowling are both done for the year which is a good thing because we now have a new 'activity' to work into the schedule. ME WORKING.

That's right. Finally. That job is in the bag and I start tomorrow.

So far I think my hours will work pretty well for us.....if you consider my not ever seeing my husband again a bonus. For the next 3 days I work 8:30 to 5 and he works 4-midnight most days. Basically we will have the 10minute ride in the morning when he drives me to work and the 10minute ride home when I pick him up at midnight to 'visit'. Doesn't that sound like a marriage made in heaven. We worked alternating shifts like this for about 6 months many many years ago. I'm a little worried. After those 6 months I was switched to day-shift just like he worked........and we ended up with our oldest child. We won't be making that mistake again. 3 more kids later we figured out what caused them and put a stop to it.

I'm super excited in a 'maybe we won't starve' kind of way. Hopefully in a month or so I'll even be thinking 'maybe we can pay some bills' frame of mind too. That would rock.

I'm kinda nervous but I know a lot of the people I'll be working around and with so that helps.....kinda.....there's this one guy that works there.....I've worked with him before....or rather he worked for me. It was torture. I sure hope I don't run into him very often. Although I've heard he's rather well behaved at his 'real' job and just came to work with me for entertainment. I really think he thought it was sport to try and scare me or freak me out. LOL I will never look at squirels the same ever again. I don't know how his wife puts up with him and his sense of humor.


That's it for now. If I'm alive at the end of my shift tomorrow I might have the energy to post.

Okay - so I threw out his winter boots but

THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!





Just because, as I was tossing them in the trash yesterday, I said aloud...."watch, we'll get 3ft of snow now" does not make me responsible for what happened overnight.

Honestly, if I thought I had that much control over what goes on around me I'd be buying a lottery ticket and saying something like....."watch, we'll win 3million dollars now".

I'll let you know if that happens and if it does then yes, I will take the blame for the snow but until then, this one ain't on me.

I personally blame the school.

And field trips.

The field trip scheduled for Wednesday was cancelled due to weather - in the form of massive, ark worthy amounts of rain.

It was rescheduled for today and I doubt the grade 1 classes will be heading out to the snake dens to see the red-sided garter snakes today either. I'm pretty sure snakes don't dig the snow anymore than I dig them.

This is my 4th child to make the annual 1st grade trek out to the snake dens and each year they ask "mom, will you be a parent volunteer on the field trip" and each year I pass on the opportunity. Actually it's more like an 'over my dead body' sort of reply. Sorry. Not my thing kids. Go watch Anaconda with your father and leave me alone.

I get the heebie-geebies just thinking about wigglie little snakes. When Emily went on her trip to the dens one of the father's took amazing photos and I was fortunate (?) enough to receive a bunch which I scrapbooked. That was hard enough seeing my little girl holding a snake in a photo. Don't think I could have handled it in person.

Enough about snakes. Ewwww. Ick.

Back to the weather. Ewwww. Ick.

So there's this creek in my backyard. Flooded like crazy this spring. It's been a couple weeks since I'd taken a walk down there so I went wandering Tuesday night and took some updated water level pictures. I'm so glad I did because the sky opened up in the wee hours of that night and it poured buckets for a good portion of the day on Wednesday.

The "before" on the left, taken on Tuesday afternoon and the "after" on the right taken on Wednesday afternoon following about 12hours of heavy rainfall.

Aside from the weather sucking so did pretty much everything else.

I spent a lot of time - just me, myself and my gamecube on the couch this week avoiding everything, everyone and the endless phone calls from 1-800, credit card companies, the dentist, the truck leasing company etc. Adding to my crappy week was Al repeatedly saying things like "Are you going to get dressed today? Are you going to go to town today? Ae you going to call about that job today? Are you going to call back about that job today? ARGH!!!!

I did call. I did talk to someone and things looked good but when she didn't call back the next day or the day after he started again "Are you going to call again about that job today? Maybe you should call so and so about a different job"

Add to that the phone calls from people telling me about all the new people being trained at the store where I've been hoping to get hired or worse yet going into the store and seeing for myself all the trainees. It was depressing and I didn't want to leave my couch......so I didn't unless absolutely necessary. That's right. I admit it. I spent alot of time on the couch looking for spaceship parts and trying not to get all my little alien friends killed in the process. Nintendo Pikmin is WAY addictive. 4:30 in the morning addictive. Opppps. Kinda slept in and the kids missed the bus once ---- okay twice (the 2nd time it wasn't because of the gamecube though) this week.

Anyway. The week was kind of a bust. Laundry. Pikmin. Ignoring phonecalls. Moping around and feeling like crap. Even last night I was in no way thrilled at being forced off my couch to attend a bowling banquet but since Al was working I had no option.

BUT

While picking up a few things at the store for the banquet the week suddenly got a whole lot better. The girl from the store who I'd talked to early in the week and was supposed to hear back from and didn't spotted me and came over to talk. And just like I thought - she'd been really busy and just hadn't had a chance to get back to me (and all Al's fussing and stressing and making me feel 2 inches tall and like I wasn't going to get this job at all was for nothing) and right then and there we made arrangements for me to start probably wednesday of next week.

Whoooo Hoooo!

I'm so excited.

I still don't know what exactly I'll be doing or what sort of hours I'll have but I'm ((((this close)))) to having a job and the relief is just unbelievably wonderful.

And today...... I still spent some time on the couch playing gamecube and I've realized it's not because I've been in a funk and didn't want to get off the couch.....it's because the game is just so damn fun. I can't wait till the kids go to bed so I can have my turn again....and Al works till 2 so I won't even have to share the tv with him. Heeeheeeheee.

Gonna go see if the kids want to go outside and make a snowman now. Anyone know where I packed the mittens?

Have a wonderful long-weekend.

~K

whew...what a day

I got slightly sidetracked earlier ( surprised? didn't think so)

then got to work. Ugh! Too much math. I couldn't think straight and my books weren't adding up. Took all afternoon but found the errors.

and I had one way huge panic attack (slightly due to lack of having a smoke to smoke but not completely)

and a couple minor meltdowns (complete with tears)

but I made it through my day and finished the government paperwork I had to finish and I made it all the way through all that math without a smoke. My frazzled nerves couldn't take it anymore though and I begged Al to bring me a pack of which he is now in charge of so I won't be able to smoke em cuz I got em.

I'm happy I found where the 'missing' money was.....unfortunately it wasn't in the place I'd hoped it would be (like the other column!) and I underpaid the government a few times over the year and geesh, where am I gonna find that $168.36.

There were a few moments when I thought of putting all the financial stuff through the paper shredder and mailing it all to the Governor General in lieu of a cheque and telling the government where they could stick it all.

It's very hard emotionally and mentally, doing all this stuff for a business that doesn't exist anymore.

Next week........ we do the GST !

I can't freakin wait!

Would u believe me if I said...I was confused?

Really.

I am.

I could have swore I wrote a new post (or at least started one) for today only I can't find it. Maybe I just imagined I wrote it....but I'm sure I really did. I wonder what it said.....because I can't for the life of me remember now. That's actually why I blog - because I can't remember what I did or thought on any given day and I love writing things down but paper just doesn't work for me.

I have a love hate relationship with paper.

My whole house is cluttered with the stuff. Everything from pretty (neglected) scrapbook papers and notebooks and post-it-notes, kids art projects and stories and song lyrics (oh boy are there pages and pages of half written song lyrics EVERYWHERE!) and bills and accounting files and more bills and junk mail and more bills. The purpose of blogging was to have a place to write, sans paper clutter, where I wouldn't loose things.....and now I've gone and lost a half written blog post.

How ironic.

I'm pretty sure the missing blog post had something to do with money. I have a love hate relationship with that stuff too. I'd love to have some and hate that I don't. Simple as that.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Missing blog post.

It might have had something to do with Al's first paycheque from his new job which was direct deposited overnight and is now sitting in my bank account - briefly....this months van payment will take care of a good chunk of it. Maybe it was about that. I don't really remember....I should write these things down.

Maybe it was about my not smoking.....but probably not because that's not going so well. But I'm working on it.

Doubt it's about my getting a job because as I said before....nobody's beating down my door to hire me ---- although 2 hours after I said that the first time, I did get a call about a possible job that might be available in the next few weeks. I'm not sure I really want the job but if the store I put an application into doesn't pan out in the next 3 weeks (I called yesterday to check on the situation and was told it would be at least 3 weeks before they are hiring) or so and I do get offered this other job I might just have to suck it up and take it.

Whatever it was about. It's gone now - so this one will have to take it's place. I might even come back later and write an afternoon post. But for now, my time is up and I must go. I've got the whole house to myself today and I'm going to make the best of it and tackle my To Do list I-Think-I-Might list.

~K

It was a different kind of Monday

It was so weird not to have to go to work Monday morning and I realize now I didn't get that tense, anxious 'grrrr...I have so much other stuff to do and don't want to work tomorrow' feeling on Sunday night like I usually do. There was a brief moment when I pulled back into the yard after taking the kids to school (because it was the first day back after a week off and nobody was quite capable of pulling themselves together enough first thing in the morning to be ready for the bus) that I looked at the two trucks parked in my driveway and felt a slight pang. They looked so lonely and forgotten - those two trucks - sitting there - with no place to go and nothing to do. We left them sitting there in their parking spots while we went for breakfast without them.


Breakfast was weird too. Weird to not be sitting there in layers of work clothes (the waitress even commented that we looked so different this morning). Weird not to have a table full of chatter while we ate. Weird not to have to eat and run. After we'd been there over our usual hour and I got fidgety - we don't should be gone already. Weird driving around after breakfast watching someone else do our work but it was slightly enjoyable knowing how much they had left to do yet and how far 'behind' they were.

Al did much better with his first monday off than I thought he would. He didn't pace at all and didn't really stress about it like I thought he would. I'm liking this 'New Al'. He's much more easy-going lately and I like it. I like that he's enjoying going into work at his new job and I'm loving all the hours he's been getting - although a few more would be nice and it would make my budget a little less tight.

All in all the day was good - except for the not smoking part....which isn't going terribly well but not horrible either. I finished off my last pack early in the day and put on a patch and only had a couple anxious moments. I did pick up another pack and admit I had one or two throughout the evening but I didn't have an urge to scratch anyone's eyes out ---- much.

Today hasn't been quite as good. I am a stress smoker and there's definately a little bit of stress round these parts but I'm doing better than I thought I would. Blog posts will probably be fewer this week just because sitting at the computer is when I find I want a smoke the most so I'm avoiding sitting here very much. I have some other projects to occupy my time, including installing the flooring we picked up last night.

~K

I need to go buy a new calendar....mine's broken!

Wow - talk about a reality check.

I received an email from one of my *not really a sister but the closest thing I've got* sisters last night. She invited me into the city for a 'sleep-over so we can catch up' night and I said to myself..... "Self. That sounds like damn good idea."

So I checked the calendar

and I discovered that the calendar hanging in my kitchen is obviously broken because there doesn't seem to be a single day

except maybe one

that might work

if I really try hard

in the next two weeks and the two after that don't hold much promise either.

Geesh! This working around two guys working different shifts at different gas stations and only having one vehicle is way tricky. Add to that various bowling and dancing committments and a weekend dance competition and then a weekend crop and my month is booked SOLID.

I don't have time to get a job.

Unfortunately that's not an option (not that people are beating down my door to hire me or anthing) but when the heck am I gonna squeeze a job into my crazy-busy life.

Besides.

I have all this blogging to do.


Seriously though....my calendar. It's broken. I think I need to go get me one of those really big wall size calendars because it's going to be insane trying to keep track of who needs to be where and when on the one I've got now.

And the kids wanted to sign up for soccer and baseball this spring. Snort. Ya....like I have the room on my calendar to write all that down, let alone the cash to pay for it. I think we'll pass on that for this year. Sorry guys.

The Grand Finale

It seems so fitting that since today is our very last day and our doors will be closed at the end of our run today..... to be immediately followed by the consumption of copious amounts of wine and whisky..... that this weekends Winnipeg Free Press colour comics included this comic strip of The Wizard of ID by Parker and Hart. We worked hard and did everything right and today we close the doors on 14 years of self-employment.


It's bittersweet. We are enjoying the whole experience of moving on to new things - aside from the whole 'how the heck do we pay the bills this month' thing. That's a wee bit scarey.

Some of the stress has been lifted by the news that Al's new minimum wage job, where initially he was told he would be guaranteed 'part-time' status which we figure would be about 20hours a week, is looking more and more promising with talk that he will be full-time with 40hours in the very near future. He trained in record time and they are all very happy with him. Life is good! Al's already looking and feeling so much better. He enjoys going to work. Life is good!

I figured out recently that with 40hours a week, even at minimum wage, the amount of money he will bring home at the end of 4 weeks is only slightly less than we he was bringing home in a month from our own business......and with a whole lot less stress. Life is good! It will be better once I find a job but we aren't in imminent danger of having to choose between satelite service or internet service.....or dinner service for that matter.

Hasn't this post been all cheery and positive. Life is good and all. Believe me, it's not all roses and champaign because there is still the pending doom of business debt and the desperate need to sell off equipment as quick as possible. Closing our doors is an emotional thing for us from a customer service perspective too. Sure our contract customers still have service through someone else but our private customers from all the free-lance work we did are left hanging. There is no one else providing this service to them and each time someone calls about a job and we have to turn them down it's a reminder of just what's been lost - for us and them. We'd been planning to expand the free-lance stuff more this year because the demand for it is there but without the contracts to support us, it just isn't possible. That's a hard thing to swallow, knowing a viable business has shut down at the hands of politicians for some unknown reason - be it political agenda or budget cuts. The only part of this that makes it a little easier to swallow is knowing that the local politicians are now taking the flack for putting us out of business....and yes....I do blame them and so do A LOT of other people. Political Suicide? I hope so!

Tomorrow's a new day.



~K

and then there was one

Only one day left. Today is officially done (well the work part of it) and there is only one more day left of our contract.

I'm COLD. Not a damn it's freaking cold out cold but a soaked to the skin, stepped in a ditch full of water up past my ankle, spent the day wearing dripping wet gloves/mitts x3 kind of cold.
Temperature wise it wasn't too bad. There were times it got a little nippy and I could see my breath but then it would warm up a bit and be okay. Somebody remembered to turn the rain making machine way down to it's lowest settting and I spent most of the day in a fine mist to slight drizzle which was just fine....would have preferred NONE at all but I am really really glad it didn't actually rain big fat drops like it was in the wee hours of the morning. Of course everything is covered in water so I got soaked anyway but at least it wasn't as bad as it could have been. And I know from experience it could have been way way worse and I'm glad it's over.

A funny thing happened today. I didn't see it personally, but I've been told that the crew that won the contract were following each of our trucks around for an hour or so today. Now I'm just gonna get up on my soapbox here for a quick minute and say...... hey dumb ass, you've undercut me and taken one of my contracts forcing me to give up my 2nd contract and go out of business and now you have the nerve to follow us around and see how we do it. Figure things out your own damn self and stop watching us. No wait. On second thought, I hope you did learn something by watching us. It's called customer service and your record isn't that great in that department so I hope you were paying close attention. My customers are used to top notch service and you'd better not give them anything less.

I really am glad there's only one day left - cuz I'm tired of it but I am going to miss it and all the people we've met over the years.

Aren't ya all gonna be so happy when I stop talking about garbage? LOL One more week.


~K

Dude Got A Job!!!

It's minimum wage but minimum wage is better than no wage (and really.....contrary to what everyone thinks about us as self-employed people....we've been living on minimum wage for a long time.)



He starts training on Friday and has 4 shifts in the next week - whew! Those 29hours he's already scheduled for are money in the bank and will cover April's van payment and then some.



Feeling slightly less stressed this afternoon.



Next....... it's my turn. Please oh please oh please!!! Let it be my turn soon!

Just Keep Swimming

Less than 24 hours from now the deadline closes for bids on our contract tender.

It's been an emotional few days.

People are conspiring against me and trying to convince my husband to bid. They are all going the right way for a smack bottom ( Shrek reference - disney/pixar makes them for all occasions) if they keep that up. Different people keep coming up with different reasons why we should bid and they are all valid but it would be financial & emotional suicide if we did....not that it isn't even if we don't. I so want off this roller coaster!

I told Al that if he does bid on it he'd better make the amount high - really, really high - because he's going to need a damn good divorce lawyer - and those ain't cheap!

I think we've both come to terms with the loss of a business we've worked damn hard to build and keep alive and that has supported our family for 14 years. It's a part of us. It's who we are and we take a lot of pride in it. I think we've both been feeling just slightly like we've failed. That we are giving up too easily - but we know deep down, it's time for a change. We've accepted that but it's still hard and emotional at times - like the past few days, as the tender deadline gets closer and closer. Tomorrow it's over .....and then we only have 2 more Mondays to finish up our obligation on our contract and then it's really over....at least the 'work' part is over. The financial mess will last for years to come I'm sure.

What we've yet to figure out is how we will dig ourselves out of this massive pile of debt the business has acquired over the years and we just aren't in a place to think about what to do about that at this point. We are focusing on the here and now - the day to day operating expenses and providing for our family but the looming loss of income is starting to take it's toll. Once one - or preferably both of us, finds jobs then I hope some of the pressure and stress will subside.

Our last pay cheque on the contract will be coming in at the end of the month. If we don't have personal income coming in before then, we will be facing some serious decisions. Our family's survival vs business expenses. I'd prefer to not have to take a personal pay cheque from the last contract cheque if at all possible so that we will have a bit of money in the bank to cover monthly truck payments & its' insurance until it's sold.....actually I'm terrified just thinking about how to cover those payments should the truck not sell quickly.

Find-a-happy-place! Find-a-happy-place! Find-a-happy-place!



On a positive spin - today rocked. The weather was PERFECT for working in. Not so cold I had to bundle up( t-shirt and a light sweater all day!) but for almost all of the day it was cool enough that the snow wasn't melty and slushy so I didn't get soaked PLUS I remembered to take Al's ipod so I got to listen to music all day which is a lot more fun than being alone on the back of the truck with nothing but the music in my head and my own thoughts to keep me company. I actually had fun....but not so much fun that I'd want to do keep doing it. 2 more Mondays!

When I Win the Lottery

One of the 'free-lance' jobs Al & I have been doing for almost a year now started out as construction clean up of debris around the building site of a new condo development. From there it moved to hauling away the construction garbage from inside the houses and also cleaning up after the trades and doing things like preping the subfloor so the flooring installers could come in and lay the carpet,vinyl and hardwood (take my advice - do not EVER install dark walnut hardwood flooring or cabinetry no matter how pretty it looks. It is evil to clean!) Lately we have been cleaning up the finished or almost finished units before open house events.

We've watched these 4 condo units grow from the ground up and we love them all. The floor plans are all awesome and Al loves the 8 ft ceilings in the basements (he hasn't hit his head on a light fixture yet....and I counted - in each house there are a minimum of 4 teleposts per basement ---- FOUR!)

I am particularly in love with the floor plan of the 3 bedroom show-home unit including the wall colours, cabinetry, flooring and all the staging fixtures. I'm seriously head over heels in love!

I love the kitchen!

The living/dining room!

The master bedroom and bath!

I seriously love everything about it....except cleaning it! Actually, cleaning the one unit isn't so bad. It's having to clean all 4 and having to clean up after the trades (who are messier than my kids in some ways). It took me 10+ hours not including the time it took to haul hot water and Al spent 6 hours cleaning the garages and basements and hauling away all the garbage.

Even with all that work though, I still love them and I want one so bad!

Some day. Some way. We will have one built on our property.

I hope.

The more we think about it the more and more it's what our goal is. The house we currently live in won't live forever - no question about that. How much longer is anybody's guess. These particular 'condo' houses seem to be the best option. They are duplex houses and the one we like has a 3bedroom unit on one side and a 2 bedroom unit on the other. We are fairly certain that Aarica will never live truely independantly but we are hopefull that one day she would be able to live with some supervision in one side of the house while we live in the other - then we would be close by but we would each have our own space. I don't know if this is a realistic goal but for now it's an idea - a hope - a dream. I think it's going to have to involve a lottery ticket or two too so I'd better start buying them.

~K

More Bordom Buster Rambling

What else has been going on around here?

Job Hunting. Fun Stuff Baby!

As I've mentioned Al's working on getting his Class 1 license. He wrote the first part of the written tests last week and passed with flying colours. People he's talked to have said that the first test is the harder of the two written tests so he's feeling pretty good. He writes the 2nd part next Thursday.

So far the total cost of him getting his class one is $10 each for the two written tests and $95 for the medical (someone else recently had this same form filled out with a different doctor who charged $125 so I'm not as ticked about the $95). The medical form still needs the eyesight portion filled in and since he'd have had to have an eye test for this medical I'll add the $65 charge from last months surprise at the optomitrist to the total. I'm sure there will be an added charge for filling in the medical form too. Once he's got his written tests done there is the road test to do which I believe is another $50.

That brings us to a grand total of $230 (minimum) that this license is going to cost and that's providing there are no more surprise 'fees' for forms and that he doesn't need an additional re-tests...which I'm sure he won't. He definately lacks some confidence that he knows what he's doing.... but he really does know what he's doing. I have faith that he will be the proud bearer of a Class 1 (with airbrakes) license very soon....and after spending all that money on this - it better result in a damn good paying job!

As for my road to employment. It feels more like a little dirt path at the moment but I'm hoping the path is leading to a sunny spot. I sent in a resume a couple weeks ago for a job that was advertised in the local paper and went on an interview for the job on Wednesday. I must have answered a zillion questions and probably took too much time to complete the computer tasks assigned to me but I think I did fairly well. I'm feeling over qualified for the job and yet seriously lacking experience for the job all at the same time. It's an odd feeling. I hope to hear soon if I get the job or not. I really really need it because this whole unemployment thing is way hard on the budget and I really really want it because the job itself sounds like it would be so awesome and honestly I think I'd love it and be pretty darn good at it. As jobs go, I don't think I could find one that would suit me more.

I recently found a card that one of our former customers sent us. We quite often get cards at Christmas time (along with treats of the baked or liquid kind) and this one had an added note written into it wishing us well in the New Year and hoping that as that door of our lives closes a new and better window will open up for us. We could both really use a boost to climb through that open window right about now and my getting this job could be just that boost.

The Circle of Consumer Life

Okay so we are going to take a left turn here and I'm going to pretend I know a damn thing about politics, economics and consumerism. My experience with these 3 things is strictly from a personal perspective.

I admit, the announcement by the Federal Government on the tax credit for home renovations sparked my interest. I was briefly excited about the program for 'damn this house needs a whole lot of work' reasons and this program is totally user-friendly unlike the the Natural Resources ecoENERGY program and Manitoba Hydro's PowerSmart program. No pre-retrofit assessments (that cost money). No post-retrofit assessments (that cost more money). No taking your chances on just how much of a refund you would get based on how well those assessment show you improved your energy efficiency. With this tax credit program you just keep your receipts. Easy-Peasy! Ya except just like the other two programs I've been foiled again. Squatters don't count. Homeownership is key. There isn't even the option of having the homeowner (my father-in-law) apply on our behalf like with the other two programs - Not that THAT plan panned out anyway. Heck, we still can't even convince him to get us a freakin $50 building permit do you really think if I gave him the paperwork for an incentive program he'd help us out. *sigh* Of course, with our limited income (limited.....bordering on none) we don't have the money to do much in the way of renos right now anyway but that's besides the point.

That being said, I want to talk about some comments I've read recently about this tax credit. Boy people are critical just for the sake of being critical. Maybe I'm just not politically savy but I don't see how this tax credit program is anything but good. Sure it's definately going to benifit the middle/high income earners that can afford to renovate more than it will the low income earners who are just trying to make ends meet nevermind renovate. You can't please (or give tax credits) to everyone. It's a diverse world. Not everyone fits into the same catagory. Sucks but it's true. And face it, many many tax breaks do target lower income people over those with a higher income. So this one doesn't. Oh well.

Some critics are complaining that this is just a make-work, band-aid solution. I'm not seeing a problem with this. Is giving people an incentive to start projects that they were on the fence about doing because of the state of the economy and thereby making work (manufacturing of products, retail sales of said products, labour to install said products) a bad thing? Seems to me a band-aid placed over a cut, temporarily protects the cut while the body has a chance to heal itself. Again, not seeing a problem with providing temporary help while the economy heals.

Consumerism is a circle of life and if it takes some incentive to help those with the financial means to spend some money at a time when the economy is weak then how can that be a bad thing. When people spend money, that inturn helps businesses thrive which keeps more people employed. Employed people are more likely to turn around and spend money than unemployed people (funny how that works) which inturn helps other businesses thrive . This increases the demand for more product keeping even more people employed and able to contribute to the circle of consumerism. Profound thoughts huh.

Lets explore this in a story shall we.

Mary Middle Income earner is on the fence about renovating her
bathroom. She's been wanting to but geesh....the economy sucks so maybe
she shouldn't. But wait. The government is willing to give her
a tax break if she does it now. So she hires Craig the
Contractor to come and pretty-up her bathroom.

Craig the Contractor is stoked. He doesn't have to lay off Andy his
Assistant and together the two of them get to work on Mary's "make-work"
reno project.

Craig goes to Harry's Hardware store and orders his supplies.
Harry's thrilled to see him (and all the other contractors and do-it-yourselfers
who've been in shopping lately too). Harry's employees are still employees
(guess what they do with their paycheques....they BUY STUFF is what they
do) and his suppliers will be happy to hear from him when he
needs to restock his shelves (because guess what...they have employees
too).

Craig the Contractor finishes up Mary's bathroom
reno. Mary gladly pays him for his time and supplies and
receives her receipts.

Craig cashes Mary's cheque and pays Andy the Assistant for all his
hard work. Craig the Contractor is still in
business. Andy's wife is thrilled Andy still has a job.
They both have money to put back into the circle of consumerism
thereby keeping other people employed in the process.

When Mary does her taxes next year she'll get a sweet little tax credit and
maybe just maybe she'll get a bit of a tax refund and go shopping (maybe she'll
buy some scrapbooking supplies from me as a treat....it could happen....it's my
story dammit and I can make Mary buy whatever I want!)

What a great story!

The only sad part of this story is that Craig the Contrator made
one heck of a mess while doing the reno and he had to haul the debris to the
dump himself because he couldn't find anywhere to rent a garbage bin.

Why?

Because - Al the Garbage Man was put out of business by his own local
politicians. Their inability to see the big picture of the circle of
consumerism ended up screwing him....(and hopefully themselves in the process -
they are going to have to try and be re-elected eventually...good luck with
that!) Al the Garbage Man is struggling. Guess who can't
afford to renovate his house? Guess who isn't contributing much
to the circle of consumerism? Sometimes the circle of life...and
consumerism.....sucks!

The purpose of this post was originally as a whine about how I was not going to be able to benifit from this program because of not owning the house. Then it became a commentary about all the critisim I'd read about the program while I was looking for clarification on whether we had to be the homeowner or not. Some where along the way I realized that I'm a little bummed that I won't be benifiting from this program in a totally different way. After receiving a phonecall from a customer yesterday, looking to rent a bin for their contruction debris, it dawned on me. We potentially could have seen some spin off from this program by providing debris removal services for those people who so decide to renovate this year. This program could have been a big 'make-work band-aid' for us. Too bad somebody grabbed the edge of that band-aid and gave it a good pull. It stings a little.....but we'll survive.