Cleanliness is next to........IMPOSSIBLE!

There is a whole list of rants I could make on this point.....the house, the yard (which is looking better thanks to the efforts of my sweet hubby, who's working his butt off hauling scrap to the processor every chance he gets), the kids rooms - we wont' even go there - Aarica's got a science experiment cultivating in one corner of her room that I refuse to attend to! This week though it's personal hygiene that's got me most frusterated.

Let's break it down shall we in order of annoyance starting with the most minor offenders first.

Exibit A:
Subject - Emily
Age - a few days shy of 8
Offence - her hair
Evidence - it's a tangled mess and she's not managing it with the care it needs on an ongoing basis. Even after washing she does not take the time or ask for the help she needs in dealing with it's unique-ness
Defence - (and she's the only one with a legitimate one) Those darn ringlet curls are a bugger to comb through and unless I'm around with an hour to spare inorder to de-tangle the mess, it doesn't get done after a shower resulting in a dry mess with a semi-dreadlock appearance. Poor girl!

Exibit A:
Subject - Owen
Age - 5 and a half (the half is important at that age don't you know)
Offence i.i - dirt removal
Evidence - he wipes his face with the back of his hand so there is this perpetual smear of food along the right cheek at any given moment and freaks whenever you attempt to wash his face & hands.
Offence i.ii - bath time
Evidence - he protests profusely but fortunately is small enough that he can be physically put into the bath or shower. Unfortunately he screams like a banshee durring the entire process and the wailing gets increasing louder when having his hair washed. I'm positive the neighbours a half mile away can hear him (and us) and one day the RCMP will come banging on our back door to investigate the noise complaint.
Defence - he doesn't have one.

Exibit B:
Subject - Aarica
Age - 16
Offence - She refuses to brush her teeth
Evidence - I pay how much in health insurance everymonth so we can have dental coverage and this is how she repays me! Apparently she prefers needles and fillings on an ongoing basis to brushing her pearly whites a couple times a day. Go figure. Genetically she's up a creek without a paddle on this one because both her parents have horrible teeth. No matter how often we brush, they are still disintegrating at an alarming rate. I blame the kids for my dental problems - they sucked the life right out of them each time I was pregnant & my paralyzing fear of dentists doesn't help either. What can I do - hold her down and scrub the nasties off of them? Highly unlikely to happen - she's bigger than me.
Defence - it's a weak one: I don't LIKE brushing them.

Exibit C:
Subject - Tyler
Age - 14
Offence - Body Odour!!!! or as I've been refering to it.....For The Love of God Boy - Take a SHOWER!!!!
Evidence - The boy smells! Plain and simple truth there.
Day 1: Tyler, you need to shower tonight. He ignores me. 15mins later I remind him that he HAS to take a shower. He ignores me. 15mins later I yell - Tyler, GO TAKE A SHOWER. He ignores me and 2minutes later is saying goodnight and is gone to bed. ?????
Day 2: He's smelling a little 'stronger' today. I'm heading out for the evening but I tell dad....THAT boy HAS to have a shower TONIGHT. Imagine my surprise (not) that he did NOT take a shower.
Day 3: Aftershool activity - oye! I'm not happy and make no effort to be politically correct or non-judgemental and tell him point blank - You smell! At home, I unplug the Playstation and confiscate all DS systems without saying a word. He comes into my office to talk to me and I ask him to leave because he smells bad. I physically could not be in the same room with him all evening. Every time I said YOU MUST HAVE A SHOWER NOW!!!! He glared at me like I'm an idiot. After about the 5th time I yelled, he finally went to have a shower. He didn't once ask if he could hook up the PS2 or for a DS system but the answer would have been no. Passive agressive maybe but I think he got the hint when I silently unhooked and put away all game systems that he wasn't winning this one.
Defence: He's yet to plead his case. I have no clue what his deal is. Everyone says - He's a boy and 14...it will pass - hopefully before I pass out from the smell!