Less than 24 hours from now the deadline closes for bids on our contract tender.
It's been an emotional few days.
People are conspiring against me and trying to convince my husband to bid. They are all going the right way for a smack bottom ( Shrek reference - disney/pixar makes them for all occasions) if they keep that up. Different people keep coming up with different reasons why we should bid and they are all valid but it would be financial & emotional suicide if we did....not that it isn't even if we don't. I so want off this roller coaster!
I told Al that if he does bid on it he'd better make the amount high - really, really high - because he's going to need a damn good divorce lawyer - and those ain't cheap!
I think we've both come to terms with the loss of a business we've worked damn hard to build and keep alive and that has supported our family for 14 years. It's a part of us. It's who we are and we take a lot of pride in it. I think we've both been feeling just slightly like we've failed. That we are giving up too easily - but we know deep down, it's time for a change. We've accepted that but it's still hard and emotional at times - like the past few days, as the tender deadline gets closer and closer. Tomorrow it's over .....and then we only have 2 more Mondays to finish up our obligation on our contract and then it's really over....at least the 'work' part is over. The financial mess will last for years to come I'm sure.
What we've yet to figure out is how we will dig ourselves out of this massive pile of debt the business has acquired over the years and we just aren't in a place to think about what to do about that at this point. We are focusing on the here and now - the day to day operating expenses and providing for our family but the looming loss of income is starting to take it's toll. Once one - or preferably both of us, finds jobs then I hope some of the pressure and stress will subside.
Our last pay cheque on the contract will be coming in at the end of the month. If we don't have personal income coming in before then, we will be facing some serious decisions. Our family's survival vs business expenses. I'd prefer to not have to take a personal pay cheque from the last contract cheque if at all possible so that we will have a bit of money in the bank to cover monthly truck payments & its' insurance until it's sold.....actually I'm terrified just thinking about how to cover those payments should the truck not sell quickly.
Find-a-happy-place! Find-a-happy-place! Find-a-happy-place!
On a positive spin - today rocked. The weather was PERFECT for working in. Not so cold I had to bundle up( t-shirt and a light sweater all day!) but for almost all of the day it was cool enough that the snow wasn't melty and slushy so I didn't get soaked PLUS I remembered to take Al's ipod so I got to listen to music all day which is a lot more fun than being alone on the back of the truck with nothing but the music in my head and my own thoughts to keep me company. I actually had fun....but not so much fun that I'd want to do keep doing it. 2 more Mondays!
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